


Marked

by Slefs



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety, Awkward Cullen Rutherford, Confident Cullen Rutherford, Conflicted Hawk, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Dom Cullen Rutherford, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Helping each other to help themselves, Humor, Improvised Sex Toys, King Alistair & Queen Cousland Rule, Light Dom/sub, Lyrium Withdrawal, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Masturbation, POV Alternating, POV Cullen Rutherford, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Kissing, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-04-12 03:01:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 71,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19123231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slefs/pseuds/Slefs
Summary: "“What was it you wanted to speak to me about?” Cullen asked as he knelt at the small fireplace, adding a log to feed the flame; naked without the fur caressing his neck. The warm flicker of the growing fire shimmering against his breastplate.“Comman-”“Cullen” he looked to Evelyn, light playing across his face. “By the Maker, I’m sick of titles today, aren’t you?”"~An imagining of how the two fall in love/help each other through their struggles. Touching the main points of DA:I (for cannon). Diverging for character dev/backstory/motivations/companion convo's/Cullen smut & general fluffy filling in of the gaps between!So considering college may be prosponed for the foreseeable future , I’m hoping to update a few chapters of this ! By the Maker, Watch this space ![19/03/2020]





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Prologue_  
>  Evelyn Trevelyan  
> ~  
> 

Senior Enchanter Lydia had tucked two sealed letters into Evelyn’s pocket the morning before it all turned to chaos at Ostwick. She had taken the time to button the pocket of Evelyn’s coat once she’d slipped the letters inside. Evelyn’s brows had knitted at as she’d watched her, frozen in place and unsure as to how to react.

A heartfelt gesture; its true meaning lost to Evelyn in that moment.

“There” Lydia chimed, not afraid to hide how parental her actions were.

“I see no other that would represent our circle with such poise and clarity in these strenuous times. Those letters are to reach the Left and Right hand of The Divine. To let them know you are to stand in my stead” she stated firmly.

Evelyn could tell her mentor had rehearsed that bit, she’d known her too long. It reminded Evelyn of the introduction she had given to all the students when first entering the Circle. That made her uneasy rather than the diplomatic task set in front of her.

“Ser Demarcus and his men will accompany you to the Temple to meet with the Conclave, not to worry Evelyn you won’t be alone” She sang, her tone changing, before she moved to her desk.

Evelyn had almost laughed at her last statement. Demarcus would most positively leave her alone after their last encounter. Well, as alone as any Templar leaves his Charge.

“This unrest will surely be over before it’s begun, Ostwick has never been affected by such foolish squabbles, although I suppose it’s better to be-” she trailed off softly her brown eyes locked on the piles of paper strewn across the heavy, wooden desk. She cleared her throat quickly, not finishing her sentence.

“I’m sure you’ll adore the journey my dear, weather's lovely this time of year, oh and try not to be overwhelmed by it all, you came to us at such a young age, It can be rather difficult for us to adjust”

Evelyn smiled softly in return trying her best to conceal her own fears of leaving the only home she had. She had been at the Circle since she was 6 years old. Lydia had told her that her magical abilities had appeared so quickly and which such strength that for the sake of Evelyn’s health and her family’s she was taken to the Circle Tower.

It was a time Evelyn did not dwell too much on, as a young child she just flowed with the motions of where life had taken her. She simply did as she was asked. Studied, read, wrote reports, tended the Circle’s herb garden, re-read books she’d already read and sang the chant each night. She knew this was why Lydia held her with such high regard, a young women from a noble family, a model student some would say.

“I look forward to your return, though little a selfishly, I’m eagerly awaiting that report of yours, the restorative properties of Rashvine? if what you have shown in trails can be validated, this really could change-” Lydia stopped herself again, a twinkle in her eye that her student had grown accustomed to,

“Here I am as usual, getting carried away with myself”

Evelyn smiled with her in that moment, her heart swelled at the kind words that had touched her.

“Thank you for this opportunity Lydia, I will not let you down” She dipped her head slightly in respect. 

Her cheeks flushed by the moment fueled by the Senior Enchanter's faith in her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~

Would this become her now, was this her all? Evelyn thought as they meandered down a slope deep in the east hills of the Hinterlands.  


Ever relentless, Varric insisted on carrying on his line of questioning.

“So, Herald!” She winced at the sound of her latest nickname. “Let me get this right, you walked straight outta the fade-” he said, not letting Evelyn in on the joke just yet. He waved his hand, batting away his smile.

“Sorry, for starters, just what kinda of age are we living in were _that_ kinda shit just happens?” he paused for second looking behind them at Solas for validation. Not that ‘Chuckles’, Varric’s newfound name for him, would offer much.

“And you brought not one, but two, _two letters_ with you, Andraste behind your ass and you’re materializing yourself and paperwork out that gash in the sky” He shook his head, sighing to himself.

“I’m not sure you fully grasp the inner workings of the Fade, Master Tethras but I can assure you the content of Evelyn’s pockets were the least of her concerns” Solas replied quickly noticing Evelyn’s silence.

No shit, she thought. Not that Evelyn recalled any of her time spent in the Fade; Maker knows she’d spent many a sleepless night at camp trying; silently praying until exhaustion set in. She gnawed nervously at the inside of her lip as her companions continued.

“And I will not hesitate to remind you the content of said letters were vital in securing the Herald’s innocence and now the help of Mother Giselle” Cassandra addressed Varric firmly.

This had not been the first time they had all spoken of this matter. And Evelyn noted that it wasn’t just her that was sick of hearing of it. Varric raised his hands in the air in defence.

“Look Seeker, I ain't saying she killed the Divine. We all know that just isn’t the case, I mean look at her” He caught Evelyn’s eye reassuringly and smiled, “all I’m saying is they must’a been pretty important”

Evelyn rolled her eyes at Varric deciding to keep her mouth closed on the matter. Those letters were ‘pretty important’ to her. Not that their contents mattered much to anyone anymore. 

The letters had reached their destination; proving that she was indeed sent to Conclave to represent Ostwicks’ interest. Those pieces of paper probably sat, gathering dust, in the old chest in Josephine’s office now, for safekeeping, in case any noble or cleric wished to see.

Evelyn continued along the path until they reached even ground. She kicked up more pebbles as she went, enjoying the sound of them colliding and rattling. She stared through the soft plumes of dust that puffed up around her thick boots with each step. Noticing she was distracted she dragged her emerald eyes to the horizon.

“There, up a head!” Evelyn noticed two rouge Templars, swords drawn, and what looked to be a one of their own scouts on an embankment not too far from them. She picked up the pace, slipping a barrier under her feet to cover herself and her companions, as they climbed the verge.

Cassandra let out a grunt as she used her shield to knock down the last Templar to the floor before plunging her sword downwards. A guttural, gurgle escaped from their attacker’s mouth. Cassandra wiped her blade on the now dead Templar’s robes before returning it to her side.

Evelyn secured her staff on her back and let out a breath she forgot she’d been holding. She stared down at the lives laid to waste in front of her. As much death and ruin she had seen over the last week. This still wasn’t something she was comfortable with; these men, ‘The Order’ once commanded every moment of her life and now she was sending them to the Maker’s side.

“It’s you! The Herald, It's good you came when you did… those Templars woulda had me” the scout gasped clutching at her side. Evelyn noted that it was indeed one of the Inquisition’s forces. Dressed in their Spymaster’s green and tan armor; their banner on a scarf tucked into her belt.

Evelyn looked around the embankment for a moment processing their situation. Her eyes fell upon a third body not involved in the previous battle. A girl in dark robes lay limp on the grass next to a blanket set carefully under a tree; following the shade and angled to enjoy the view of the valley below.

There was a picnic basket close; modestly holding a half empty bottle of wine, a loaf of bread and two apples. She almost smiled at the scene before she quickly pieced it all together. Evelyn wondered how two souls could even share such a moment in these times of war.

“I uh, was attacked by an apostate and then the Templars came along… and as I said Lady Herald if you hadn’t come along” the young Elven women bumbled on.

“Trying to find a moments peace in this madness?” Evelyn raised an eyebrow at the scout. She lightly nudged Varric at her side and glanced back at the tree. He gave her a slight nod, only visible to her, he’d noticed as well.

“So, the truth… I may have been, um, passing time with Eldredda,” the scout admitted “... at first she’d just been a mage that saw me and didn’t attack, that’s all. But later we...” She sighed and rubbed the back of her head through her cowl, “So, are you going to report me?”

“Varric?” Evelyn spoke softly to her companion at her side seeking his council.

In her brief time spent with her company she learned to value their life experience above her own. She knew he wasn’t the kind of dwarf to see anyone go through unnecessary punishment. Although, he hated to see a good opportunity go to waste.

“What’s your name kid?” Varric piped up, not missing a beat.

“Ritts, Ser!” Her body went rigid as she raised her hand in a quick salute.

“Look Ritts, if you can talk an apostate out of her pants in the middle of a war, you’ve got a gift. Use it” Varric stated, Cassandra huffed behind them at his bluntness, “Make contacts, get information and help the Inquisition. Do that, and our lips are sealed”

“Alright, I-I can do that. And thanks...for, you know, going easy on me” Ritts said as she bowed her head lightly, her fist across her chest.

“All in a days work. Now go, get back to camp” Varric smiled before making his way to over to the tree. 

He picked up the woven basket; still filled with a hearty lunch for two. Evelyn stared at him as he examined it finally seeing the wine in wrapped up in there.

“And we’re keeping the basket!” he called after Ritts.

~

 

Since leaving Haven it had been constant for the group. When Evelyn had initially met with the three other members of the council they had given her a detailed briefing. 

They all knew there was unrest in The Hinterlands but what the group faced now was clearly more than what Lelianna’s little birds had picked up, more than Josephine could have ever advised and more work than Commander Cullen had men.

They had in fact spent much of their time in the Hinterlands helping the villages get back on their feet after the destruction the Rebellion had caused. Days spent hunting ram and sheep for Fereldan stew and cosy blankets for everyone, finding stolen supplies, collecting potions from a son to give his sick mother and of course their run in with witty Ritts. 

They had set up several camps securing the area and closed a few of the rifts that had split open the sky. It helped Evelyn sleep a little better at night. The ache and sickly green glow of her left arm would dampen the further away she was from the rifts. The pain Evelyn could manage, she’d had experience with that, but the involuntary flickering of the strange magic in her hand was different. Not just a physical reminder but a visual one.

The group had traveled west making their way past most of the mage and Templar fighting. The burning buildings littering the countryside a bitter reminder of the lives lost; the constant clang of metal against metal, cries and yells forever sang out around them. Solas had told Evelyn to keep moving, that it wouldn’t get any better until they forged an alliance. He was right.

The Commander had mentioned ‘expanding their influence’ at the first War Council meeting. She’d received a report about a recruiting Master Dennet, a renowned Ferelden horse master, under her cabin door at Haven late that evening as she readied herself for her first journey into the Hinterlands.

The styling of the script was just as methodical as it’s content, she’d smiled a little. It took her back to a simpler time where reading, writing and filing reports were part of her day to day. The way the report was constructed was a lot more lax than she was use to at the Circle; but she could still see the ghost of the structure. It was signed by Commander Cullen, the Inquisition's former Templar.

When they’d finally reached Master Dennet, she’d hadn’t expected him to add more to her ever expanding list of things to do before leaving this area. But they needed horses. She knew she had to get back to Haven to her council soon; with a long list of problems her advisors could only help with. Master Dennet's village was in dire need of defenses and held strange reports of possessed wolves. And with his wife and daughter there, Evelyn couldn’t blame the man for wanting some sort of assurance.

Twilight bathed the land as they’d marked the last location for the watchtowers that the village needed to bolster their defenses. They’d decided to stay close to Dennett's farm that night before they set off again in the morning.

Evelyn had protested, her flesh burning from the mark, there was a rift not far away that they’d been unable to close. But after Varric had reminded her of Ritts’ contraband from the previous day she’d changed her mind for his sake. He deserved a moment. They all did.

Frustrated, Evelyn flopped herself down on a log near the campfire. The Seeker and her and been going back and forth for some time over the route they would take tomorrow. Cassandra was eagerly pointing out the last location the strange wolves had been spotted in.

“We must clear the rift at the bottom of the waterfall before we ascend, maybe we can see to that blasted Druffalo along the way” Cassandra sighed heavily, not sure how this animal fitted in the grand scheme of it all. 

“That will lead to the trail where the villagers last reported sightings the wolves” she continued.

“It’s not the wolves that are the problem Cassandra” Evelyn’s voice had come out a little louder than she anticipated; her volume shocking herself.

“Well, what is _exactly_?” Cassandra’s accent played with her words. If Evelyn hadn’t spent so much time traveling the countryside with her she could have taken it as malice.

“Well, of course they are a problem” Evelyn said, reasoning with herself more than anyone else.

“And?” Cassandra pushed for an answer.

“And? And it seems like our list of thing to do is never ending, how are we supposed to accomplish so much with so little time? We haven't even secured an alliance” Evelyn sounding disheartened “The sky is ripped open but If we don’t help anyone who else-”

“Hey, hey now” Varric hushed Evelyn’s rant as he left his tent, “you’re gunna wake up Chuckles if you keep harping on like that. Now here, drink, Ritts’ treat” 

Evelyn grabbed the bottle from Varric’s hand as he sat down on the log next to her. She paused for a second before taking a sip. It had been a long time since she had drank any type of alcohol. She coughed lightly, wiping her mouth with a grimace, and handed it back to Varric.

“Suppose you wouldn’t get a lot of this back at that Circle of yours?” he asked. 

“Well no, the Circle didn’t exactly have a merchant for the stuff” she huffed, though still reeling she was grateful he had interrupted her conversation with Cassandra. 

“Oh you hear that Seeker!” Varric said, taking another swig from the bottle.

“I will retire for the evening” Cassandra ignored him addressing only Evelyn, “We will follow the route we marked out, we should only have to spend another few days in this place. Get some sleep,” She looked between her two companions perched on the log, “you will need your rest before we set out for Haven”

They both bid their farewells to Cassandra as she returned to her tent. The fire was the only source of light around them, embracing the pair in the night with its warm glow.

“So, now that Cassandra’s out of earshot, are you holding up alright?” He said, pushing the bottle of wine back into her hand, “I mean, you go from being the most wanted criminal in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful. And now here you are helping anyone who asks. Most people would have spread that out over more than just a few weeks” 

“I can barely keep up” she answered honestly taking another drink, trying to take in the magnitude of it all.

“That makes two of us” he said, he took the bottle from her “Look kid, if I’ve learned anything it's that you can’t save everyone, you can try but... Trust me, I’ve written enough tragedies”

“It’s just so much, they want so much Varric” Evelyn stared into the fire in front of them for a moment. “I mean look at this whole mess with Dennet. I’m going back to ask Commander Cullen to build three watchtowers, with the little men we have? He’s not going to be happy”

Varric laughed causing Evelyn to turn to him quickly, not sure where the joke was exactly. He placed a comforting hand on her arm and passed her the wine again.

“I wouldn’t worry about Curly, he’s never happy long as I’ve known him, you sure you haven’t been spending time with him?” He asked. 

Evelyn shot him a confused look. Curly? Whatever did he mean? She had met the Commander briefly across the war table then he’d sent her the report about Dennet, that was all, nothing more.

“You know you two might get along, you both spent far too much time with serious expressions on your faces” he smiled, noticing her confusion. “You need to change that, you know it’s bad for your health. Misery loves company and all”

Evelyn allowed herself to smile. She took one last drink; her nerves soothed. Maybe he was right. The weight of the responsibility that had been dumped upon her shoulders made it hard for her to control her emotions; she found that unsettling. But maybe she could change that. Maybe she could find some sort of shelter away from the storm. 

“Thank you, Varric” she said softly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

Evelyn knew there was no time for rest. As soon as they closed on Haven the pain from the mark had rapidly taken on a life of its own, flickering under the cuff of her over coat; as if it was pleased to be back in the apex of it all. Her fingers tugged at the soft leather and balled the material to in her fist; the pressure gave her something other than the pain to focus on. 

When they’d finally reached the large wooden gates of Haven Evelyn had told Cassandra to gather the War Council immediately, her weary companion simply nodded.

"You must rest" Solas called after her. 

Evelyn barreled her way towards the stone built Chapel leaving her companions behind and ignored Solas’ concern; his interest in her welfare had not went unnoticed but she’d could rest later. There was too much to be done.

Her mind raced; they had to organize patrols through The Hinterlands, top priority, too dangerous and Dennet’s watchtowers, what of the stone? And manpower needed? Would The Commander even agree to it? Hopefully a caravan would accompany the horses and their Master back to Haven once they’d ...

“Herald it is nice to see that you have finally returned to us” Josephine said, elegant as ever. 

“Oh” Evelyn stopped dead in the hall of the Chantry and gestured to the doorway she’d just came through “I’ve uh, just called Cassandra for a meeting. I have a fair list of matters from the local area that deserve our attention” 

Evelyn suddenly found herself incredibly aware of the fact that she’d been traveling for several weeks; the lack of a real bed and a hot bath starting to catch up with her. Maybe Solas concern for her wasn’t as misplaced as she’d first thought. She scratched nervously her scar that followed the curve of her cheekbone.

Josephine stood there in her usual pristine, mustard dress with clipboard in hand. The contrast between them made Evelyn feel even more uncomfortable; the dust that blanketed skin only served as a reminder of her journey. 

“I look forward to hearing your reports, but before we begin I feel it necessary to fill you in on the happenings in your absence” Josephine said.

She explained how the remaining Chantry clerics had declared the Inquisition heretical. While Evelyn and her companions had battled demons, Templars and apostates all attempts to gather allies have been rebuffed; in one swift movement. When their representatives had reached the capital of Val Royeaux they were met with a vicious mob chanting of their blasphemy. If they stood any chance of sealing the breach they had to convince the Chantry to believe she wasn’t some kind of monster.

Evelyn wasn’t even sure what she believed anymore. When she had entered the chapel she hadn’t expected this, but what could she learn to expect in this age? She’d thought back to the words Varric had shared with her around the campfire. Maybe she couldn’t help everyone after all.

Evelyn had kept to herself after her plan was wiped from existence. She struggled concentrate as she tried her best to follow the conversation around her. They all stood around a large table in the center of the room, candles scattered in every corner to bring in as much light as possible in the evenings. 

“Having the Herald address the critics is not a terrible idea” Josephine said.

“You can’t be serious!” Cullen barked. 

Evelyn quickly looked to him from across the table. She watched as he rubbed the back of his neck intensely before pacing a circle around himself. His response, the tone of it, caught her off guard. She’d never heard him speak in such a way in their previous meetings, in her opinion he’d came across as rather stoic. 

Evelyn's eyes refused to leave Cullen. She realized how his dominating presence was; silverite armor shivering under the candlelight, the luxurious fur of his over-sized collar adorned his wide shoulders. He stood tall, taking up the most space in the confined room they held their meetings in. 

She tried not to imagine him in his former roll but everything about him sang to her, maybe it was the whisper of lyrium within. But for a second he hummed of a previous life. A simpler time. One where she didn’t have to prove herself worthy of the Chantry.

When Cullen turned back to the table his hand instinctively returned to the hilt of his sword. Evelyn caught his gaze by mistake; how long had she been staring at him? His golden brown eyes dancing like autumn leaves under the light as he held her gaze for a moment. Her stomach lurched into her heart as she looked away, feeling like a child caught doing something the knew they weren’t supposed to. 

“Mother Giselle isn't wrong, at the moment the Chantry's only strength is that they are united in opinion” Josephine addressed the room; her quill twirled in her fingers. 

“And we should ignore the danger to the Herald?” Leliana asked, shocked at her friends suggestion.

“Lets ask her, Lady Trevelyan?” Josephine looked to Evelyn.

“I’m more concerned that this won’t actually solve any of our problems. After what Cassandra and I witnessed in the Hinterland..” she trailed off, remembering all the people that still needed her help.

“I agree” Cullen said, Evelyn was surprised he that he actually agreed with her, she looked to him for a moment trying understand why. “It just lends credence to the idea that we should care what the Chantry says”

“I will go with her, Mother Giselle said that she could provide us with names, use them” Cassandra turned to their Spymaster, her final words for her only.

“But why? This is nothing but a-” Leliana started before the Right hand cut her down.

“What choice do we have Leliana?” Cassandra sounded exhausted; it was clear it wasn’t just from their long journey back. “Right now we can’t approach anyone for help with the breach, and were running out of time, use what influence we have to call the clerics together. Once they see reason we will be able make steps to seal the breach” 

And so it was decided, Evelyn and Cassandra would head to Val Royeaux in an attempt to broker some sort of alliance. Evelyn wasn’t sure about the idea but it was out of her hands; and evidently now into the former Left and Right hands’ of the Divine. They would leave in two days time, more than enough time to rest their horses and gather supplies for the journey to the capital. Cassandra and her had stayed behind after the meeting; pouring over the map in front of them prematurely selecting the routes they could take.

Most of Evelyn’s reports had been left for her council to deal with in the morning, save for one. She wanted to talk to the Commander personally about the issue with the watchtowers, she’d knew how important getting the horses and mobilizing their troops were to him. With that she'd settled slightly, comforted in knowing that progress would be made while she was away. 

Josephine politely interrupted Evelyn and Cassandra as they’d closed the door of the war room. 

“Lady Trevelyan, can I steal a moment of your time?”

Cassandra nodded to Evelyn with a smile before she left them. Josephine gestured to the door next to them and she followed her into her cramped office. 

“More and more faithful flock here each day” Their Ambassador rounded her desk before taking a seat. “And I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with Marquis DuRellion, his wife gifted these lands to the Divine, he claims he will not see an upstart order on her holy grounds”

“Considering the Inquisition was begun by the Left and Right Hands of the Divine” Evelyn started, “People are injured, he can’t just throw them out in the snow”

““He claimed to have seen no written records from Sister Leliana or Seeker Pentaghast that Justinia approved the Inquisition” Josephine said.

“And what was your response?” Evelyn took a step forward, worried for a moment that their only shelter would be ripped from them

“I told him Seeker Pentaghast must challenge him to a duel”

“You told him _what_?” Evelyn almost laughed, not thinking she’d heard her correctly.

“It is a matter of honor among the Nevarran’s, you know. We are sheltering the pilgrims who mourn the Divine, the Inquisition are protecting the people” She stated, “His Grace was made to see sense. Despite their Ferelden relations, the DuRellions are Orlesian. If the Marquis wishes to claim Haven, Empress Celene must negotiate with Ferelden on his behalf. Her current concerns are a bit larger than minor property disputes” 

“Well, thank you Lady Montilyet” she said, relieved she’d had not been around for that encounter. 

Evelyn studied the Ambassador at her desk, now organizing paperwork into neat piles on the dark wood, her name was so familiar. One of the few names she'd heard in her childhood

“Have our families have met before?” She asked, not that her knowledge was too great.

“Perhaps. Everyone of distinction in the Free Marches attends Lady Trevelyan’s summer balls.” her eyes never leaving the desk in front of her. 

“Great-Aunt Lucille?” She said, almost shocked she remembered her name. 

“I don’t recall seeing you at any of them” Josephine looked up through dark lashes.

“By the time I was six I froze my own bathwater solid, so my parents sent my to the Circle after that, but I remember going to one of those parties before I left” She smiled to herself; it was a ghost of a memory but one of the few she had of her childhood with her real family.

“I’m surprised you left at such at young age, Mages from noble families such as your own are often given a lot more leeway. And if I recall correctly, Ostwick’s Circle had a reputation for being rather sedate” Josephine replied.

“Only if you weren’t being watched all the time, I got used to it all but It’s strange now being here... I have this new sense of freedom ” Evelyn reflected.

“Do you mean the Templars?” 

“Kinda of, I was completely infatuated with one of the Templar in our tower” Evelyn's words tumbling out her mouth before she could stop herself.

“No! What came of it?”

“Nothing, I was so shy I didn’t say a word” She blushed wishing she hadn't said anything other that _that._

It was true. She hadn’t said a word to Ser Demarcus about her feelings. But he’d known. In hindsight she had realised that it was impossible _not_ to have known ; her attention constantly fixed on him, delivering reports to him personally when there wasn’t the need to. He’d cut her down before she even had the chance to bloom.

“I’m sure it was for the best” Josephine sighed, “This place is no bastion of civilization, not like the Circle, I hope you don't find the living conditions too _rustic_ for someone of your station”

“Of course not, it serves our purpose, it’s isolated and has gotten us thus far. Though I do miss eating those tiny little Orlesian cakes in a hot bath, you know the little lemon ones?” Evelyn hummed to herself, closing her eyes. 

It had been a long time since she’d experienced such opulence. 

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one missing the comforts of home” Josephine admitted as she giggled at Evelyn’s response.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Cullen's gaze had wandered when monitoring his troops stuck in their training routine. Cassandra battled with a practice dummy not far from him while she chatted to the Herald. He wasn’t sure if their companionship was out of necessity or common ground; after all Lady Trevelyan had been their prisoner not so long ago. He turned back to his troops but he could of sworn to the Maker that he heard Cassandra laugh as he did.

“You there!” Cullen noticed one his recruits make the same blasted mistake for the third time this morning.

He’d shown him how to angle the shield correctly the first time he’d caught it. The second time, yet another demonstration pulling in one of his more experienced men to train with him. He took a breath through his nose, trying to find any patience he had left.

“There’s a shield in your hand. Block with it! If this man were your enemy, you’d be dead!” he shouted.

He turned to his Lieutenant, they had to push them to be the best they could be, they wouldn’t win this war if this was all his forces had to offer. Since becoming Commander he had become fixated as how his men reflected on him and their Inquisition. New recruits had been steadily joining them as word had spread in the Hinterlands of the Herald's work; bolstering his ranks.

“Lieutenant, don’t hold back. The recruits must prepare for a real fight, not a practice one.”

“Yes, Commander.” His said, baring a salute only to nearly knock into someone as he left.

Lady Trevelyan quickly voided his Lieutenant, ducking her head apologetically as if she had made the mistake. She stood in front of the Commander in the low sun her white blond hair a halo around her; a visions of the stained glass windows he use to chant under before he’d taken any vows. When he had seen her at the War Council meeting the previous night she had clearly traveled straight from the Hinterlands into the meeting; her hair wild and her whole being blanketed in thick layer of dust. A stark contrast.

“Lady Trevelyan, I owe you my thanks. We’ve received a number of recruits – locals from Haven, and some pilgrims that heard of your time in the Hinterlands . Though none made **quite** the entrance you did.” He greeted her.

“I just hope I can help.” She said

“As do we all. It is enough that you would even try” He reassured her; looking to her left hand.

In his boldness, he’d forgotten what Evelyn had actually went through over the last few weeks; her walking out of the fade, waking up as a prisoner and her painful ability to close the rifts that he himself had witnessed. The first time they’d met; he didn’t even notice her, he’d thought the Seeker had found some way to seal the rift, but it was her; in a green thick coat that was too big for her slight frame and the mark on her hand to match.

“I clearly got everyone’s attention” Evelyn said, turning her eyes to the wounded, blue sky above them.

“That you did.” His smiled at her, hoping she could find assurance somewhere in that.

He gestured her forward walking with her through the practice ground; men fought with control and vigor either side of them. Cullen noticed his recruits had suddenly found a new lease of life, inspired by their Herald at his side. He’d heard men ‘talk’ around camp, the way boys talk when ladies aren’t around, so he shouldn’t have been surprised they were showing off.

If only they could keep **pace** , he thought. It would certainly make his job easier.

“I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall, myself. I was there during the mage uprising – I saw firsthand the devastation it caused.” He said aware they hadn’t spoke much outwith the council meetings due to her absence.

He noticed a scout following them, waiting for a moment to grab his attention; report in hand.

“Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the Order to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse.”

Cullen took the report in his hands, scanning it quickly, noting he’d have to speak to Harrit before handing it back off to the scout.

“You left the Templars for this? Do you believe the Inquisition, that _this_ can work?” She looked at her own hand as if wasn’t part of her anymore.

They continued walking away from the clatter to the end of the training grounds that looked over the frozen lake at Haven.

“I do. Provided we can secure aid – Our people are well-organized and committed. Despite what the clerics may think, we’re in the best position close this breach. I know what happens when order is lost and action comes too late, The Chantry lost control of both Templar and mages. Now they argue over a new Divine while the Breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry cannot. Our followers would be part of that. There’s so much we can…” He stopped himself embarrassed by his rant.

The first time the Herald visits his troops at camp and he’d possibly bored her into never coming back again.

“l– Forgive me. I doubt you came here for a lecture” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, begging the pressure to relieve his heat in his cheeks.

“No, but if you have one prepared I wouldn't mind hearing it” she said, her expression looking a little brighter.

“Another time perhaps.” he laughed at her response.

Her sudden lopsided grin took him by surprise; was the first he’d seen her smile?

“I, ah…” he started but smiled with her instead; lips tugging to one side still unable to form words as if he’d simply forgot the art of holding a conversation. Not that he was a master to begin with, but still.

Her cheeks slightly pink, like his own, in the low morning sun. His eyes trailed over the scar that fractured her flush skin. It followed the shape of her cheekbone that pushed at the milk of her flesh. Cullen could tell from caring from his own wounds that it couldn’t have been that old, healed most definitely, but still fresh enough to lay red with scar tissue at its worst points. The curve and angle it only severing to highlight her delicate structure.

He found himself simply lost in her presence; the powerful magic that was behind her mark drowned out her own song. He’d never sensed anything like it, not even in Kirkwall. And now with his limited Templar abilities; could still feel her; washing over him, ignoring any sense. What his former brothers would experience around her? For a second he wondered heretically what it would be like to feel her with a full draft of lyrium inside him.

“I wanted to speak to you about those horses you’d asked for” Evelyn extended her unmarked hand to him, holding a piece of paper.

He took them from her, their fingers brushing slightly in the exchange, a hum in the air.

“We uh, he… Master Dennet that is, well his village really, requested we build watchtowers in the area, we marked out..” She leaned closer into their conversation so she could point to where she’d meticulously drawn a little map with the marked locations for the proposed structures.

“Three suitable locations on high flat ground, your men should be able to move our supplies without too much effort. Solas and I made sure of it. I know we’re short of men, and you must a have lot on your plate but the Inquisition needs horses and the people could really use our help Command-” Evelyn trailed on.

He’d noticed how her tone had changed; did she ** _really_** think he wouldn’t help her? Not that he had much of a choice; they needed to mobilize their efforts to make any real impact.

“Of course” he said softly, quick to hush her worries. “There’s still a lot of work ahead of us but-”

“Commander! Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines!” One of his soldiers approached them, offering his superiors a quick salute.

“As I was saying.” he said before bowing his head slightly as a farewell. 

He hoped she would leave at least thinking he was a little more approachable. He could understand why she was so cautious. It was to be expected, all mages were around Templars. Even though Cullen had left his life at the Circle behind he knew it would forever be part of him.

As a mage, He thought Evelyn felt that way too.

~

 

Cassandra joined Cullen’s side late in the afternoon as their troops finished up for a hard earned lunch. Thank the Maker. A growing pile of paperwork and reports had appeared in his hand as he’d spent most of the morning where everyone could find him. As much as his men were a priority, a large portion of time was spent delegating work to them; that took careful management on his behalf. And a lot of writing back and forth at times.

“How are you feeling, Commander?” Cassandra asked, once the main bulk of his recruits had moved up through the gates.

Cullen knew she wasn’t asking for the sake of pleasantries. He had asked her to monitor his progress as he'd weaned himself off lyrium. He’d trusted Cassandra’s expertise as a Seeker, to make sure it would never affect the role he played as Commander. And over time he had grown to see her as a confidant, a trusted friend. Most of his former brothers, the ones he’d left behind in Kirkwall, thought him mad as he’d chosen this tortuous path of his own accord. He’d seen the ‘Order’ fall, and he’d refused to go down with it. But Cassandra had offered nothing but support through his descent.

The worst of the initial withdrawal process was long over now, but it would never truly leave him. He’d always have to deal with nausea, sweats and sleepless nights when his everything called him back to a previous time, taunting him.

Begging.

“I’m surviving Seeker” he said,“Though I’m more concerned that I’ve been holding all **this** for the entirety of the morning” he held up the thick stack of reports in his hand.

“You should really join me for a morning training session, if you are struggling,” she smirked to him, he laughed lightly “I'm pleased you are adjusting”

“We have found refuge here at Haven that is enough, though I hope you and the Herald return from Val Royeaux with good news, that thing in the sky… I’m not sure it cares of the Chantry’s blessing”

“I understand, though we have discussed why we must go to the capital. We are taking Dennet’s fastest mounts in aid; it might save us a day. I would have liked to leave earlier but Evelyn needed some time to rest” Cassandra looked concerned.

He'd noted how the Seeker was now on first name basis with her.

“Leliana's little birds have found nothing of great interest about Evelyn, nothing that could shine more light on her situation. Though Senior Enchanter Lydia spoke highly of her in the letters we found on her after we had taken her prisoner”

No wonder she needed to ‘rest’ Cullen thought. He hadn’t agreed to shoving her in shackles when they found her, she wasn't even conscious, but there wasn’t much reasoning with either hands of the Divine in the wake of what happened at the Temple. Solas was quick to voice his concerns to them about the unknown magic on her hand; watching over her till she awakened. It had surprised him that Cassandra had warmed to her so quickly. 

"What bothers me the most about her Commander is if we had the materials to hand, she would tried to built those watchtowers herself just to save a little time"

"Well, she seems committed " he offered, unsure of how to respond.

"Maybe _overly_ so, I know you haven’t had the pleasure of spending time with Evelyn. But I fear she struggles with herself. The fall of Ostwick has affected her deeply, the Senior Enchanter spoke of her as if she was her own child in those letters, It is clear to me they were close, and with Lydia murdered by one of her fellow students...”

“Maker have mercy” he muttered, he'd known little of her time in the Circle. His heart sank at the thought of one person dealing with so much in such a short space of time; thrown into the middle of a war.

“We leave tomorrow morning. Solas and I have noted her tendency to… over exert herself. He is concerned that she is putting herself through unnecessary stress, and its effect of the mark. Though I myself, wonder how anyone in her position wouldn’t be” she let out a huff; the cold air turning her breath to steam. “She must find a way to cope”

“Mustn't we all” he said, his friend looked at him knowingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has been leaving kudos/subs/all the stuff. Picked up a few editing errors/grammar stuff in the last few chapters and have updated the introduction a bit. I hope I've done our Cully some justice :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

The plan of taking a quick return trip rapidly fell to the wayside after they’d met several interested parties in Val Royeaux; some friendlier than others. Evelyn hardly expected to see a Chantry Mother punched to the floor by Lord Seeker Lucias, all sense of hope gone in one swift blow.

Cassandra had grabbed her arm to stop her from running to the Mother’s side. She’d called out to the Lord Seeker’s men, pleading with them to follow Commander Cullen’s lead; hoping even the mention of his name could end this madness.

She’d watched heartbroken as the Order left the city without consequence.

Cassandra had hoped the Lord Seeker could be reasoned with; even if she was as outraged as Evelyn at his stunt. But Evelyn didn’t want anything to do with this Seeker; his outburst had told her what type of man he was. Maker knows she’d avoided more than a few in her time. Though he held last of the Templars that remained loyal to the Order. They needed help to close the breach, but at what cost?

When leaving the marketplace they found a note attached to an arrow; it narrowly missed Varric's head seconds prior. He’d protested when they decided to follow it’s instructions; leading them to a trail of clues scattered across the marketplace, a scarlet scarf, gloves and handkerchief.

After decrypting the puzzle Cassandra and Evelyn got into a heated discussion on how to fit in meeting with this ‘Red Jenny’. When they should be attending Madame De Fer’s soiree.  

“By the Maker Evelyn, do you have to make everything so overly complex we have time before-”

“If I might have a moment of your time?”

“Grand Enchanter Fiona?” Cassandra was clearly shocked.

“Leader of the made rebellion, is it not dangerous for you to be here?” Solas asked.

Evelyn had heard about this ‘Grand Enchanter’ before she’d even attended the Conclave.

“I heard of this gathering and I wanted to see the fabled Herald of Andraste with my own eyes, if its help with the breach you seek maybe you should look among your fellow mages”

“Fellow Mages?! We have nothing in common, if it wasn't for your vote Ostwick’s Senior Enchanter might still be here to help!”

Words tumbling out of Evelyn's mouth before she could stop herself. What was she supposed to say? This woman that stood before her had undoubtedly played a part in the uprising at Ostwick. She’d overheard Lydia talk to her advisers about Fiona, whispers of how Lydia had fought to keep order when every other Circle fell around them.

Those days when Evelyn had seen the toll it had taken on her mentor; her enthusiastic sparkle steadily fading. Fiona had helped to pull Evelyn’s home from under her. She had let the woman who had shaped her; who had cast her a tentative hand, fall to the hands of some bitter first year.

“Lady Hearld, I was saddened to hear of the tragedy at Ostwick. I know you were one of Lydia’s students but I hope you can come to see we share more common ground than with those Templar thugs” Fiona tried to reason with her, “Please consider this invitation, come to Redcliffe to meet with your fellow mages. An alliance could help us both after all. I do hope to see you there”

Fiona offered a smile to them. Evelyn dug her teeth into bottom lip to stop herself from saying anything else. They needed their help, she thought to herself, and after the Lord Seekers display... the voided crone had a point.

“Au revoir, my Lady Herald”

 

~

 

‘Jenny’ had in fact turned out to be Sera; a young Elven women who Evelyn found it hard to keep up with; she’d said that was part of a mysterious network of spies, maybe? Evelyn was confused. But it was clear to them that she wanted to help. When they’d brought her back to their temporary camp she’d insisted that she help Evelyn dress for the night ahead.

“You can’t walk in there all up in your war paint, as in like, literal red people paint, up and down ya, see? Just there, better not do them stupid pink frilly dresses either, can’t have you wearing your own paint,  I’ll help ya clean up from our scrap, least I can do”

She’d whisked her into her tent not giving Evelyn the choice. With the help of her new companion she just had enough time to change into her last set of fresh under clothes and a lighter set of armor she’d packed, just in case, before she set off on her next endeavor.

 

The building hummed with masked dignitaries and nobles from across the realm. It had been an age since Evelyn had spent any time in such regal company, making her feel as though everyone's eyes were on her, though they most likely were. _Lady Trevelyan of Ostwick, representing the Inquisition_ they’d touted to the room.

She was unmistakable.

Her face bare without a traditional mask in her set of enchanter robes. Even if she had worn the typical Orleasian garb she still would have commanded the room, simply due to status. That made her even more uneasy; she had felt worn after their trip to the capital unable to keep a grip of her own mask; the one she thought only she could see.

Evelyn was relieved when the host of the event finally found her, awkwardly conversing with two nobles that had too many questions for her. The pair had made their way to a private room so they could speak without interruption. Madame De Fer reclined almost carelessly on the velvet sofa in front of her insisting she call her Vivian.

Evelyn grabbed a hors d'oeuvre from a silver tray on the table between them, she wasn’t hungry she just needed to do something with the nerves growing in her fingertips. The tiny savory treat sat dry in her mouth, instantly regretting her decision as she fought to swallow it.

“You came from the Circle at Ostwick did you not, Senior Enchanter Lydia was a dear friend of mine, were you at all acquainted?” she was so casual in her approach.

“Lydia was my instructor. She was almost a... mother to me” She managed, choosing her words carefully; admitting truths aloud she found hard to bare.

“I never met a wiser soul in her. She had such a spark. I am so sorry my dear, I know what happened at Ostwick, Lydia had struggled for some time there, a commendable act. I think we both agree this must end” Vivian said reaching across the table lend a warm hand on Evelyn's arm.

She knew, she thought nobody really knew… but she did.

Evelyn felt her throat begin to close, she tried to gulp down the sorrow that was attempting to escape her. Her eyes blinking back the memory of her running; leaving Lydia behind, letters tight in her pocket as she fled the Circle, her only home.

“She worked so hard to… I should have..” Evelyn started, but she couldn’t finish.

Speaking of this was too much for her in the moment,; Vivian's touch fueling her emotions, if she said any more she’d crumble. Vivian's hand pulled away, letting her breath.

“By sending you to the Conclave she saved you a terrible fate, and maybe even us too. You should try to find solace in that dear”

“Some sense of order must be restored though, after everything that I’ve seen I know this war won't benefit anyone. I just don't want to let people down”

“Well, that’s a luxury we can hardly afford my dear” Vivian smiled to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

Evelyn gladly tended to her mount when she arrived back at Haven; taking the time to feed her white stallion that had carried her across Thedus. She was relieved to be back though felt frustrated with recent events. The rest of her band had left her; following up on work commitments or to simply settle into their new found home. 

Sera had made Evelyn promise to come to the Tavern later that night, housewarming drinks she’d called them, Evelyn had found it hard to say no to her bright face. While Cassandra headed straight to the Chantry to speak to Leliana; which thankfully relieved Evelyn of the task. 

She had returned from the capital with more questions than answers. Feeling anxious about Fiona and her invitation to Redcliffe; the woman she had vilified in her head for so long. 

She had added fuel to the fire that ravaged the Circles; that were already crumbling. It made Evelyn’s stance on the upcoming decision all the more difficult. She knew that her opinion often swayed her council; her mark manipulating them, giving her more standing than she thought herself worthy.

She’d hoped that she could grab a moments respite. Though that idea was sent to the wind as she heard the roar of people nearby; heated voices carried on a cool breeze. She selfishly thought to ignore it for a moment before she threw her horses brush to the side. Stomping her way over to its source.

She found a mob that had grown outside the Chantry, a line drawn down the middle. A reflection of the rebellion that swept Thedus. Had it really got this bad when she was away? She thought going to Val Royeuax was supposed to ease the pain but it had only exposed the raw wound to everyone.

“You kind killed the most Holy!” 

“Lies! Your kind let her die!” 

“Shut your mouth, Mage!” 

A Templar drew his sword; the sound of the metal clanking split the tension in an instant. 

“ENOUGH!” 

Commander Cullen was between the two men in a flash. She was shocked at how he’d just thrown himself in the middle of it all; holding them both protectively at arm's length. Evelyn releasing in that moment that maybe he really did care of the plight on both sides of the scale. He’d been in Kirkwall after all, he’d seen it for himself.

“Knight Capti-” 

“That is not my title, we are not Templars any longer. We are all part of the Inquisition” Cullen rounded on his former brother that dared to question his authority.

”And what does that mean exactly?” Chancellor Roderick said emerging from the crowd.

“Back already Chancellor? Haven’t you done enough when the Herald was away” Cullen turned to him, still holding back the storm on either side with his presence.

“I'm curious Commander as to how your Inquisition and _your_ Herald will restore order as you have promised” The Chancellor looked proud, as if he thought he could break them with that.

“Of course you are” Cullen said through gritted teeth.

“Back to your duties” He turned to the crowd that still lingered. “Now!”

The crowd dispersed, still not content but at least intimidated into keeping the peace for a little longer. Leaving Evelyn with the Chancellor and the Commander. She could understand the unrest but this Chancellor seemed to revel in flaming the fire that roared around them. 

“Remind me again Commander why we are letting Chancellor Roderick stay here?” Evelyn stared through the cleric in front of her, bickering with this man was not going to help their situation. 

“You dare!” The Chancellor scoffed.

The pair watched as he stormed off towards the Tavern leaving them alone. Evelyn sighed heavily, not caring if the Commanding officer heard her disdain. 

Yesterday, if she had said such a thing she would have wanted to shovel those words straight back into her mouth. Now, after everything that had happened she found herself upset that she hadn’t said more.

“I’ve been trying to get him to leave for the last hour, a crowd started to gather” Cullen looked at her amused. “If only I knew it was that easy Lady Trevelyan”

She smiled at his compliment, not sure how to reply, even if slightly jarred by his formalities. No one had ever referred to her as ‘Lady’ at the Circle, it had been a recent development she hadn’t yet grown accustomed to.

Snow fluttered between them, pulling her eyes to the flakes than nestled their way into the rich fur of his mantle. It looked so warm as the wind picked up around them. She pulled her arms around herself to bring her coat in closer admiring the man in front of her. He’d chosen to defend a mage against one of his former brothers no less. 

He had chosen to put his life at risk to save something his former role had dictated a suspect. In her time in the Circle she had never witnessed a Templar, no she thought… a _man_ who would do so. Though he was no longer a member of the Order; he’d denounced his former title like a curse before her and Haven. He’d rode out this storm as when she’d been away, keeping the peace for the better of the people. 

Until she’d come home. 

“I’m sorry we were gone for so long, Commander” she said, realising the silence between them she looked nervously to the wooden doors; trying to find an excuse to leave. 

She could feel the air around them turn to static; the hum in his blood deafening just like when she had given him the papers on Dennet. She wanted to run, she had repented she’d learned that lesson. 

“I uh- was going to see Cassandra” she lied, knowing find well she had planned to pamper her horse until her head had stopped ranting on. 

“I’ll shall accompany you, if you don't mind my Lady? Josephine is eager for us all to speak” 

He’d extended a heavily, armored arm towards the door leading Evelyn into the Chantry. She forced herself to keep pace, feeling as though she was jogging to keep up with his long strides. 

“Lady Herald and… Cullen?” Josephine stumbled “Sorry Commander, I thought you were still dealing with the Chansoller”

“Our Herald seen him off, quite the spectacle. I’d settled on just keeping the peace until she arrived” Cullen sent Evelyn a smile from his side, her stomach instantly ending in her throat at the way his lips tugged around his scar. 

“Very well, we are glad to see you return after what happened” Josephine said.

“Seems I pushed through that crowd for no reason” Cassandra said to Evelyn as she approached with Leliana to join them.

“My Agents in the city sent word ahead, of course” Leliana said proudly.

“It’s a shame the Templars have abandoned their senses as well as the capital” Cullen said. She found her eyes drifting to his overbearing presence. Evelyn admired his bull-headed approach to these meetings; his reasoning firmly rooted in common ethics. 

“I suppose we at least we know what we're dealing with” Evelyn agreed with the man at her side.

“Yes, and now we have an opening to approach either faction” Josephine said.

“I am afraid Lord Seeker Lucias isn’t the man I remember” Cassandra reaffirmed the feeling in Evelyn's gut from the previous day.

“True he has taken the Order somewhere but to do what? My reports have been very… odd” Leliana mused.

“We must look into it, I’m certain not everyone in the Order will support him, some must see reason” Cullen said, clearly disappointed by the outcome.

“Or the Herald can simply go to Redcliffe to meet with the Grand Enchanter, she did personally extend the invitation to her” Josephine countered.

“I suppose it’s more than the Lord Seeker did” Evelyn mumbled to herself

“I understand The Lord Seeker’s actions are deplorable but the Templars will aid us. You really think the mage rebellion is more united? It could be ten times worse. We can’t justify using her as bait. We would be sending her to the wolves all over again!” Cullen grew heated. 

“Or we could stop bickering and come up with a plan together” Evelyn stated plainly, stopping their Commanders rant. She could play the bait if she wanted. But she could have sworn he had taken a step closer to her side. 

“I agree” Cassandra sent her a small reassuring smile; bolstering her fleeting confidence and egging her forward. 

“I want to visit Redcliffe, I’m sorry..” Evelyn said looking to Cullen, “but I have to see this through. There are families there, not just an army. What about the children? And... I-I have to speak to Fiona again” she added, giving up hiding how deeply personal this choice had become. 

She felt as though the wolves had already found her a long time ago.

She had to know; Why tear down the only sense of structure mages had from the inside out? Why let Lydia suffer as she led her rebellion? Why let chaos ensue.

Fiona had let her conspiracies whisper through every Circle. Evelyn understood logistics of the Circle was far from perfect, she had heard varying stories of other Circles; as all Circle mages dream of the grass being greener, freer on the other side. 

Though Ostwick was the picture of what a Circle could be; Lydia had fought hard to keep that. Templars who pushed too far faced the consequences of their actions, mages who didn’t tow the line were offered rehabilitation rather than punishment. 

“The mages are desperate” Cassandra reminded Evelyn “and if any are responsible for what happened at the Conclave” 

“The same could be said for the Templars! You all thought that of me not so long ago” Evelyn pointed out to the room.

“True enough, Lady Herald” Cullen turned to her his voice low “I understand Redcliffe wasn’t always a refuge for mages, some of my men have family there, they fear for the place...as do I” 

That had surprised her. He’d surprised her. He wanted to assist her in rescuing her people from a rebel mage stronghold. Evelyn had grown curious of their Commander. He was not what she had expected; offering her insight that she would never have found alone.

“Then it is decided” Josephine began rapidly scratching away with her quill on her clipboard. “The Herald will meet with the Grand Enchanter”

“Before you do, we welcomed a messenger belonging to a Mercenary band on the Storm Coat that would like to extend their support” Leliana passed Evelyn the report, “In our current position we can’t afford to reject their assistance”

~

Evelyn had changed into her normal clothing before heading off to the armory. Harrit was still there; he had a tendency to work late in the evening. She’d given Harrit her trusted set of armor for repair; a more durable set that Cassandra had given her before they’d journeyed into the Hinterlands.

She’d banned Evelyn from ever wearing the green ones she’d first met her in. She’d told her it was a matter of ‘practicality’. Evelyn more fancied the idea that she just didn't actually like her old ragged green robes; they had been practical at one point too. Cassandra had just never been around to see.

She’d just entered Haven's large gates when she’d noticed Cullen approaching his cabin. She was supposed to be meeting Sera soon but she reasoned that she had enough time. She quickened her pace, scared he would disappear. She needed to speak to him about the days events, the only person she could see that had the same sort of understanding of the Circle, even if it was from what her fellow mages would see as the enemy camp.

He’d paused at the door, like he could tell she was behind him, before turning to her.

“Do you have some time, Commander?” Evelyn asked once she’d slowed her pace; worried that he’d seen her run over to him. 

He looked to be holding back a smile..

“Of course” Cullen pushed the door open behind him, letting her through the threshold before he closed it firmly behind her. 

The bang of the wood hitting home set Evelyn's heart racing. The warmth of the tiny wooden shack growing in her bones. She looked around the room for a moment, feeling like she was seeing something incredibly personal. He removed his cloak to lay it over a chair near the fire.

“What was it you wanted to speak to me about?” Cullen asked as he knelt at the small fireplace, adding a log to feed the flames, looking naked without the fur caressing his neck. The flickering light from the growing fire shimmering against his breastplate.

“Comman-” she started

“Cullen” he looked to her from the fireplace, the light played across his face. “By the Maker, I’m sick of titles today, aren’t you?”

“It’s- I’m sorry I don’t think I feel comfortable in…” Evelyn swore she was burning a hole into floorboards; unable to look at him. She sighed, frustrated in her inability to communicate with him before she started, 

“If you stop referring to me as ‘Lady’, and no ‘Heralds’ either, I have never been a Lady ”

“I most definitely see a Lady before me and you are our Herald.. Evelyn” he smiled standing with her now. 

She swore he’d lingered on her name on purpose, it resonated within her, his low rumble, touching his lips washing away any sense left within her.

“What can I help you with?”

“I know you would rather me visit the Lord Seeker, but I have to explain myself. I have to speak to someone who knows...” she finally found his eyes, searching them making sure he understood what she was trying to say. 

He nodded to her, his eyes closing as he did so; almost reverent. She allowed herself this as if he’d somehow opened door for her to continue.

“I didn’t want to leave the Circle, even as I ran I wanted to stay. The Senior Enchanter of my Circle was..” she stopped looking to the roof of Cullen's cabin, and took a breath reminding herself that this wasn’t the first time she’d said this out loud. 

She made her way over to the chair next to the fire and dropped herself down. She kept her eyes on the fire in front of her; terrified if she moved them the floodgates would open.

“Cullen, Lydia was like a mother to me, the closest thing to a mother I’ll ever have since my own left me there, and now, now she’s gone” she heard floorboards squeak in the small cabin, 

“And now you give me a choice. One that leads me straight to the women took her away for me”

“Grand Enchanter Fiona?” Cullen asked after a moment, waiting for her to finish. . “She voted to dissolve the Circle” 

She nodded solemnly not moving her gaze. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes her hands searching for the wood of her chair, a sensation to bring her back to the moment. She was shocked when her fingers tangled into soft fur instead of the hardwood. She was sitting on the Commanders cloak, the very one she’d spent so much time admiring.

Her eyes shot open. Hands releasing the material. Only to see its owner in front of her face, on one knee to hold her gaze in his warm eyes. She knew he only did so to stop her from staring into the fireplace.

“Listen to me” he said softly, his doe-eyes searching hers for a moment before he continued, “She was just a small part of a larger chain of events that lead to Lydia's death. You mustn’t blame the actions of the many on the few. You have to try and think larger than the Circle, Evelyn, we- you are not there anymore”

Evelyn stayed silent, this was after all what she’d come here for; advice even if it wasn't the type she wanted to hear. She listened to him. Giving in as her hands tangled into the cloak under her; the rich fabric soothing her soul. 

“In Kirkwall…” Cullen began, “If you wanted to find a starting point, It’d be there. But I will tell you this, the problems were in Kirkwall long before Anders, long before he blew up the Chantry. That I can promise you”

“You knew Anders?” Evelyn moved forward on her seat, eager to hear the story from someone on the front lines. 

Cullen stood up abruptly, the air around them changing.

“I also knew of the Champion, Anders was her friend- others said he was more. Though I think you are missing the point” Cullen said.

“No, no” she stood, trying to convince herself that she did; she wanted to.

She closed the aching gap he’d made between them only to stop when she’d reached a point where it would have been seen as unprofessional. She wavered knowing she had crossed a line somewhere with him. For a moment she was sure she could feel the heat of his breath on her exposed skin.

“Cullen” she sighed, calling his name out in despair.

By the Maker, she was trying.

“I-ah, you must have other matters to attend” Cullen had taken step back to open the door.

“I suppose I do” Evelyn looked to the floor; mortified that she’d let someone see her like that. 

She couldn’t bare to look at him as she left. He’d offered her a simple ‘M’Lady’ as a farewell. The door closing between them. Evelyn had made her way straight to the Tavern after that. She should have went there to begin with, not making the same mistakes she’d made before. Was the Maker taunting her? To have sent this temptation to very her side, he must be. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Cullen removed his armor hoping to alleviate the pressure that spread through him once Evelyn had left; as if she’d taken the very air with her. He had tried to continue with his work in his cabin; requisitions, reports, supply lines, more supplies, plans for calibrating trebuchets. But he could hardly process the days events;

Grasping to hold the peace while she was away, Rodricks performance in front of the Chantry and her firm decision to go to Redcliffe against his better judgment. And lest he forget her confession in his cabin to round it off. At least that damned recruit had figured out his shield this week.

Evelyn filled his abode with a deafening emptiness in her wake. He’d asked her to leave; even though everything inside him wanted her to stay. It wasn’t her questioning of Kirkwall that had bothered him, he’d had a speech prepared for the occasion. It was her own plight at the Circle hitting too close to his own in Ferelden. Another innocent victim of those age old organisations. He’d been taken back by the vulnerable offering of her own truth. 

He understood that in some way she was asking for help. She needed to grow, for her sake and for the rest of Thedus. He had tried to offer her that. But instead, she’d asked about Anders. As if she could wrangle something out of him that wasn’t in the history books. He understood her reaction. Most people had shown morbid curiosity for his time in Kirkwall. But he’d wanted her to face her issues. Instead of her rooting through his own. Maker knows he’d already dug so deep. Had he called their time together too short? When she said his name...pleading with him for only Maker knows what. He didn’t know what to do, his instant reaction to deflect.

**Void to it all**

He needed to clear his head. Even if that was spent with a pile of paperwork in front of him in the tavern rather than in his cabin. He slammed his door and crunched through the fresh snow, pulling the warmth of his mantle closer to his neck. 

The cloak Leliana had insisted on tailoring; half a roll of the expensive, scarlet silk still lay somewhere. If it wasn’t for him turning in his armor when he’d left the Order he wouldn’t have owned the damned thing; silk offered no protection. It wasn’t until he’d caught himself brushing his cheek against the warm fur in the frosty mornings, feet numb whilst watching his men train, that he’d changed his mind.

When he reached the tavern he fought to close the thick wooden door against the icy wind. The air hummed around him with the chatter of the people of Haven while Maryden, a local minstrel added to the melody as she plucked and sang away. He ordered an ale and found a place at a table; avoiding eye contact with his fellow patrons. He purposely sat at a small table near the bar so he could take advantage of the light. He’d kept his eyes fixed on the papers on the well worn table, hoping that if he could ignore the room they could extend him the same courteousness. Feeling awkward in a place he usually gave a wide berth. 

He set about his work but the buzz of the tavern made concentrating all the worse; he could hear Varric touting a story of the Champion across the room from him, and her laugh. Evelyn was here. He looked up; frustrated that he’d didn’t pay attention to who was here before he’d sat down. He’d expected his men, maybe Ser Rylan, but not her; with her back to him, huddled around a table with Sera and Varric, sharing bowls of stew, several empty flagons around them. 

“And this Carta guy had grabbed Daisy..”

In the dim light she looked even smaller, more fragile than she did earlier in his cabin; as she sat on his chair, her fingers kneading his cloak beneath her. The very cloak that wrapped around his body now. She looked so exposed without her usual jacket; than hung over the back of her chair. Instead reveling a light cotton shirt that was too big for her and a pair of tight black leather trousers, calf high boots following the shape of her muscle. He swallowed, his mouth dry.

“...so Hawke says to him..”

He didn’t catch the punchline. He couldn't care. He watched as her head tipped back, golden hair flowing as the melody of her laughter filled the Tavern. The soft cotton of her shirt moved further down her spine; revealing more, more of that scar, brushing her neck before it ran deep from across her shoulder blade clawing halfway down her spine; to where the cotton denied his gaze further exploration. He wondered if it was part of the same incident, had it been at the Circle? but who’d dare touch...

“Curly?” Varric asked, startling Cullen.

Had he really been that focused on her that he didn't see him approach?

“Last place I expected to see you, this place has a good time written all over it, last I checked..I’m pretty sure that ain’t your thing” He studied him for a second, ale lingering on his breath, before he pointed to the table he’d just came from, “Or maybe **she** is?”

“By the Maker, Varric. I swear…” Cullen snapped; red cheeks and wide eyes; he’d been caught. 

He stole one last look at the table he’d been staring at for Maker knows how long. They met each other's gaze this time and she smiled at him; his heart leaped in his chest. She quickly turned back to Sera, now laughing together over their drinks. There was no getting away from this, he should have stayed at home. 

“I’ve just never seen her like this” Cullen finally said.

“Neither have we, seems she left your cabin a little upset though” Varric grabbed a chair in front of him, “I'm not sure of the whole of it but seems to me she just needs a little support, I don’t know what it was like in those Circles; couldn’t imagine what kinda shit she’s had to deal with, but what i’m trying to say to ya Curly, is that outta everyone. She came to you, like something outta one of my unpublished books, a Mage in this situation going to a Templar-”

“Former” Cullen interrupted.

“Whatever you say Commandar Curls” Varric smiled to him from across the table before getting up, like he knew something he didn’t. “You two have taken a shine to each other ‘Woowoo’ eyes Sera calls them, just don’t go acting all Kirkwall on this here, getting away from the Gallows has done you a world of good”

Cullen shook his head in response. He followed his friend by standing, quickly gathering the documents he’d been so set on working on. Hoping to escape the embarrassment that crept around him the more Varric spoke. Had he really been so obvious? And had he really upset Evelyn, so much as to speak to her companions about him?

He knew he’d disagreed with her decision to help Redcliffe. When he’d first protested about her visiting Val Royeaux; it was due to her ability to seal the breach. What use was she if they’d simply thrown her away? But she’d returned, with a mouthful for the Chancellor and a newfound determination. She’d stood up for what she believed in and openly admitted her personal motive; Fiona. And now she willfully threw herself towards what he deemed the worst option. He could see her struggle, understand it even and he wanted to help. He could see she was more than this. He wanted to try to offer her a moment away from the madness, remind her of a previous life. Help her learn how to breath again. 

“C’mon, let's go join the two of them” Varric nodded his head towards the table where Sera and Evelyn sat. 

And in that moment it clicked, the **letters**. The ones Leliana had initially picked apart; trying to work out if there was some hidden code within the Senior Enchanters praise of Evelyn. The ones that sat in Josephine chest, surely they wouldn’t miss one? 

“Curly?” Varric nudged his side.

“I uh- sorry but I have to..” he stumbled through his words, not wanting to explain to him that he was contemplating breaking into their Ambassadors office for some bit of paper. “Make sure she gets to her cabin safely, I'm sorry but I have another matter to attend to” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

Evelyn loved it here, though the rest of the group were not as enamored; mostly at the weather. At one point in their journey, as thick rain enveloped them, they’d watched a Dragon fight a Giant; both of epic proportions. She could hardly believe her eyes as the Dragon took flight in front of them. Not too long ago she never imagined she’d have the chance to witness such amazing creatures in the flesh. But here she was. 

Her newest companion Iron Bull, a Qunari who lead the mercenary band she’d been tasked to find, had been as excited as her to witness such a spectacle. She’d enjoyed the detour to the Storm Coast meet with Bull and his Chargers; his experience on the battlefield would undoubtedly come in handy, never mind his connections. 

Still she wanted to get back to Haven. She felt the more she sat on her decision to visit Redcliffe the more she doubted her initial reaction towards Fiona. Regret washing over her; even though fleeting. After all, if she hadn’t passed that vote...Evelyn knew she wouldn’t be here. Would she have ever made her escape?

She paddled in the sea close to their new camp; stopping every step or so to gather the plants scattered around her; enjoying the refreshing cold of the swell as her feet slipped under smooth pebbles. She was simply dumbstruck at the sheer amount of spindleweed that littered the coastline. She had never seen so much in one place before; spending more time than she should have gathering the herb as her new companions methodically constructed their camp nearby.

“Come on Ev!” Sera shouted across to her as she struggled with a tent pole. “‘Least use that mage malarkey to get a fire going, keep them tootsies warm eh?!” 

Evelyn hadn’t realised how long she’d been paddling by the sea, the light that miraculously managed to break through the heavy rain clouds rapidly disappearing. She quickly grabbed her damp boots she’d discarded at the beach and made her way back.

She dragged a larger piece of driftwood, she'd found, as she moved toward the clearing the placement of their tents had made in the center of camp. She threw it down haphazardly before sitting on the makeshift seat. She grabbed a few stones and started to prepare the pit for their fire. Building the rocks around the bottom, carefully keeping them even and flat; she’d learned that lesson the hard way; her first fires always suffocating themselves in those cold nights after the Circles collapse. Muscle memory kicking in; she began building up the kindling and driftwood that Bulls men had left there earlier. 

“Took you long enough!” Sera threw herself down on the log next to Evelyn with a overthetop sigh. “That’s your tent up though”

She looked to the stack of wood that Evelyn had been building. 

“See that’s grand and all, but we need heat. As in not freezing my toes off, yeah?”

Keeping quiet. Evelyn pulled her trusted flint from her pocket and struck quickly and concisely a few times next to the kindling. Sparks flying. She nursed the flame, smoke gathering, blowing into the pit. It cracked into a life around them; moisture snapping and popping from the fire as it grew. Feeling proud that she could still light a fire on this damp coastline without the use of her magic.

“You’re more than just some Circle magey, aren’t ya?” Sera smiled slowly at her, “Coulda just snapped those fingers but noooo, I knew I liked you for a reason”

Evelyn laughed at her newfound friends backwards compliment, she’d found it hard to understand her to begin with. Now, after spending time in the tavern at Haven together and traveling for some time she found herself at ease with her quirky companion. 

“Wonder what Commander Stick-Up-His-Arse has?” Sera laughed at her own joke and dramatically slapped her thigh.

“Sera, we aren’t going through this again” Evelyn tried to stop her friend from leading the conversation down this rocky road; it hadn’t been the first time she had tried to bring this up.

“Nah, Listen you. I caught him. Told ya ‘Cullys lookin’ Red handed too, all hotblooded, WooWoo eyes all over you. You seen it too! Remember!, Varric trying to get him to cut loose and you two are all-”

“Sera, please!” she laughed through her embarrassment, unsure how to reply, she just knew she didn’t want to hear any more.

Evelyn tried to stop herself from remembering their last night at Haven. As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself; they’d shared something across that dusky tavern. Cullen’s gaze reassuring her from across the room as he spoke with Varric. She’d left his cabin mortified that she had shared so much with him, that just like Demarcus.. She’d pushed those age old boundaries again. Yet in an instant he’d dashed that fear. The intent that burned behind his eyes, she’d never seen anything like it. The hold he had of her in that moment. Her cheeks scolded at the thought of it all.

“Do I get in on the joke?” Iron Bull asked from behind them. 

He knelt next to the growing fire to warm himself. 

“Nah, but this is kinda something” Sera said, “This fire, that one you’re heating those big sausages on. Is Ev’s fire. See? From scratch kinda fire, like we make,”

“Why didn’t you just use your abilities, nothing stopping you here Boss?” Bull cocked his head to the side, raising her an intrigued eyebrow as he focused on Evelyn; years of Ben-Hassrath training shining through his words. 

“After the Circles collapsed, I still had those letters from the Senior Enchanter...so I was alone trying to find my way south...to the Conclave but-” she thought for a second, not knowing how much to share.

“When there wasn’t much food around, I had some rations but- I didn’t have a clue how to survive” She laughed softly to herself; how naive had she been then?

“But I knew I had to try to preserve my mana levels in my body. I could have ended up using too much energy and thus rendered myself unconscious; I thought learning how to make a fire was a better than using what little mana I had left. When you’re cold and weak, It seems so tempting just to materialize heat into your hands” 

Evelyn held out her palm. She took a breath drawing inside herself and within an instant a flame danced in her hand. She smiled as she felt the heat tickle her skin before closed her fist, taking the heat with it and returned her hands up to the natural warmth of the fire.  
.  
“I sat, night after night, cold, wanting, crying, aching but I learned. And I suppose I am stronger for it, I definitely wouldn't have made it so far south... I was forever hurting myself, hence the scar” She admitted raising a finger to her cheek.

“So that's where the big one comes from?” Sera leaned closer to Evelyn; eager to hear more.

“I misjudged my footing and fell, nothing so exciting” She said quickly. 

Not willing to relive the gory details of her descent down that steep verge somewhere in the Free Marches. All Evelyn could remember was waking up with blood everywhere, hot, thick and pouring from the side of her head, terrified as she was unable to move from the position she had found herself in; flesh ripping at her spine with each breath. 

“As I said If I hadn’t have preserved my energy then I don’t think I would have managed to heal myself, So I suppose this is all just force of habit” She smiled to her friends, focusing her attention on the Quanari who prompted her to share more about herself than she’d really been inclined.

“If we’re exchanging stories of scars, then Bull? C’mon! Your turn” 

“I dunno, I’d need to check with Krem on that one” he smiled to her before shouting his comrade over.

~

Evelyn felt although she was missing something as she packed for her journey to Redcliffe. Running a mental checklist as she paced her cramped cabin, the planks under her feet groaning with each step as she dithered in the cool night air.

She had only got back to Haven that morning and she already had another long list of matters to attend to. Most of them, thankfully, leading back to the Hinterlands. Including reports of a Warden wandering the area amongst some of their more pressing issues. Though her workload never seemed to end; she found herself just relieved that once they reached Redcliffe they might have the support they needed to seal the breach. It was just the matter of securing said support.

The closer the upcoming meeting drew, the more she wondered what what would happen when she met the Former Grand Enchanter. She had spent so long imaging what she would say; though at the time Fiona was just one of the many names that she’d head mumbled over Lydia’s desk back at Ostwick. Though Evelyn still wondered. Was her Commander right? Was she wrong to throw the blame onto the shoulders of this woman she hardly knew, who she had barely spoken to. When so many others could be held accountable for what had transpired.

A hard knock at her cabin door pulled her from her musings.

“Come in!” Evelyn shouted, she heard the rusty hinges creak open.

“Evelyn, sorry I hope I’m not intruding” Cullen said as he closed the door behind him.

“Of course not, I like having you around” she admitted, wishing that she’d maybe chose a better selection of words as soon as she’d said it. She just wanted him to know she didn’t want him to leave.

“Well I uh-,” He faltered for a second before joining her next to the fireplace, she stole a moment to admire his presence as her eyes found their way to his gloved hands; holding a familiar piece of parchment. “I have something for you, I..” 

“How did you?" She interrupted him, "You don’t understand Cullen, these letters… this letter...I-I’d held onto them for so long, so tight” she whispered, as he handed her the letters; tips of his soft leather gloves brushing her bare skin.

“When I escaped the Circle with them in my pocket, Maker..I was so tired, so lost, even when I had a horse. I didn’t even know where I was going, I just kept following this trail, hoping I would reach the shore, If I reached the shore I had to be going south right?” she stopped for a second not looking for an answer, Cullen’s warm gaze offered her that reassurance.

“I swear to Andraste herself, I could feel the heat of Lydia’s words burning into my palm, telling me none of it would be worth it If I didn’t get here, how would her death find any sort of justice? How would any of those poor souls back-” she laughed lightly to herself, surprising Cullen. 

Her fingers tracing the seal of the envelope her touch as soft as a lovers caress; as she remembered.

“I used to worry about crumpling them ‘What good would they be’ I thought, What good where they if Cass or Leliana couldn’t read them? If they couldn’t read how much we needed your help” her voice trailed off and she looked to the floor as recounted the events leading her to this moment.

“We _need_ you Evelyn, Though we didn’t know that at the time” he said softly, the way his voice broke the silence stole her eyes upward; locked before him unable to look away.

“But if Lydia’s kind words can offer you any shred of strength, then hold on to that, as tightly as you can” he inched closer to her ”I can’t imagine what you are going through and If I- I mean, any of us can help like you’ve helped us so far”

“But, I don't understand. How did you know? How did you get a hold of them?” she held up the letters between them; paper almost brushing his breastplate due to proximity.

“A little bird” he smiled, lips pulling to the side of his scar; the low light tickling his skin. 

“But Leliana, does she know? Won’t she be mad? I’d rather…” she began to panic

“Evelyn, they won’t miss a thing. Trust me, you need this more than that rusty old chest of Josephine's. And when Cassandra first told me of yo- of the letters… that is, I knew that-” 

Cullen broke their gaze to look at the roof above them, bringing his hand up to the back of his neck; rubbing furiously. An action Evelyn had seen before; she let out a breath from her nose, trying to not laugh at his sudden nervousness.

“Thank you” she touched his arm in an act of comfort. 

She tried to stop herself from letting out a gasp; shocked at the piercing chill held within the metal of his braces. No sooner had her breath escaped her lips and his eyes were on her. Her hand still holding onto his free arm. The air around them pulsing; her heart racing. She wondered if he could feel the beat of her through his armor; surely she thought, it was deafening.

“I-ah, I shall leave you to your affairs” Cullen took a step back, his head lowering slightly as they disconnected. “I’m sorry Evelyn, you have a lot to do before you set off tomorrow. I have ensured Dennet has readied our best mounts, packed and well rested for you to leave at dawn”

“Thank you again, Cullen. You’ve been too kind to me” She gestured to the letters in her hands, trying to find the words for the overwhelming gratitude she felt.

“No, not at all, I- uh look forward to your safe return” He offered a heartbreaking smile before he ducked through her door into the snow that continuously battled Haven.

When he left, she’d almost tore the envelope trying get to Lydia’s words. She sat on her bed rapidly trying to take in the familiar handwriting in front of her. When she’d finally finished, the floodgates opened. Months worth of pent up grief, flowing from her; she fought to catch her breath through the swell that ravaged her. 

Lydia had known. She had known something would happen, not to the extent that had. But she had suspected impending fall of Ostwick. Lydia could have, no _should_ have taken the opportunity to leave.

Yet she’d sent Evelyn in her stead; with a pocket full of praise.

Lydia’s script had detailed why she so wholeheartedly believed in Evelyn. She’d called her; _a beacon of the future, a vision of how a Circle Mage should hold themselves._ So faithful that Evelyn was the best prepared for the world outside the Circle; a world that she’d only imagined. She'd believed in her to carry this message halfway across Thedus, not any of her advisers or students that had been under her care for an eternity. 

But Evelyn; out of everyone back at the place she’d once called home

She tried to gather herself. Fully aware that she couldn’t let her emotions get carried away from her. She had to travel to Redcliffe tomorrow. She would meet with the former Grand Enchanter again to attempt to broker an alliance. After all, regardless of Fiona’s former actions; didn’t her people deserve help? A chance to prove themselves out with the confinement of the Circle like Evelyn had? Now, that went against everything she had been taught, against the doctrine embedded within her. 

Though she knew she had flourished outside the Circles walls. Learned to survive, to live, to breath. She had grown. Grown into something more than the seed Lydia had planted back at the Circle. And somewhere inside her, she wanted to offer it the light it needed; the nourishment it craved.

With numb fingers she pushed the letter back inside its home, tucking in the seal with care. She slipped the envelope back into her pocket of her enchanter coat that lay at the bottom of her bed; ready for tomorrow. She began to change herself for bed feeling safe in the knowledge that she was finally packed. And that right in the moment where it mattered the most, that it was Cullen that had given this to her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Everything ached. His flesh, his muscles, his bones; right down to the very sinew that struggled to hold him together on the best of days. A constant rhythmic thrum; calling out to a previous life that echoed deep within. Tempting whispers; what if he? It’s still there... a taste, a lick, just a-

Cullen sat under candlelight at his desk in his modest cabin; piles of paperwork strewn across the small table. He wiped away the cold sweat that had crept on his brow. Closing his heavy eyes and taking a slow, deep breath attempting to sooth the unrest that ravaged his core. He stretched back his shoulders back trying to find some sort of relief in his change in posture. 

_Nothing,_ he sighed.

It had only gotten worse since Evelyn was away. He wasn’t sure if it was just bad timing but when she was around; the weight of it all, didn’t seem as bad. He could admit that he had missed her companionship. 

He had tried to hide his disappointment when they received a report from Evelyn informing them she had been delayed in the Hinterlands. Leliana had noted that Evelyn had been purposely vague, not detailing the outcome with her meeting with Fiona or anything hinting towards ensuring an alliance. Simply stating that she’d found Warden Blackwall and she had been delayed. Leliana boasting her trust in Cassandra to the remaining council; ensuring them that they all would return safely.

Yet he couldn’t help but worry. 

What could have delayed her this long? The journey from the Hinterlands could sometimes take longer than anticipated when the snow was particularly heavy; like it had been. But it just wouldn’t sit right with him. He’d felt something change, maybe it was just the withdrawal, maybe it was spending too much time alone as the blizzard whistled around his cabin. 

All he knew was that he would find a little respite when she returned. Makers mercy, he might be able to sleep. 

“Commander?” a muffled voice accompanied by a knock at his door. Cullen let out an unimpressed grunt before he managed to convince himself to answer the door; one of Leliana’s scouts stood before him snow whirling into the doorway.

“What?” 

“It’s the Herald Ser, she’s returned”

With that Cullen had almost ran; right past the scout, up the stairs, down the path to the Chantry. Utterly overwhelmed by the urge to see her, to find out what had happened when she was away. The sickness that previously washed through him replaced with questions. He just hoped somehow those letters he’d given her would offer some solace when she was away. A little comfort in the knowledge that someone cared; that she wasn’t alone in her plight.

When he’d thundered through the door he was surprised to see Cassandra and a man he did not recognize; a mage. His ornate, tan robes exposing one toned shoulder, his staff strapped tight to his back. Sporting well kept moustache. Cullen stopped in his tracks, who was this man? And where was Evelyn?

“Ah, Commander Cullen. May I introduce Dorian of House Puvas without his aid in Redcliffe I doubt we would have returned” Cassandra said as she raised a hand to the man beside her.

“Good Evening Commander, charmed to finally meet the head of The Inquisition's forces, seems like _your_ Evelyn just gathered you a whole allied mage army” Dorian smiled.

Cullen shot Cassandra a look, Evelyn _allied_ with Fiona.

“I see” Cullen said flatly; he knew he should have thanked the man for helping them. But all he could feel envy bubbling inside; jealous in the mere thought that this Tevinter mage seemed to know so much more than he did. That he had somehow had been key in bringing Evelyn back to him.

“Here is the full report, we shall meet in the morning to discuss the ramifications of the events at Redcliffe, as you’ll see from the report Commander, this is rather disturbing” Cassandra handed Cullen a report from a small pile in her hand. 

Cullen quickly scanned the page in front of him, not able to wait. Not caring that he had an audience as he read. He needed to know.

“..Makers Breath, what is this insanity?” He managed as he tried to comprehend the report in front of him; reading certain parts of the report again... because surely this wasn’t right. 

Evelyn and this Dorian had been flung into the future, revealing to them what would happen if they didn’t try to stop this ‘Elder One’; the cause of all this madness. They had witnessed what would happen if they didn’t succeed in closing the breach. Cullen had damned whatever strange forbidden magic had caused this. Though, throughout the report he had noticed no mention of his name in this dystopian nightmare of Thedus that this ‘Elder One’ planned to make a reality. He couldn’t imagine a world where he wouldn’t have tried everything in his power to stop this terror; what would have voided him from her side in such dark days.

“As I said, we will reconvene in at dawn. We all need a little time to rest” Cassandra said.

“And Ev- I mean The Herald? What’s her status?” Cullen tried to find any hint of professionalism left within him; at this point his concern for her wellbeing dashing all sense of appropriateness. 

“Solas helped her to her cabin after we arrived, she must try to rest” Cassandra sighed as she eyed him “I will show Dorian to his new quarters, he will be staying with us, at Evelyn’s request”

Cullen quickly looked to Dorian. Who caught his burning eyes with a cheeky smile, was he taunting him? Evelyn had _requested_ he stayed with them? 

“I suggest you also do the same, Commander” Cassandra said firmly.

 

Begrudgingly, Cullen returned back to his quarters, battling through the snow until he reached his door. He’d haltered; eyeing Evelyn’s cabin at the end of the row; a light flicking through the window. She was home. He thought for a moment that he should go see her, maybe check if she was okay. An icy breeze swiftly knocked that notion from him and he went inside; settling on reading the entirety of the report Cassandra had given him on their time in Redcliffe.

He had taken care when reading the report, making sure that’d he’d at least tried to wrap his head around what had transpired before he’d joined the rest of his council in the morning. As much as liked to be thorough in his work; he’d read, and re-read the parchment over and over again; unable to stop himself. The cold sweat returned as he felt sick in the knowledge of what Evelyn had experienced. He scolded himself for thinking that letter could possibly helped her; what had he been thinking? He should have given her more, more support; what if he’d sent his men with her? Found her better materials for-

He threw the report onto his desk and began the process of removing his armor He knew that dawn was close; having spent more time than he should have at his desk. He knew should try and rest, his friends earlier advice running through his head. He’d expected to feel more relieved when Evelyn returned; instead he just felt restless. He wrestled with numbly with the buckles of his braces, the last of the set and placed on its stand; ready for the next day. 

He want not surprised as he heard another knock at his door. He restrained his instant urge to curse at whoever had decided to visit him at this hour. He expected a scout, another report or even one of the council; at this early hour of the morning? It had to be important.

He was awestruck when he opened it to his second unexpected visitor of the night; Evelyn; tiny in front of his doorway, hair dancing around her face in the battling storm. Her usual fawn enchanter coat looking unusually too big for her. Her hands were stuffed into the pockets, pulling the coat tight to her to cover her nightgown. Still the material of her jacket gathered in around her like sheets on a bed after a restless night. Her sickly pale complexion almost glowing in the dark. 

“I can’t sleep, you.. I’m sorry but I saw a light and thought-”

“Come in” He interrupted her; wanting nothing more than to bring her into the warmth. “Now”

Evelyn had hesitated, like she hadn’t heard him the first time. There could have been something more to it but Cullen was more focused on her well-being. He’d spend such a long time imagining this reunion; he just didn’t think she would turn up like this. What if one of the scouts seen, or his men? What would they think?

His hand reflexively shot up to the back of his neck, rubbing furiously as his mind raced. Makers Breath, he was too intimidated at the idea of such gossip to even approach her cabin in the evening; anxiously slipping the report about Dennet under her door in those first few weeks. Of course he’d visited her before Redcliffe- but that was different, he didn’t have a choice, it wasn’t as late... But Evelyn in his quarters, at this hour? Someone was bound to have noticed.

Evelyn grabbed his chair at his desk; wood grinding in the silence between them as she dragged it lazily next to the fireplace. She sat herself down. He stared for a moment, remembering her sitting in exactly the same position last time she had visited him. Looking just as deflated, as if she’d never left. 

“I hope I’m not intruding, I know its late” She met his gaze for the first time; dark rings hung low under her puffy eyes, “It’s just since we got back to Haven-” she bit her bottom lip, letting out a hiss as she winced in pain. She buried her hands deeper into her jacket.

Out of the corner of his eye noticed a flicker of green light peek out from her pocket; where she’d buried her hands attempting to hide her mark. Cullen closed his eyes for a moment wondering what he could do, all his years spent in the Order had not prepared him for this. The Order had never covered how to help a mage in this situation; more on how to deal with one. In fact, as of recent he had tried to distance himself as far away as possible from that life. And yet, she still came to him.

“Here” he said.

Cullen made his way to her, easing her out of damp, freezing overcoat. Her hands quickly balling together in her lap. Overly aware of where to place his eyes as she sat in her long silk dressing gown; it had been a long time since he’d been in a women’s presence that adorned such a garment. Though he understood the logic of not sitting in wet clothing. He hung her coat to dry over the back of the other chair opposite her and sat down. 

“Thank you” she said softly.

He watched her closely as she held her hands together tightly, nails digging into flesh. Her eyes drawn downward. Something had changed in her, he could feel it. It could have been the trails and tribulations of his day, the lack of sleep, the lack of voided lyrium toying with him. But he could see her quiet resolve, as she gnawed into her bottom lip; suffering. 

“Did you tell Solas?” he asked, she offered him a light nod through closed eyes. “And this is what… normal?”

“He thinks the mark is growing, becoming more a part of me...binding itself” she shook her head; like she was trying to dash away the reality of it all “Growing pains I suppose?”

Cullen scoffed at the thought of it. 

“Solas did give me a sleeping-draught that clearly hasn’t helped, I just feel all woozy now, see?” She pointed to her swollen eyes. 

“What about the pain, isn’t there something I can get you?” Cullen asked.

“Cullen, I could make myself something If I really need it, plus I’m kind of used to it now, not the mark… the pain of it” 

“I understand” he smiled to her softly; knowing all too well the struggle. “How do you deal with it… the pain I mean?”

“I don’t know if you do ‘deal’ with it, I think you just learn to block it out more. It stops being so loud after deafening you for so long” she stopped for a second taking a breath, “When I was traveling to the Conclave, It was so far and I so was tired. I missed my footing and fell. I must have slipped halfway down this steep slope, by the time I was conscious, I had to heal myself. I had no choice, there was so much blood and I had to move through the agony of it all just to get to my wounds, fighting with myself..”

“So your scar on your cheek?” he asked, had it all been from the same fall?

“And right down my spine, ripped right through to the bone too. But this” She looked to her marked hand still balled in her lap, “This though, this I can’t just heal away, I know how to persevere with it, manage the pain… but It’s like it has a life of its own”

“Maybe once we seal this breach, It might...” he tried to offer her anything to hold on to in her train of thought.

“Maybe, I guess you’ve read the report?” She asked, he simply nodded to her. “I won’t let that happen, we can’t let it happen Cullen. Me and Dorian...we saw it. Saw what would happen if we this 'Elder One' succeeds. When we were there I kept wondering what had happened to- and Dorian just kept telling me we would fix it, it would be okay, we could come home...And I held onto Lydia’s letter so tight ...I-It’s…” she paused shaking her head, gathering herself

He’d felt himself flinch forward in his seat. It took everything in Cullen not to close the gap between them. To take her into his arms and tell her, it would be okay, that she didn’t have to hold this weight on her shoulders. That they could heal this wound too.

“And I was worried about Fiona” Evelyn laughed bitterly, her tone changing as she straightened herself in the glow on the fire. 

“I was surprised that you chose to ally with them, with everything with Lydia...after our last conversation” he said, still trying to make sense of it all.

“I surprised myself, I’d spent so long imagining what I would say to someone who had anything to do with the fall of the Circles. Yet..” her voice grew soft, “When I found someone to blame, when Fiona was stood right there in front of me, I had to help, I couldn’t punish them all...and you were right”

“Right about what?”

“About not blaming her for alone for what happened at the Circle, with Lydia... to me, and now… I’ve realized that if it wasn’t for her vote… then maybe I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have got to the chance to paddle along the Storm Coast, the amount of spindleweed there, Makers mercy! You should see it, Or even had the chance to meet-” she broke her gaze with him, settling her eyes back to the fireplace. 

The weight of her words hanging between them. She shifted in her chair, the light playing against her flesh tempting him to explore this new sight.

“What I’m trying to say is, is that maybe the Maker has a bigger plan for us all?” she said.

“It's a comforting thought, I'm happy to have helped” he said, still shocked that his brief conversation with her had hit home. He thought he’d possibly upset her more at that time, “I apologize for the way I spoke to you before when you asked about Kirkwall, It was rude of me to-”

“No!” she exclaimed, her attention fully his now. “No, no I should apologise, I know the time we spent at the Circle is hard to look back on.. for both sides. I should have understood this and really could have asked a little more tactfully” 

He let out a little chuckle and her choice in words.

“Allow me this, at Kinlock Hold during the Blight It was... especially difficult, I’d rather not speak at length of the time I spent there. But when I was stationed away... I still was haunted by what had happened, my time there caused me to view mages in a way that..I am not proud of”

“But now, you’re not- I mean that must have changed.. You helped me, gave me that letter...”

“I-uh, that part of me. It was a long time ago, after Kirkwall… like you, I realised my judgment was misplaced. I believe we, that is Templars and Mages can work together. And I suppose we’ll learn how to together...considering you’ve brought me Fiona's rebellion” Cullen shared a smile with her, lightening the moment.

“See when you became a Templar did you take vows.. I know some of the Templars within my Circle were rather… devote. Giving up even physical temptations..” Evelyn had leaned forward, he could see the silk of her gown slip further down.

“Physical? Why…” Cullen cleared his throat trying to form a polite answer; trying to keep his eyes on hers. “Why would you… That’s not expected. Templars can marry – although there are rules about it, and the Order must grant permission… Some may choose to give up more to prove their devotion like the Templars in your Circle, but it’s, um, not required. .”

“What about you, did you-” Evelyn eyes had grown darker in the warm glow. 

“Me?I-uh... no. I’ve taken no such vow, I am no longer part of the Order so...” Cullen rubbed his jaw, unable to hold himself; trying to forget the Lady asking these very questions sat not far from him in nothing but her bed clothes “Maker’s breath – can we speak of something else?”

“Of course, you know. I think Varric was right as well” she said, adhering to his complaints by her change in topic.

“'Right as well'? Whatever do you mean?”

“He said we both spend too much time with serious experience on our faces, I mean… he might have a point”

“He said that to you too?” Cullen shook his head with a smile. “Did he also tell you it’s bad for your health?”

She nodded enthusiastically as they laughed together, for a brief moment forgetting the troubles that awaited them outside the comfort of those four walls. 

“It’s getting lighter,” she said, looking out to the break of light that had kissed the land. “I should go, before everyone is awake. But..thank you”

As Evelyn stood Cullen tried his best not to admire her form before him, material gathering at her full hips..exposing curves he’d never noticed before. Her shape that was usually hidden underneath thick leather jackets, shirts and scarves. Now, he could follow the prefect bell of her waistline.

Cullen stumbled to his feet, offering Evelyn her overcoat that had been drying on his chair as they'd spoke. He held the jacket up to her, offering her its warmth. She wound her way into its arms, her golden hair brushing his fingertips as she settled herself within. He pulled back once she was in her coat, taken aback by his own actions.

“See you at the War Table? We can both suffer the wrath of this sleepless night together” she said with a grin as she’d left his cabin; breaking into the dawn across to her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter gave me some serious feels :) Far too long and indulgent, but thank you once again for all the wonderful support! You guys are amazing :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

They’d done the impossible; against all odds they’d healed the very heavens. As relieved as Evelyn was she still felt uneasy knowing that all this was starting to feel normal to her. Summoning every fiber in her being to close these rifts only for the constant murmur from her mark thrive within her; louder even. She’d hoped that, like Cullen, maybe closing it at its source would help the dull ache. 

Solas and Cassandra helped her back to her cabin after they’d sealed the breach at The Temple of Sacred Ashes; where’d it had all began. Haven celebrated around them as they hustled her protectively inside, an arm on each of her companions shoulders to hold her own weight; her muscles felt so light, numb with exertion. Cassandra left the pair, telling them she had to speak to their advisers.

“You must eat in these cold mornings, I’ve told you this how many times? Evelyn why are you intent in ignoring me?” Solas snapped at her as he helped her to bed.

“I tried, I did, I was anxious… It just wasn’t enough to get me by” She removed her overcoat, pushing it to the floor.

“We have spoke of how important it is! To keep yourself healthy and well, I am struggling to find a way to get through to you”

“I didn’t mean to-” Evelyn tried to apologize; having heard this rant before.

“We will survive, now lay your head”

At that she eased herself down onto the soft fur of the blankets that lay scattered across her bed. Solas handed her a few draughts from his satchel with a stern look before he left. She forced the bitter liquid down her throat, knowing it would ease the anguish as she tried to find some well earned rest. 

Her mind raced, flashing as she tried to process their almost improbable victory. She’d finally reached the end of the journey she started all the way back at Circle. And for a moment she let herself wonder what would become of her now; the Herald and her mark. Her new found freedom. She closed her heavy eyes, letting the lull of distant celebrations slowly nurse her into the Fade.

 

Evelyn woke to dusk bathing her cabin. Startled by how late it was. Laughter, singing and merry chatter echoed around the village; beckoning her. She quickly grabbed her coat that she’d thrown to the floor earlier; glad to feel some fluidity restored back to her movements. Still, her palm burned relentlessly; a sickly stutter illuminating the room as it pulsed. Reflectively she balled the cuff of her jacket into her fist and shoved it in her pocket; out of sight. Her other hand grabbing onto the letter in its rightful place in her other pocket. She took a breath to steady herself. 

Celebrations crackled like electricity in the air; her stomach lurched at the possibilities. Evelyn set her heart on heading to the tavern, most likely the busiest place in Haven. But Sera, Bull and or Varric would be hidden in the crowd. Or maybe the Commander would be celebrating with his troops? Unlikely, she thought. Last time she’d seen him there his eyes had burned straight through her, just like when she’d dared herself out of desperation to visit him in the middle of the night. Her stomach began to bubble again at the very thought.

At that, she secured her cabin door and made her way up the stone steps towards the center of Haven. As she moved through the village; cries of thanks called her title, soldiers and scouts raised their drinks from their camps, women dropped to their knees at the sight of her praising Andraste herself, children restrained by their parents as they tried to rush to her. She didn’t know where to look, but when her eyes found their Commanders, standing next to Leliana’s tent, she almost forgot all about the tavern. 

They shared a smile across the village; seeing this as an invitation. Evelyn squeezed her way past a merry gathering of people near Varric’s tent. All in an attempt to avoid the rest of Haven’s praise; she nimbly climbed up the small ledge yearning to stand at Cullen’s side. 

In those darkest of nights he’d offered her light, a warmth that she had never felt. At the Circle she had only dreamed of experiencing such moments with Demarcus; eyes spending far too much time caressing each others flesh, a jolt as their fingertips touched, the hope that there was something more behind their exchanges. Cullen grinned as she cleared the ledge; shaking his head at her eagerness. 

“I was going to the Tavern..and I thought I’d extend you the invitation” she beamed as she joined him.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Solas has you doing his bidding now?” Evelyn teased, “Well, we made it and I just thought that maybe we could share a drink this time. Rather than you..”

“Rather than me...?”

“Rather than you gawking at me from across the room” she said; words tumbling out her mouth, cheeks turning scarlet with regret wishing he’d left her train of thought alone. 

“Gawk- from across? I-uh, I would never-” Cullen's cheeks flushed pink as he rubbed the back of his neck avoiding her eye line “Have you stepped foot anywhere near there since you woke? It’s packed, my men’s doing I’ll admit, I just doubt we would be able to get in there without everyone making a fuss, you understand how important this is? What you accomplished today?”

“I, well, it wasn’t just me though, I would have never managed to do any of this if it wasn’t for you- if it wasn't for everyone’s help. Even Fiona’s, if you could believe that” 

“Without _you_ we would never had the ability to close the breach” he held her gaze, “So please allow me to thank you on behalf of everyone.. I mean it” 

“It was the least I could do, I didn’t have much of a choice though, did I?” She looked to her hand in her pocket for second.

“I suppose you’re right..have you thought about what will happen next? For you, the mages.. for everyone I suppose?”

“Honestly? No, a little but… it’s not exactly my decision. I just hope we can find a way to exist without our lives being decided for us from such at young age. Now we’ve found some sense of freedom, of redemption, maybe? I understand my time in the Circle was rather… favorable, I was lucky compared to most. I just hope that now, we can prove ourselves, maybe the rest of Thedus will come to see that we came to their aid in these dark days. That we worked together...” She mused.

“It’s a **we** now, is it?” Cullen smiled. 

“ _We’re_ not all bad, we all deserve a second chance; you’ve shown me that” she caught the glint in his eye; his lopsided smile.

Her heart hammered in her chest trying to hold her expression and his gaze. Summoning anything left within herself not to grin like a wild Mabari.

“That I did” he said; for a second sounding proud, that look back in his eyes. 

Searing.

A clang of warning bells hammered around the pair, before the first chime had reverberated through her he clutched her forearm with a firm, leather glove.

“We must get to the gates” he said; his hand moving down her arm lingering; leather and flesh interlocking as their fingers bound together.

Cullen guided her, hand in hand, towards the large wooden gates; calling to his men and civilians as they moved. In an instant, he’d sank back into his role. Commanding the space around him, all Evelyn could do was watch this man who held her; pulled down the pathway.

“Forces approaching, to arms!” he barked.

“Cullen?” Evelyn found herself jogging to keep pace with his long strides, her marked hand squeezing his own looking for some sort of reassurance

“Just follow me” he charged down the last staircase, tightening his grip around her hand; for a moment the cool, pressure of him soothing the constant flames of the sickly magic that licked at her palm.

”So...celebratory drinks are on hold then?” Bull joined their side, following them down the stairs to the gate with Sera; undoubtedly coming from the comfort of the tavern.

A small band of their council and the rest of Evelyn’s companions had gathered near the sturdy gates. Cullen let go of her hand. She had felt her shoulders automatically slump as he detached, like he’d taken half her will with him as they disconnected. 

“Commander Cullen, one watchgaurd has reported a massive force just over the mountains” Josephine approached them.

“Under what banner?” Cullen asked.

“None” Cassandra answered him.

“What do you mean, **none**?” Cullen spat.

“I can’t come in unless you open the gates!” A voice interrupted the tension from the other side of the gates.

Evelyn looked to the gathering for any sign of protocol in this situation; but she could hear the plight in the man’s voice; instinct overruling any insecurities within that moment.

“Open the gates!” She cried to one of Cullen’s men, as she changed down the staircase. 

Cullen hastily followed after he as she made her way outside. She stopped at the sight of a young man in tattered clothing, pale blonde hair matching her own obscured by an oversized brimmed hat.

“I’m Cole, I came to warn you, to _help_ , people are coming to hurt you, you probably already know” he said softly.

“What?” Evelyn managed, finding it hard to process their situation, “What is this? What’s going on?”

“The Templars come to kill you-” Cole said softly.

“Templars! Is this the Order’s response to our talks with Fiona!? Attacking blindly!” Cullen rounded on himself before pacing a circle back to Evelyn's side; protectively.

“The Red Templars went to The Elder One, you know him and he knows you, you took his mages, there” Cole pointed up to the mass amount of forces, thousands of stars falling down the frosty mountains that cradled Haven, heading right towards them, “You stole them from him” 

“The Order went to this ‘Elder One’? It can’t be, Samson?” Cullen looked to their new found ally for confirmation; Evelyn could hear the disappointment in his voice; a tone that she had heard before in those cold nights together in his cabin. 

“He’s very angry” Cole nodded softly 

“Cullen, give me a plan anything?” She turned to him, all her fears in her time at Redcliffe flooding through her. Feeling time slipping away from her at each hammer of her heart. She wouldn’t let this happen to them, not again. 

“Haven is no fortress If we are to withstand this... monster we must control the battle, we must get out there and hit them with force”

Evelyn spun on her feet, instinctively following his orders before he pulled her back. His hand back on her arm, holding her in place.

“Evelyn, give them everything you can” Cullen softly. 

He grave her forearm one tight squeeze before letting her go. Evelyn simply nodded as they parted and ran to the bottom staircase to fetch her companions; Cassandra holding her staff out for her expectantly. 

“MAGES!” Cullen cried as he bounded triumphantly through the crowd that had gathered outside, 

“You have sanction to engage! That is Samson, a former member of the Order, and he will not make it easy!” Cullen drew his sword, metal biting the air; he raised arm the army around him as he rallied their people. “Now! With the Herald!”

A cheer rang out around them, washing though the crisp air around them.

“For your lives! For all of us!” Cullen roared; a deafening wave chorus sang in reply; ready to make a stand against this great unknown.

United.

~

Evelyn stood still, head to the sky, mouth agape as the battle raged on around her. Hoping in the name of Andraste that it wasn’t really a Dragon flying over their heads. It was colossal, the beat of its wings drumming fear into her as in drove past them spewing fire at the trebuchet they had just armed. Surely this was a dream, she’d been knocked unconscious during the battle when winding that damned wheel.

“Ah, that’s just messed up!” Bull shouted. He stuck a well aimed blow with his war ax; a wet thud hit the dirt as he split a skull of a nearby Red Templar who dared to come too close to them.

His vast understatement of their situation bringing Evelyn back to reality. 

“We must return to the Chantry!” Cassandra bellowed from across the battlefield as she bashed another enemy to the ground with her shield that had gained ground on Sera. Evelyn quickly conjured a barrier under her friends feet, feeling guilt at her distraction.

“Everyone to the gates, now!” Evelyn shouted to her party and what was left of their forces. 

 

Once they had reached the Chantry Evelyn violently threw her fists at the hefty doors; silently pleading to the Maker for them to open. Behind her; her companions, a small group of villagers and their what was left of their army in the pandemonium. They'd even found Cole and the Chancellor on their way. They’d fought off abominations, bashed down doors to get to people trapped in the hellish fire that ravaged Haven, just to get back to the Chantry. Clearing a brief path through the waves of assailants that tried to lay waste to them. To the only place that might offer some sort of hope. 

Where she pleaded to the Maker Cullen would be; to offer her a glimmer of light in this desolation. 

The damp wood moved beneath her skin as the doors opened with a crack. She took a quick step to the side to let people past to find refuge. Cullen pulled the door open wider though still keeping guard; beckoning them inside.

“Move it! Move it! Come on!” he rushed the group as they huddled inside. 

“Move it! Into the Chantry!” He shouted to his men who still lingered on the battlefield.

Where only moments before her and Cullen and stood and spoke about their triumph and thought about a future. That seemed like a lifetime away after the assault on Haven this ‘Elder One’ led.

“You too, come on” Cullen guided her through as the last of his men entered the Chantry; closing and latching thick timber to reinforce the already secure doors behind them.

“Strong, beautiful in such chaos, white blond hair; dancing through snow. Thank the Maker she's here” Cole muttered from beside her.

“What did you say?” Evelyn asked turning to him, confused at Cole's remark.

She watched as Cole struggled under Chancellor Roderick weight trying to guide him to a nearby chair.

“What happened to the Chancellor?” Cullen bolted to help Cole support Roderick; as they eased the wounded man into the seat. 

“He tried to stop a Templar, the blade went too deep, he’s going to die..” Cole said bluntly.

“What a charming boy” Roderick remarked sarcastically through struggled breath; rasping in his wounded chest.

“Herald, our position is not good, that dragon stole back any time you might have earned us” Cullen said as he stood, “This is the only place that might hold against that ...beast. At this point just make them work for it”

“I’ve seen a archdemon, I was in the fade but it, it looked like that” Cole stammered.

“I don't care what it looks like! I care more that it just cut a path right through us for it’s army” Cullen turned his attention on the young man. “They’ll kill everyone in haven” 

“The Elder One doesn’t care about the village, he only wants the Herald” Cole said still tentatively crouched at the Chancellors side. 

“If it will save these people, he can have me” Evelyn said, offering them anything, they could have her… as long as someone made it out of here alive. If she could give them that chance, it'd be more than she did at the before.

“It wont, he wants to kill you, no one else matters but hell crush them. Kill them anyway...I don't like him” Cole rambled on softly.

“You don't lik-” Cullen stopped himself before he turned his eyes on her. “Evelyn, I can offer you no tactics this time to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche, maybe if we turned the remaining trebuchets and cause one last slide?”

“We’re overrun, Cullen! To hit the enemy we’d bury Haven, You’d die!” Evelyn looked to him, shocked at his suggestion; it was suicide.

“We’re already dying, but we can decide how, most don't get that choice” Cullen said, truth in his bluntness.

“Yes, that” Cole interrupted, “Chancellor Roderick can help, he wants to say it before he dies,”

Evelyn found herself shocked by the boys words; the more he spoke the more it unnerved her. He looked so innocent, spoke so softly yet his words were full of such dark truths; like he could hear them at their source.

“There is a path-” Chancellor Roderick coughed as he wheezed in a breath, “You wouldn't know it unless you've made the summer pilgrimage like I have- the people can escape” he struggled, “ _She_ must have shown me, Andraste must have shown me. So I could tell _you_..”

“What are you on about Roderick?” Cullen pushed him for answers.

“It was whim that I stumbled upon that path, it’s overgrown now... with so many in the conclave dead, to be the only one that remembers- If this simple memory can save us, this could be more than a mere accident..” Chancellor Roderick looked to Evelyn “ _You_ could be more”

Evelyn's heart faltered in her chest at Chancellor Roderick words, the weight of it all too much to comprehend in the moment. But he’d given them a chance, at least for people to survive. 

“What about it Cullen? Will it work?” Evelyn turned to Cullen quickly, he had to have a plan.

_Something, Anything._

“Possibly, if he shows us the path, but what of your escape?” Cullen searched her eyes from across the room, as him and Cole helped Chancellor Roderick back to his feet “Perhaps you will surprise it, find a way?”

She didn’t reply, she couldn’t promise him that. She wanted to; the thought of walking away from this man too much for her to bare in this situation. She’d couldn’t believe this was happening all over again.

“Herald, if you are meant for this, if the Inquisition is meant for this, I pray for you” Chancellor Roderick said to her.

“Everyone else follow Chancellor Roderick, through the Chantry” Cullen eased the Chancellor onto the arms of another of his men.Cole still at Roderick side as the people followed them through the building.

“Move! And you there, grab a squad of our best to assist The Herald” Cullen called after them.

She watched him carefully, noticing his attention was still locked on the people who were now moving further down the hall.. Was he waiting? she wondered. She followed the line of his jaw, the stubble that graced his skin, trailing down his strong neck, lines of tendons raising skin due the strain of his attention. Wondering it would feel like to press her lips there. Her sense of control over herself fleeting. Would this be their final moment together? 

He turned back to her, catching her; a thick bottom lip sucked between her teeth. She finally dragged her eyes to his, giving him a smile. He cleared his throat as he balanced restlessly on his feet; hand tight on the hilt of his sword.The tension thick between them.

“I’ll ah, I’ll have some of my men help load the trebuchet with you, we’ll send a signal as soon as we’re above the treeline..” his voice grew soft. “If you see an opening, anything please- I, uh, I mean we will wait for you”

“I’ll try” She managed, unable to offer him anymore in the scared her voice would betray her.

“It’s all I can ask of you” he smiled lightly at her, offering her a glimmer of hope.

She huffed out loud between him, trying her best to hold back the lump in her throat at the sentiment in his words. Avoiding his eyes, not wanting to see the reality of this situation. 

“Evelyn, I-” he took a step forward.

“Commander!” one of Cullen’s men approached them, a group behind him.

“Makers breath” Cullen muttered, his voice a low rumble.

His men readied themselves at the doors; she twisted her staff in her hand anxiously and took a deep breath trying to steady herself. She allowed herself one last glance a Cullen as he spoke to his troops; ordering them, his hands gesturing tactics. Her heart contorting in her chest as she struggled to watch history repeat itself in some cruel way in front of her.

“Herald, If we are, if **you** are to stand a chance, let that thing hear you” Cullen said; she knew he’d wanted to say more but with his men at his side, it was all he could offer her before opening the doors into chaos.

She gave him one last sharp nod before walking out the door, not wanting to look back as his men followed her into the hellscape that Haven had become. Her eyes fixed ahead. Terrified that if she looked back she would run to his arms and beg him to let her stay. Ask him to spend his last few moments left on this world together; she’d done this before. She had walked away from Demarcus as the Circle burned around them, she could walk away from Cullen. 

Though this time, the sharp ache beating in her chest seemed all the more painful. Her mark happily thumping along to the unbearable song that plagued her soul. She cast a barrier at her feet and primed a glyph near one of the staircases as her and Cullen’s men cleared their way towards the last standing trebuchet.

Each step, each attack, every last breath ringing to the deafening beat within.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this felt super long... I was gunna do two parts for this but, meh. I think It works, Hopefully? this was super intimidating to write for me so I'm praying that it has. Thank you for reading :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

Corypheus’ eyes tore a hole straight into her as she booted the mechanism. The crack of the trebuchet cutting through her; launching their last chance of salvation into the snow topped mountains of Haven.

She had no control, primal instinct kicking in; hands moving over feet as she struggled to throw herself out of the way, trying to find a way to survive.

The snow caved beneath her as she landed; timber giving way buckling under the force of her impact with bang. 

Evelyn jammed her eyes shut as she fell. 

Giving in, accepting her fate knowing this leap into oblivion would surely be her last. In those brief few seconds she spent in free fall she was unsure where to laugh or cry at the depravity of it all. Losing her home for the second time; strangers, friends, family; burning crying out to her for help as everything collapsed around them. Leaving him. Hollow in the knowledge that she was their only chance at redemption. 

_Chaos had erupted the morning after Lydia had given Evelyn her task; letters sealed tight in her pocket she’d ran. Through door after door, down corridor after corridor, trying to find some sense of order. Crying, Screaming, Shouting everywhere she turned. Templars cornering mages; men, women and children pleading on their knees while others tried to fight. Regardless of their actions, their fate was sealed, the Right of Annulment had been passed._

_She just bolted as fast as she could, knowing if she could find Lydia or even Demarcus. This insanity could end. There had to be some sort of mistake. But still she ran, pandemonium everywhere at every turn; leading her further and further away from Lydia’s office, further away from any sense of reason._

_Evelyn stopped; chest heaving for breath, trying to find her bearings._

_“Evelyn!?”_

_She turned quickly on her heels to face Demarcus, his blood stained sword drawn at his side._

_“Ser, What is happening!? Where is The Grand Enchanter?”_

_“She’s dead Evelyn, a first year broke into her office this morning, there was a struggle and.. The Knight-Captain found her”_

_“Lydia? She, no, it can’t...” Evelyn shook her head, all hope dissolving within her in that moment, trying to process the whole of it._

_“I seen her with my own eyes” he said as squared his shoulders in front of her._

_“What about the Conclave? This doesn’t have to happen, please The Right can’t be the answer?!” She ranted, begging him to see sense._

_“Those are my orders Evelyn, Not **my** answer” Demarcus took a step forward, his sword still dawn._

_“No” she pleaded, body trembling, stomach churning with dread as he closed the gap between them ._

_“Here” he paused to sheath his blade, with a sharp snap._

_Then held out a thickly armored hand to her; she held out a shaky palm. A heavy metal key dropped into her grip, her eyes darted towards him. Her heart raced as she realized how close he was, his intense eyes fixed on her._

_“What’s this?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady._

_“A key to the side gate, the one we would have used to go to the Conclave” he said, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “We stowed the horses there last night, ready for today. Packed with; rations, gold, equipment you have enough to-”_

_A crash emanated from the corridor Evelyn had just bolted through. Both their heads turned to the noise. Another clang, followed by heated voices, intensifying._

_“Go” he turned to her, his crystal blue eyes searching hers._

_“What?!” she took a step back, not knowing if she’d heard him correctly._

_Another violent thud rang out around them; this time louder, the voices getting closer._

_“Please, run, Evelyn” he begged._

_She took one last look at the man, searching his eyes just as he'd searched hers; trying to find the truth behind them. A small masochistic part of her wishing she could stay; though knowing that it wasn’t possible._

_“Now!” he shouted, all sense of tenderness gone from his voice._

_She ran towards the door at his command; hoping he might follow her, knowing he wouldn't. The shouting morphing into screaming behind her as she threw the door open, leading her to only chance at survival.Their only chance at hope. A hope that the rest of Thedus would know of what happened here. Her chest stabbing at every breath, her mind screaming, crying out at the injustice, trying to understand. All their pain and suffering echoing through her as she ran, feet blindly carting her forward._

__

____

_As her home fell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short, but it helps me lead into the next chapter, I've been wavering on how to explain this part of her back story. But here, take it :D Also, thank you for the lovely comments on the last chapter. I promise not to doubt myself when writing all this fluffy angsty nonsense :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Cullen stood watch, shivering in damp boots a distance from their latest make-shift camp huddled deep in some dark snow filled valley within the Frostbacks. Maker only knows where. He’d lost track of how long he’d been staring, knees locked, into this oblivion. Head thumping as this toes throbbed with the cold. The soft fur of his mantle now matted with snow; no longer offering any warmth or comfort. Silently pleading to the Maker to her back to him. Cursing himself from leaving her side. He should never had released his grip on her.

Frozen still, he waited. 

They had managed to escape. A whisper of the force they once were but people had survived. They had a chance. And Evelyn had given them that. Cassandra had insisted he slept as they’d had made camp that night. The deep set circles burning eyes under his eyes; built up over the weeks of sleepless nights. But Cullen was adamant in standing watch. Cassandra had given in; not willing to get into yet another argument about this impossible situation they’d been thrown into. 

But he couldn’t think about sleep, not now.

Not when the nightmares that he spent so many nights slumped across his desk trying to avoid formed into their current reality. The process of his withdrawal making the weight of their situation all the move disturbingly vivid. People shireking as their homes crumbed around them. He could still hear the whispers those cries on the wind, hammering of blades, taste fear thick and heavy in the air, brothers falling around him, trying to help only for his hands desperately grasping at nothing. 

His chest contoried at the thought of her drowning apex of it all. He tried to convince himself that The Maker couldn’t be so cruel. To send Evelyn to him, just to rip her back. 

So he waited; refusing to believe such a tragedy.

“You will catch your death out here, Commander!” Solas joined Cullens side, his voice raised over the wind that whipped around the valley.

“I will not leave this voided place until I find her” He kept his eyes fixed ahead, terrified to look away.

“Surely, though you can see that you would be completely useless to her frozen through?” 

Cullen ignored him, keeping his eyes set into the thick white squall. Certain if he stayed a second longer then she would materialize from the storm, just like she had from the Fade.

“Come, there is a fire nearby” Solas insisted, his head dipping as he held out a graceful arm towards the nearby lightsource, “You can still keep watch from there”

He hadn’t experienced this side to Solas but he knew from Evelyn’s previous complaints; he could be rather persistent. So Cullen gave in, not having the energy to argue with him. Struggling to lift his buried feet from the spot he’d rooted himself in.

He waded back to the lookout post that sat away from the main body of the survivors. A few of his men huddled around the fire in the middle; begging for warmth. Solas left his side with a simple nod. Cullen had thought to offer him one back; too numb know if he’d actually managed to.

He sat down on a damp log, back staring in the same direction; suddenly feeling like he wasn’t doing as much as he should. His heart sank at the thought of her freezing due to this tempest that battled around them. What if she’d found her way back to him? What if he didn’t see her. And If he has just stood a little closer. Then maybe, he would- 

Cullen jolted.

A whisper as someone brushed past his arm, startled he turned to face Cole; who sat precariously on the edge of the seat, body rocking back and forth softly, a large hat covering most of his face.

“...No ones looking” Cole spoke through a childlike whisper. 

“The storms too rough, we can’t justify…” Cullen said; repeating the same advice given to him. Still surprised to find himself agreeing with the boy. He’d already had this exact argument with the Leliana as they’d set camp that night.

“So cold, fingers burning...” He spoke; louder this time. “Why would they?”

“Cole, we have to wait until the storm passes. I h-have no other option” Cullens voice wavered; admitting the disabling truth of his situation. That he couldn’t leave this camp and risk his life in this storm to search for her; neither could he ask anyone else. 

Cullen studied the boy perched next to him; tattered rags of thin clothing soaked through to his skin, staring off into the storm as Cullen just had. He wondered who this boy- or more what he was. Though wary of him Cullen understood that in some small way he’d helped them back at Haven.

“I had to help, we need to help..help” Cole rambled; startling Cullen in his tone. “Hurt burning, searing into you...like her fingertips”

“What?!” Cullen spluttered.

“She doesn’t think anyone will find her, she doesn’t think you’re looking. _Why would they?_ But I can hear you screaming too, louder than anyone else, deafening; downing out the old hum-”

“Where?” Cullen shocked at the boys cryptic words; bolted to his feet; heart in his throat. 

_It couldn’t be.._

“Frightened and cold and alone, struggling uphill knees buckle, bones cracking on stone, freezing hands black and wet and slick with soot, she knows you were there, she can feel it, she feels you, scared she’ll never find home” Cole stumbled on. 

Cullen in awe at the information that came from this _things_ mouth didn’t even reply. He simply turned and stalked out of the camp; his men calling after him unable to leave their posts by the fire.

“Tell Cassandra we can find her! The Herald! She’s at the last camp!” He bellowed behind him before the storm engulfed him fully; unwilling to risk what precious time Evelyn possibly had left. 

Cullen dragged his burning legs up hill through the deep snow. Towards where they stopped just hours prior to rest before they found a place to camp; settling on the valley below. With each step his calves and thighs roared; begging for mercy. He would offer none until she was in his arms. Each laborious step fueled by the hope of his prayers being answered.

He stumbled, tripping over hidden rocks, as he charged up the steep ridge. Frustrated at his pace as the weight of the snow around his legs held him back. He waded further and further into the icy storm. He could barely make out the landmarks around him; the cliff edge, a tree… anything. He just kept hoping that if he kept climbing. He would find her. 

The ground finally started to level under his feet. He fought against the wind, his cloak whipping around him violently, the storm worsening. The basin their camp set in offered some shelter from this assault. The change in weather assured him he was at least making progress. 

He stumbled forward, feel slipping, hoping his men had told the others. That they had more sense than him. He had no potions, he was no mage, he had nothing to offer but his sodden cloak; though he would deliver their Herald back to them. He would carry her home.

Almost like the stories they’d told of her at the Temple, she appeared. A faint flicker of light in the thick of the storm. He found her. He tried to call her name, but a tortuous roar escaped from his lungs as he launched towards the lifeless soul, curled in the snow. A tiny flame burned dimly in her palm; cupped like a babe to her chest for warmth.

He dropped to his knees, frantically pulling her into his arms. He’d dreamed of holding her, late at night when he tried his best to starve off sleep. Never had he imagined her like this; so cold, with limp limbs and blue lips. He pulled her to his chest. His hands shakily brushing her wet curls from her face; muddied, bloodied, battle torn.

Finding her arm, he carefully pulled her flaming hand to his own; pulling within to mustering what power he had left to dispel the magic. Within a breath it was gone, leaving nothing but it’s heat remaining in the leather of his glove. Pulling her tighter to his chest, her bow softly knocking into his breastplate, he stood. He feebly wrapped the extra material of his damp cloak around her; hoping that it would offer comfort to her shivering form. Fighting with his weary muscles as he struggled back through the path he’d craved to her.

“COMMANDER!” 

“CULLEN?!”

Cullen could hear the faint shouts of Cassandra and others in the distance. He stumbled forward, every step he took tightening his grip around Evelyn in his arms. Terrified that this was all part of some twisted delusion from this voided withdrawal process. The weight of her in his grasp soothing him back into reality, settling him firmly back into his skin again. 

“Over there!” 

Cullen could make out a small band bounding towards him. He pulled her tighter to him, instinct, not willing to let go, not yet. He quickly flexed his grip under Evelyn’s thigh, softening it. Unaware as to how hard he’d been holding onto her.

“Maker’s Mercy! She’s alive!” Cassandra huffed as she waded through the snow to them. 

She kept pace at his side as they descended the verge, her eyes not moving from the woman that lay huddled in his arms. They joined the rest of the group that had followed Cassandra.

“We must get back to camp, get her out those clothes and into the warmth!” Cassandra shouted.

  


Cullen carried Evelyn back to camp, Cassandra following behind. He battled straight through the crowd that had gathered; whispering the chant, praising the Maker reverently for returning her to them. His arms burning as he pushed his way past the healers and into the tent that had been hastily prepared for her. He had hesitated as he eased her into her bed; not ready to let go of her yet. Though Cassandra had sent him a look, telling that this wasn’t the time. 

“You have to go” Cassandra said flatly as she quickly began to remove Evelyn’s boots; fingers moving at a blinding speed.

“But-” Cullen’s cheeks flushed, interrupted as a flurry of healers barged their way into the tent.

“Cullen, _please_ find some rest,” the strain audible in her voice as she threw one wet boot to the side of her.

Cullen took one last look at Evelyn; the light only making her look more fragile. Cassandra and various healers muddled over her, peeling layers of frozen clothing away, tinkling of elixirs in their pouches, muttering between them.

“Now” Casandra insisted.

At that, Cullen left; heavy material of the door swishing behind him. He tried to not make eye contact with the crowd outside. Quickly making his way back to his own tent. Empty at the thought of leaving her behind, wishing he could be at her side, to help breath life back into her. 

Instead, he ducked into his cramped tent, unwilling to remove his armor he propped himself up awkwardly on the bedroll using his damp cloak as a pillow. He lay uncomfortably in the dark, eyes wide open. He doubted he find rest but was relieved to find the pain of his wrought muscles dampen.

Jamming his blood shot eyes shut, hoping for sleep to take him. Trying his best to ignore the merging memories of past and present horrific flashing behind his tightly closed lids. Taking deep breaths; lingering somewhere between their camp and the Fade. Battling with himself.

  


Cullen darted upright, unsettled by his dreamless sleep. Shocked that he’d even found a tiny moment rest. He rushed to his feet, calves still burning from his earlier exertion. He noted it was still dark outside. He couldn’t have been out for long, but maybe she was awake? He grabbed his cloak that had been his pillow moments earlier from his bedrolls and made his way into camp.

“Cullen?” Josephine noticed him, she dipped her head out of the tent that the Council had set for their meetings. “Just the man we wanted to see” 

“Certainly” he nodded. 

Crates of scrolls and maps and records that Josephine had salvaged from Haven piled around them. Their maps and haphazardly pinned to a few barrels in the center; he ran his fingers over the tear in the parchment remembering how he ripped it from the war table as they’d fled.

“The Herald lives” Leliana brightly; her eyes not moving from the piles of paper in front of her, “Thank you for bringing her back to us”

“She’s awake?” Cullen asked quickly, ignoring their misplaced praise that belonged to Cole.

“Yes, Mother Gissel is watching over her while Cassandra rests” Leliana said, “Sadly, Chancellor Roderick and two other of our wounded passed in the early hours, Mother Gissel and I have already discussed holding a small ceremony for them before we leave in the morning”

“The people need to see that we still honor our traditions” Josephine agreed “Leliana managed to narrow down a few locations as to where we could be”

“Leave?! In the morning?” Cullen repeated; ignoring Josephine completely.

“Yes” Leliana finally looked up from her papers; narrowing her eyes curiously.

“Evelyn’s not even warm yet! And you, **you** want to move camp? What happened to waiting out the storm?” He asked trying to keep his voice steady as repeated the exact phrase she’d chosen in their last argument.

“Cullen! We must keep moving, we are nothing but a target if we stay here!” Leliana said firmly, shocked at his tone. 

“He has a point, Leliana maybe we should wait for The Herald?”

“Josie!” Leliana snapped, “We agreed-”

“Wait- for her?! For what exactly!? She needs rest!” Cullen shouted over the pairs own argument; “If we can’t see where in the fuck we are then how exactly will our enemy?!”

“Well, Commander” She spat, “If you took a moment to listen to me-”

“ **I** should listen?! To you?! After you were the one to suggest not looking for her?!” he howled; the last thing he wanted to do was listen; his head pounding as his heart galloped in his chest.

“You dare say I am anything other than loyal to the Inquisition, to Evelyn?!” Leliana hissed as she approached him.

“Please Cullen, you know that’s-” Josephine begged the two; desperately between the pair trying to diffuse the situation.

“We’ll speak when Evelyn is able, we will not lose her again” he said stiffly; ignoring their complaints he vacated their tent.

Storming through camp. He quickly found Evelyn’s tent, surprised to see the heavy canvas doors drawn back. His heart sank into his gut at the sight of her empty bed; blankets and furs balled on the camp bed. She was gone. While Mother Gissel sat cradled inside offering him a warm smile.

“She’s with the elf” The Mother answered his unspoken question, “See…” pointing a finger out to two dimmly light figures bathed in blue light at the edge of camp. “I think they’re on their way back, she knows she is to rest.. If you want you can watch over her? I have preparations to make for the morning”

“Of course, Mother Gissel” He bowed his head lightly, as she passed him. 

Cullen looked back to where she had pointed to, the light gone, the two figures not far now. Nervously; he grabbed a blanket from inside. He hurriedly made his way to the pair; the fur warming his cold hands. 

“Commander Cullen? I was just leaving, It has been a long day for everyone” Solas bowed his head lightly, “Goodbye Evelyn”

Evelyn smiled as Solas left, almost as if she was in a daze. Cullen knitted his brows, offended that she hadn’t bothered to acknowledge him yet, instead she stared after this elf. Disappointed at the thought of her spending her first few moments awake, with Solas… not him. 

“Evelyn?” He said softly.

She whipped round to him. White blonde locks usually tied back in pleats now curled wildly down her shoulders. That soft smile on her pink lips; one Cullen hadn’t expected to see so soon.

“You came” she cooed, her voice a soft lull in his ears,

“Are you okay? Here. I-uh brought you blanket?” he unfolded the fur in his hand, offering. 

“Thank you” she took a step closer to him.

Cullen wrapped the heavy blanket around her shoulders, she sighed, her fingers knitting into the dark far, pulling it tight, as it enveloped her. He smoothed his hands against her shoulders, unable to stop himself. Wishing there wasn’t layers of leather and fur between. 

“You should be sleeping, why are you wandering about?” he studied her.

“Cullen, follow me?” Evelyn nudged into his side as she began to walk back. 

Her boldness startling him as he blindly followed behind her; dipping inside her tent. He untied the flaps of the doorway as he went; feeling out of place as soon as they closed. Alone in the dimly lit shelter.

“Cullen, you wouldn’t believe it, Solas told me of a place, somewhere we can find shelter, we can take everyone there. A safe haven in the mountains called Skyhold” Evelyn sat on her bed pulling the warmth of the blanket, that he’d wrapped around her, over her head like a hood; nothing but her little head and huge grin sticking out in the middle of all that fur. “But if there's a chance, we can find a home for these people, can you imagine?”

“Solas, how could he know of such a place?” Cullen narrowed his gaze, taking a seat on the stool next to her.

“In the Fade, I think, But If we can work out where in Andraste’s name we are. We could maybe have a chance, we could make our way there, try and rebuild-” Evelyn shifted on her bed; kicking crumpled covers and blankets from under her, “What do you think?”

“Lie down” Cullen smiled faintly at her.

Leaning from his chair to pull one of the tangled blankets from under her. She laughed lightly as she moved her legs, shifting back. He pulled another, watching her settle down on the camp bed. 

“I think you need to get some more rest, if this is your plan” Cullen he tucked the blanket they’d just wrestled with around her.

“Is my plan that awful?” She asked softly; sounding hurt.

“No, no your plan is fine. It’s just- I, Maker’s Breath, you stayed behind, you didn’t have to- ” Cullen sighed, he removed his glove. Placing his hand on top of hers reassuringly “And now you’re already worrying about everyone else, you need to rest. I will speak with Leliana, please”

“I heard you arguing with them, that’s why I went to see Solas. I couldn’t bare it. I don’t like hearing you like that, I’m okay”

“Evelyn, ..” he whispered, guilt washing over him. “How did you escape? The people think the Maker returned you to us”

“I fell down some old cavern under Haven, I thought I was.. I didn’t think I’d ever see you...” she trailed off, shaking her head her voice breaking. “But you brought me home and that’s what matters Cullen, when I thought no one-.”

“I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again, Evelyn you have my word” he said his voice coming out louder than he’d wanted, harsh..over protective. 

He didn’t care, he squeezed her hand.

“Sleep” he hushed her, his cool hand wrapped tight around hers. 

The heat radiating from her worrying him, he pressed his cool flesh closer to her warmth. Relaxing back into his seat watching Evelyn as she eventually closed her eyes, a faint curl to the corner of her lips. 

He stayed watching over Evelyn longer than he should have; she’d been asleep for some time now. Not wanting to leave her, her hand under his, breathing softly at his side, soothing every fiber of him. The added weight of confronting Leliana; apologizing for his hotheadedness and finally hearing out her plan. The radiant women that lay next to him, a mess of blankets and curls tempting him from his task. In the moment, his heart ached knowing the truth of it all he would follow her to every voided corner of Thedus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pheeww, ah this chapter was hard to write so i hope it all turned out. i thought i'd get this out yesterday but i didn't have time to edit it so, here it is. thank you all for all the recent comments/kudos/subs etc, it's super inspiring that you guys are with me. But next, now on to skyhold? maybe ..


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

They had been travelling for what felt like an entity on burning soles. The journey here hadn’t been easy, the storm battling them at every turn, yet the people followed Evelyn through it all; with such blind faith. She should have felt alarmed, previously she would have, but after recent events she forced her mind on the task in front of her; helping build tents for others, crafting draughts for their supplies or making overly stewed tea to heat the people around camp. She moved resilient one foot after the other. Her swift recovery and determination only aiding their belief in her. Her mark still pulsed; though now just a dull hum allowing her some welcome respite.

When the sun set she was glad to spend some time with her companions; their company easing any worries. Varric would share stories; illuminating the camp with laughter. Bull and his men merrily offering what drink they could spare to anyone who would join them. Cullen would always appear around the same hour each night with a bowl of stew for them; sharing the loaf he brought; laughing and swapping stories. Sera often sat protectively at Evelyn’s side until late into the evening; till everyone retired to bed. 

That night they had set up what they hoped to be their last camp before reaching Skyhold. After meeting with her council as normal varying members of her party floated in and out of the firepit that sat near her tent; checking in on her, offering her their council. Cullen faithfully arrived at the usual hour; sun dwindling on the horizon painting their camp in hues of red and gold. 

Evelyn tried her best not to wolf down the bow of ram stew that her friend had given her; body craving sustenance after the days journey. She wiped the gravy from the side of her mouth quickly with her sleeve. Hoping no one had seen her. 

She caught Cullen out the corner of her eye holding back a smile; huddled over his own bowl in front of the fire next to her. The soft light from fire catching the glint of his longer than usual stubble, his usually tame golden curls slicked back halfheartedly; their time on in the Frostbacks showing. 

“What?” she laughed; blushing as she nudged his side lightly; elbow hitting silverite.

“Nothing, just-” he raised his wooden bowl to his mouth, draining its contents, wiping his own mouth. “I’ve never thought I’d ever witness a Lady of your stature enjoy a bowl of humble Ferelden stew, from the Free Marches non the less”

“I told you I wasn’t a Lady” She smiled, gulping down her own, wiping her own mouth again; over-zealously, before balling the material reflectively back into her palm. “Nothing wrong with the Free Marches”

Cullen chuckled from her side.

“You’re certainly are _something_ ” he sighed; shaking his head as their laughter floated in the air. 

“Evelyn?” Leliana’s voice called to her from the open tent across from them;still hung over their makeshift desk, where they’d held their meeting earlier.

Evelyn caught her gaze from across the firepit; wondering what was so important. She stood ripping a large chunk of bread from the loaf that Cullen and her had been sharing; unintentionally grabbing more than she wanted to. Cullen stared up at her wide eyed, almost looking offended. She rolled her eyes shoving the bread in her mouth; trying to chew and not to laugh at the same time.

She quickly jogged over to the councils tent. Evelyn was always surprised as to how much they’d managed to salvage from Haven on the way out, she often wondered if they ever grabbed the other letter that was meant from Lydia; not that it mattered. Her own copy sat tight, though tattered and weather-beaten, in her pocket.

“Leliana?” Evelyn joined her side, looking over her shoulder at the armor schematics that she was still fixed on.

“I must ask” She turned to her, “You insist on holding onto your sleeve like that why? It’s all frayed at the cuff, see? You’re wearing the material down. We must find you gloves if you’re hands are cold, yes? And after you’re fall you have tears” Leliana circled her, eyeing her like prey, “Here, and here, no?”

“It’s the mark, not the cold” she sighed, “It takes my mind off it, well not really, kinda of?” Evelyn rambled honestly; not understanding where she was going with all this or where it came from.

She looked to the sleeve of her jacket warn, creased from her constant pulling, suddenly feeling a little self conscious.

“Luckily for you, I have been drawing up plans for armor, when we reach this Skyhold I will find you something superior, something dark, with rich ruby red and gold to match your hair with this will not do!” Leliana examined Evelyn closely, pinching the breast of her tan overcoat between two slender fingers.”And you wiping gravy on it won’t either”

Evelyn laughed a little at her comment, shaking her head.

“Does it still pain you?” her friend asked; nodding to her hand, sincerity in her tone.

“The closer we get to Skyhold, the less it burns but I don’t know- the lack of tears in the veil certainly helps”

“I have an idea, to stop you for making that jacket any, less… appealing in the mean time” Leliana smiled, her eyes darting behind her for a moment. “This morning while packing the cart, I came across this. Come see” 

Leliana lead her further into the back of the tent, deeper into the stock of their valuables. Leliana opened a barrel from the pile in front of them, rolls of material inside, their backs to the rest of camp.

“Here” She placed a hand on the barrel before turning to her, though her gaze seemed to look behind her. “I have noticed that our Commander has taken quite an interest in you”

“What?! Whatever are you talking about, Leliana we’re friends” Evelyn looked inside the barrel, trying to distract herself from the questioning. “Friends show interest, don’t they?”

“Friends don't stare like that!”

“Leliana!” Evelyn exclaimed, the heat building deep within her at the thought of it.

“Hush now, I think it’s sweet. A man of the Order, a dashing one at that, don't you think? pursuing a Lady of the Circle. I’ve known the Commander for a very long time, through a time most wish to forget, it’s good to see that he has grown” 

“You knew him _then_?” Evelyn asked, shocked, though not surprised that her travels during the Fifth Blight had taken her so far.

Leliana nodded quickly; her eyes flicking back and forth; preoccupied.

“I’m only relieved to see him so...carefree in these dark days”

“Maker preserve me Leliana, I-I won’t talk about this any further…” her cheeks flushed at her advisers observations “You brought me into this tent for a reason, you’d said something about voided material”

“He’s still staring..don’t you feel it? you must?” She whispered at her side; childlike glee in her voice.

“Well… maybe but..” Evelyn’s cheeks flushed as she felt more and more uncomfortable; a step into the unknown, over aware of every movement, heat radiating from her.

“I knew it! All those late nights in each others cabin spent exchanging more than just our reports” Leliana nudged her side playfully.

“How did you,? Do you have your people spy on me?”

“Not just you, nothing personal of course.. Whatever else would me and Josie talk about before you two arrive to our meetings?”

“I don't know, War Council related matters?” Evelyn sighed at the thought of her every movement, past and present, being watched; something she'd lived with before, “I’d would rather you didn’t spy on me”

“No, that is my duty, but here, come, at least take a sample from the roll” Leliana pulled her glistening dagger from her belt and sliced long thin section of material from the roll, “Here, _feel_ ”

“It’s beautiful” Evelyn took the slice of material from her hands, rubbing the familiar smooth red, silk under her fingers. 

_They’d salvaged this?_

“Isn't it? Experience too, a waste to leave it behind after how light my coin purse was after buying it”

“So?” Evelyn looked to her; material in hand wondering what was expected of her.

“So..once we get to Skyhold we will discuss this further, take measurements, samples and the like, in the meantime. Wrap it around the mark, hold onto it, find out how it _feels_ against you” Leliana smiled coyly to her.

“Uh, Okay” Evelyn, nodded her head to Leliana lightly before she left. Not able to help but notice the smiled caked across her face; like the kitten who had gotten the cream.

 

Evelyn left the tent, material in hand, taking her place back next to Cullen. She began to wrap the section of cloth around her marked hand, 

“What’s that?” Cullen asked, as she wove the material round her hand. 

“Material Leliana is trying to dress me up in” she puffed; winding around her thumb, tying the bond around her wrist. 

“Hmm” he breathed, as he eyed her hand. “It’s, uh..nice”

“It looks a lot like yours” she said nervously, 

“I think it might be”

“She said she’d bought it”

“Sounds about right, Leliana insisted on buying me a new set of armor after I handed my own in at Kirkwall… she was rather persistent about tailoring this” He shrugged his shoulders; the fur of his mantle rustling, “for me; much to my protest I may add”

“Oh” Evelyn looked to the material, she’d wrapped tight around her… it was _that_ material, that soft ruby silk that she’d kneaded her hands into, that had soothed her in her darkest days. “You don’t like it?”

“No, well- not to start… I’ve never been a man to own anything as… opulent as this. But Leliana is relentless, and as much as I’m reluctant to admit it” He lowered his voice, his eyes darting to the tent Evelyn had just came out of. “It has kept me warm on those cold mornings with the recruits, don’t tell her that though”

“It does look warm,” she agreed, her eyes following the rich browns and reds of the fur that cradled his strong neck; speckled with thick stubble.

Cullen cleared his throat, his tired eyes leaving hers and settling on to the fire. Evelyn’s cheeks flushed snapping her eyes ahead as he stood up next to her.

“Sera will be here soon,” Cullen looked up towards the rest of the camp, “And, I-uh have to check in with Ser Rylen, see how our men are faring”

“Thank you again, for the food” Evelyn looked up to him, towering over her.

“Don’t mention it” He bowed his head lightly to her, “But next time, I get the bigger piece”

She laughed at his wry smile; pulled tight around his scar, before he turned making his way through camp. Evelyn couldn’t help but stare after him until he was no longer visible through the maze of tents and bodies; his cloak bustling around him, shoulders proud and wide, commanding the space he occupied with such ease 

She pulled loose ends of the silk wrap with her fingertips; tightening its grip, soothing the ache. Reminding her of his cool hand wrapped around hers until fell fast asleep that first night; cooling the fever from her skin. Leliana’s words bearing down on her _hold onto it, find out how it feels against you._

She appreciated the relationships she built with her companions, her council, the people. But their commander was different, it had always been different around him; breath caught in her chest, heart fluttering as he smiled at her. His all tempting her into the comfort of a time long since past.

She’d dreamed of a Templar such as himself holding her gaze for so long, breaking bread with her, laughing at her silly jokes. There were brief moments with Demarcus; a smile here, a look there; that could be taken for something more. But Demarcus had made himself clear to her in her last few days at the Circle, that he wouldn’t betray The Order, that this time they spent together was inappropriate. She’d never asked anything of him; guilty for trying to start a conversation. He’d cut her down and set her free all at once.

Those memories long since gone, the world, the constraints along with it. But still the shameful lesson of all it burned within her. Only making her realize that Cullen was something else entirely. He’d offered her support when she didn’t know who else to turn to. He had fought a storm to find her, sat beside her as she’d slept. The comfort of his friendship left her wondering if it was worth questioning how she _feels_ ; terrified that if she did, it would come crashing down around her once more.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Skyhold must have been sent to them by the Maker himself, or so Cullen thought. This massive fortress was perfectly nestled in the snowy mountains offering a strategic vantage point. There was plenty of room for the pilgrims that flocked from across Thedus seeking refuge or wanting to assist them in the stand against Corypheus. It’s huge stone built walls crafted from across the ages to withstand anything this self appointed ‘Elder God’ could offer. Cullen felt some sort of comfort in knowing that he had a solid foundation in which to build the Inquisition’s forces upon. He made a promise to Evelyn, and he had meant it.

Cullen had noticed that she had settled in quickly, considering her newly appointed role of Inquisitor. Like everything thrust before she seemed to take it in her stride considering her situation. The people who survived the journey to Skyhold had rallied around her; Cullen had noticed amusedly that even Josephine had dropped her facade for a moment, fist reaching to the sky, as the crowds roared around this beacon the darkness. Leliana, Josephine and himself had discussed this matter at great length on their road to Skyhold. The pros and cons of Evelyn holding such a position along with her honored title of Herald of Andraste; the mark she still bore. But they could see no other; a mage that showed such control in a time where magic had ravaged the barrier between their world and the next.

Though, he’d hadn’t seen much of her since they had reached Skyhold; catching a glimpse of her golden hair out the corner of his eye when she was talking to a group of three mages who looked like they’d travel some distance. He tried his best not to get distracted at her darting around the courtyard, seeing to anyone who wanted her time. He worked at his make-shift desk in the busy courtyard; fighting with papers, the wind and recruits. He’d been assisting the set up in those first few days;orchestrating their efforts. Much to his protest Leliana had sent his men to hastily repair one of the towers of on the battlements; to be his new office. 

He knew had gotten too used to Evelyn’s company on the road; their idle chatter as they walked for what seemed like forever through snow and forest. He tried to convince himself that his time spent away from her was for the best. He knew he’d let his emotions, his temper, the lyrium, get the best of him on that first night. The night he’d pulled her from the storm; weak and cold. Evelyn had noticed, by the Maker even Leliana had noticed. 

When Cullen had confronted their Spymaster about her ‘samples’ she’d given to Evelyn she mays as well have of ignored him; giving him nothing but a musical laugh, a shake of her head and a wry smile before she’d left the War Room. Leaving him even more exasperated with the situation than before. He’d thrown himself back into the work that had piled up around him. Trying to busy himself. Starving himself of sleep; unwilling to waste time on it needing to be at his best. The box inside his desk calling to him, louder than ever, reminding him of those lost, those yet to be redeemed.

Light had almost escaped his newly appointed office; though in a state of disrepair it was a vast improvement over his little shack back at Haven. He’d been studying the same report for a while now, hunched over his desk trying to work out his best line of approach in Emprise Du Lion. The recent reports of Red Templar activity in the mines there were alarming. His hope being that somehow he could find a thread of information on Samson in the horror. Though he pushed the idea to the side, aware that Evelyn had a long list of other matters to attend to spanning across half of Ferleden alone, never mind Orlais. 

A knock rattled at the wood of his thick wooden door; metal latches clacking together.

“Come in!” Cullen cried; taking the interruption as in excuse to stand, stretching the tension that had built as he'd worked. 

“I-uh hope I wasn’t interrupting” Evelyn’s asked nervously from the door.

The smell of freshly baked bread floating in the air; rumbling in the pit of his stomach; when was the last time he ate? He watched as she struggled to push the weight of of the heavy door open with one knee as she balanced a tray in her palms. 

“Makers Breath, of course not. Can I help you with anything?” He flinched towards her, wanting to grab the tray from her hands.

“Nope, managed to carry it all this way, thought I'd bring you some dinner.. or really early supper depending on how you look at it,” she brushed past him; clunking the tray down on his desk, dishes wobbling, narrowly avoiding the paper built up on his desk, “Bread and stew, carried it up all those stairs from the tavern may I add, but thanks”

She looked to him, her grin lit up her face, the dull office he’d been cooped up in almost seeming brighter now. 

“No, thank **you** ” He rushed to his desk, moving the papers out the way; piling them neatly away from the hearty meal she’d brought them.

“When I passed you on the way to Blackwall this morning you looked tired, so I thought I’d feed you instead of you feeding me all the time?”

Cullen couldn’t help notice that her cheeks seemed to get redder the longer he stayed silent.

“Feed me?” he repeated, he bit back his smile trying not to laugh at her choice in words.

“You know” she said trying to mask her embarrassment, moving swiftly over to the bookcase in his room, “You take care of the people that take care of you”

“Oh” he dared himself to keep his eyes on her, the weight of her words heavy between them, “I-ah, well, I appreciate the sentiment”

 _I appreciate the sentiment, Maker damn you for a fool Cullen Stanton Rutherford_ he cursed at himself yet again, _Out of all the things to say to the Lady?_

“It’s dark in here, you’ll ruin your eyes working in this light, well.. That’s what Lydia used to tell me anyway” Evelyn hummed as she ran her hand across a candelabra that sat off in the corner of the room, he watched unable to move, as flames engulfed the wicks in an instant. 

The room now bathed in an amber glow. In the new light able to take in her presence fully. Though he could tell Leliana had something to do with it, her clothing hugged her frame; an overcoat fashioned in leather dark as night with red compliments; a scarf around her neck. Matching the red of her left hand; bound tight, scarlet, marked with the same material he fashioned daily. 

“How are you settling in? A step up from our little shacks wouldn’t you say?” she smiled at him, the light from the candles dancing across her milky flesh as she eyed his office. 

“There are still repairs to be made, but they can wait, there are more pressing issues for our men to deal with” He nodded to the food steaming on his desk; eager to tuck in he offered her the seat across from him. “I can manage in the meantime”

“You know we can spare the men, for the amount of time it would take..” she sat down, still gazing around his office “I was thinking of extending the herb garden, I need to gather materials for the pots and such but.. I could try to secure a few quarry when we leave?”

“Leave?” He asked; grabbing a warm bread roll from the tray, trying his best not to sound too disheartened.

“In the morning” she said casually; tucking into the meal in front of her, following him by grabbing some bread, “I had promised Blackwall we’d visit The Fallow Mire back when we were at Haven, we hope to find the treaties for the Grey Wardens he’s located. But now, after the report Leliana gave me this morning, scouts going missing, rifts.. I only wish I could have gotten there sooner”

“We’ve only just arrived” He tried to hide his discontent through a mouthful of stew; hoping it would come across as a passing statement. 

“I know, but like yourself Commander, I have a long list of affairs to attend to” 

“How does your new title feel, I mean, it’s just that we haven’t really had time to speak since you became Inquisitor” he admitted, gulping down a spoonful of the comforting meal.

“Okay? better than I probably should be?” She answered; almost sounding shocked by her reply. “It’s so busy, I just try not to think about it all too much”

“And the mark?” Cullen pushed her, needing to know.

“The same?” She shrugged her shoulders, “After Haven, after Corypheus and the fall.. It changed. Something changed, it doesn’t flare up as much..

“Or maybe you have?” He offered her

She giggled, her song ascending lightly. 

“Maybe” she repeated, “Let’s hope enough to impress Helaine, my trainer”

“Trainer? Ah, I noticed those specialists in the courtyard the other day, is there a problem?” he narrowed his brows at her.

“No, no problem, just a lot of work that’s all. As much as I was always proficient at primal magics; a natural lean towards it Lydia told me. But I pushed myself to study creation; healing, potions, botanics always interested me. All of these specialists offer such extreme methods, as much as I adore Dorian, Necromancy is not for me, Rift Magic seems otherworldly, so I suppose I’ll be wielding a spectral blade if I can locate the materials for it’s hilt”

“Vivaian will be pleased” He smiled to her, over their remains of their meal.

“At least it might win her back, she hasn’t been the same around me since I pardoned Fiona and the mages, she let me borrow her old tome which surprised me.. But By the Maker Cullen the first sword I’d ever held was when the one when you all named me Inquisitor the other day-”

A rattle at the door interrupted them; ripping them back out of the moment. In a flash Evelyn quickly grabbed the last roll from the basket. Cullen’s heart skipped at the twinkle in her eye as she stood.

“I brought extra this time” she neared the door, hand on its handle.

“By ‘extra’ you mean enough that you brought enough that you thought I wouldn’t protest?” he teased, not moving for his desk.

“Exactly” she smiled, “I will see you on our return. _please_ take care of yourself while I’m away”

And with that, she was gone brushing past the scout who devotedly called her title after her as glided across the battlements.. 

“Commander, here are the -”

The scout offered him the sheets of parchment in his hands from across his desk.

“Just put them on my desk and leave” Cullen barked to the scout, leaning back in his chair, doing his best to ignore the scout gingerly balancing more paper on his desk that was already filled; work everywhere, now with a tray and bowls in between the mess.

He sighed, resting his aching head back staring between the rickety floorboards of his bedroom above. The office door clanging as the scout left. He tried to let go of some of the frustration that had built at Evelyn's visit being cut short. He took a deep breath through his nose, then out, air rushing out of his lungs, repeating this process. 

Over and over. In and out. As his whole being rejected the idea of her leaving him again. The last time she’d left he wasn’t sure if she would return to his side. She had, but by the Maker had he prayed; harder and louder than he’d ever before. He tried to reason with himself, his infatuation with his newly appointed Inquisitor was highly inappropriate; as a former Templar already feeling taboo. Regardless of their titles or roles, of their former potions at The Circle.

They'd found solace together away from the calamity, a distraction.

Lost in that moment Cullen found himself wondering curiously if she’d branded her herself with that ragged bit scarlet silk for the same reason. His heart throbbed painfully in his chest at the idea of him being her distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but we needed to flip back to Curly and intro some stuff, been fluffing out my plan for the next chunk of chapters... so excited to be building up to some eventual... loveliness? anyone else thirsty? ;D


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

They spent several weeks under the jet black rain storm that constantly battled the Fallow Mire; filled with animated corpses, Avaar and blood lotus. Cassandra had often found herself devotedly pulling Evelyn out of the swamp as she delved too deep. Evelyn simply caught up in a world of her own, searching for seeds, as corpses meandered their way towards her; disturbed from their resting place. 

Except from Evelyn's wandering, they had been relatively swift in securing the area. Rescued the Inquisition scouts, gathered materials, found the Grey Warden treaties, most importantly they had sealed the gashes in the veil. Though her mark still flared, searing as they fought to close sickly green tares. The previously deafening pain a distant howl on the wind now. Leaving Evelyn relieved but deeply unsettled by the change. Wondering what it meant. 

Was it her? Had she changed? Was Cullen right after all? 

Or was it simply the anchor that indefinitely marked her. Any time her thoughts ran ahead of her. She would reel them back with a soft tug of the silk braided around her hand; a distraction.

 

Evelyn was more than relieved when they returned to Skyhold. The crisp snow and fresh morning air a welcome change from the dark depths of that damned swamp. Any rest that she’d hoped of finding had been quickly dashed off her schedule. She had tried her best to make her way up to her chambers, to witness the inevitable pile of reports and letters were stacked high on her desk. The desk that she’d probably only sat at once since arriving at Skyhold, just to see if the plush leather chair was a comfortable as it looked. 

Regardless of how small she tried to make herself look, she was caught by Commander Helaine. Slinking through the main hall towards her room. Evelyn panicked, feeling severely unprepared. She shouldn’t have as she managed to convince one of her men to craft the hilt in the mire. Nights at camp spent tentatively studying the tome Vivian had gifted her. 

But now, standing in the hall faced with Heliane’s stern face staring back at her expectantly. She yearned for a moment to gather herself before she started any of her training. To change out of her tired armor and sift through the paperwork on her desk. Or maybe just the luxury hot bath. 

Commander Heliane was stiff, unyielding with a flat expression that never seemed to change throughout their session in the training grounds. 

A small crowd had gathered. Evelyn struggled. Often falling short. Not being to replace her trusted barriers before the next attack. Scavenging what mana reserves she had left. In the chaos she whipped her staff. A crack of chain lightning thundering towards Heliane’s feet. Evelyn lunged forward. The golden spectral blade forming in a flash. The hilt heavy as lead in her hands as if back wading through the mire. She attacked. Only for her target to fade step away for her.

Heliane called it at that; the crowd dispersed, disappointed.

Heliane followed her, a step behind, up the large stone staircase the lead towards the main hall

“I have taught you all I can, from here it is on you. You _must_ practice” Heliane called from behind her. 

Evelyn carried on a head. Ignoring the voided woman as she whisked through the doors, limbs aching with each step, pain knotting tightly in her right shoulder from wielding her blade all morning. Disheartened by her performance. Her reputation as a model student feeling like a distant memory. She reminded herself to look in the library in her time off, hoping there was a dusty book hidden somewhere that could help.

“Herald?!” A familiar voice gladly interrupted her from the large fireplace that sat at the entrance of the great hall.

“Varric?” Evelyn quickly made her way over to him, welcoming the excuse to leave her trainer and that session behind her.

“Or is it Inquisitor now? I’m struggling to keep up”

“I’d prefer Evelyn” 

“Hmm” he puffed thoughtfully, “Give me time, I can probably do better than that”

Evelyn smiled weakly to him as she rested her weary bones against the table, silence ticked away around them.

“Before you left, I’d heard you and that council of yours discussing about our next move, the plot you uncovered in Redcliffe against the Orleasian Empress?”

“We came to a standstill, we don’t know what we’re dealing with and I had to go to the Fallow Mire before we could even attempt to figure out an approach”

“I know someone who could help with that”

“Varric! Why didn’t you say sooner?”

“You’ve been playing swords all morning, and since everyone’s acting all inspirational recently...It kinda jogged my memory. So I, uh sent out a message to an old friend… she’s crossed paths with Corypheus before, maybe she knows more about what he’s doing? She could help?” He stumbled nervously.

“We’re always looking for new allies Varric” Evelyn offered him, trying to calm him; not used to hearing him this way.

“Parading around might cause a fuss, it’s best we meet privately, she’s in tavern...trust me, it’s complicated” 

“Now?” she looked to her chamber door that seemed all the further away now, “Do the rest of the Council know?”

“Kind of, but If you have time, _Inquisitor_ ” his voice lingering over her new title with a smile as he held a hand out to the doorway.

Evelyn rolled her eyes at Varric before following him down to the newly named Herald's Rest; her cheeks flushed every time she passed the golden plaque at the doorway. Taking the lunch the tavern offered them; fresh bread, thick soup and a flagon of Ferelden ale. They made their way upstairs reaching the attic. 

A wiry woman sat hunched over a small table in the shadows of the far side of the room. Poker straight brown hair fell down her light tan armor. Though most of her caramel locks were tied back in a small bun away from her face. Two wavy daggers lay tight at her waist; serrated teeth catching what light was in the loft space.

Evelyn’s stopped at the top of the stairs shocked as she realized who Varric had brought her to; carrying her lunch and a flagon of ale she had no interest in drinking. _Cassandra was going to kill him._

Varric carried on up a head right towards The Champion of Kirkwall. 

Within a breath, she rushed towards him on nimble feet; gracefully wrapping him up in a warm embrace. The hushed song of their reunion making Evelyn feel massively out of place. The Champion, with a lean arm still on her friends shoulder, turned to her. tawny eyes scanning over Evelyn rapidly.

“Inquisitor, meet Hawke, The Champion of Kirkwall” Varric beamed.

“Varric” Hawke nudged him playfully, “I don’t use that title anymore”

“Marian, Evelyn Trevelyan our Inquisitor... I figured that you two might have some friendly advice about Corypheus.. you and I did fight him after all” he jibed back at his friend, “I’ll uh, leave you two to it then”

Varric left them with a short nod, taking his flagon with him to the floor below. Evelyn made her way over to the table struggling to find room; empty flagons taking up much of the space. She resorted to juggling the bowl on her lap as she sat, edging her drink precariously onto the surface.

“Nice little tavern you have here, reminds me of my local back in Kirkwall, the place always offered a terrible brew and a dark corner to disappear into, spent a lot more time disappearing than I should have, trying to drown out all of the people” Marian sat across from her, one hand lazily supporting her head; the other on her drink; studying her.

“You’re lucky it was just Kirkwall, I have half of Thedus” Evelyn said meagerly, intimidated by her presence, trying to find ground.

“Don’t think even I could have drank that much but I’m sure you’re doing everything you can to protect them” Hawke assured her; her voice softer now.

“Does it ever get easier?” Evelyn asked, honestly interested to hear from someone who had been in her shoes as she eyed her in between mouthfuls of soup.

“I’ll let you know” Hawke laughed bitterly, downing the rest of her drink; clattering the flagon down on the table, “I don’t envy you...but I may be able to help you,” Hawke looked around the table for a moment, “Andrastes' arse, I should have asked Varric to get me other”

“Here” Evelyn lifted her untouched ale over the sea of empty ones, insisting she take it “Varric had mentioned that you had fought Corypheus before”

“Thanks” she smiled to her, her face suddenly looking younger; softer. “Fought, killed, I gutted that monster with my own hands. The Grey Wardens were holding him, he used his connection to the darkspawn… to influence them; messing with their minds. Turned them against each other somehow, I don’t know how but if the Wardens have been disappearing. They could have fallen under his control again”

“If that’s what’s happened, do you think we can help, can we free them?” Evelyn asked; terrified at the thought of it.

“It’s possible, I have a friend in the Wardens.. Stroud, he was investigating red lyrium me. Last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in their ranks. Since then...” Hawke raised her hands in the air, animating an explosion with her fingers. “Poof, gone, nothing”

“I would say Corypheus and red lyrium counts as corruption in the ranks, where did your friend go?” Evelyn asked; placing this new found lead at the top of her itinerary.

“He mentioned an old smugglers cave near Crestwood, I suggest we look there first” 

“I appreciate the help, but I can take a party there” Evelyn eyed her. She wanted her help yet found herself unbelievably uncomfortable around her.

“I’m doing this as much for myself as for you” Hawke said flatly, taking yet another deep drink, “My responsibility. My burden, I thought I’d killed him once. But this time, I’m going to make sure of it”

“Don’t you have friends and family back in Kirkwall?” Evelyn offered her, hoping the reminder of home would tempt her.

“Since the Wardens have been acting weird, I sent word to my friend Aveline take my sister out of the Free Marches. I’m never really happy leaving Anders alone after...everything, but once I realized what was happening with the Wardens.. I had no choice, I had to do something. I’ve seen the way Corypheus affected Anders’ mind before, If he was involved... I can not risk letting that happen again” Hawke stared off somewhere behind Evelyn.

“And Varric thought I could help?” Evelyn pushed, shocked that she really wanted her help, that she would even come here, that she was desperate enough to leave her love in this war; risking both their lives.

“I think the exact phrase he used in the letter was... _‘she’s a good shot a fixing Blondie's mess’_ , that was enough for me to cross the Waking Sea”

__They shared a smile together from across the dimly lit table, the tension easing slightly._ _

__“What was he like?” Evelyn couldn’t help herself; morbidly curious about the man she’d once condemned to the void,_ _

__“Who Anders? Andraste’s arse, it’s complicated, it’s not like the minstrels make it out to be. Though they sure tell a good story” she shook her head, smiling to herself lazily as she took another drink “He’s not just an monster… or a hero, fuck, maybe he’s both? But he’s still everything to me. He was trying to change the world… and he knew it couldn’t happen peacefully, even I knew that on some level… even though I couldn’t see it at the time. It haunts me, knowing that somehow I could have stopped it, found another way if he only talked to me...”_ _

__“If you had then the Circle’s would never had voted to dissolve, I’d still be stuck; not even knowing how trapped I was… ” Evelyn tried to offer her a shred of reassurance; her heart aching at the thought of this woman’s situation._ _

__“You think?” Marian gave her a struggled look across the table._ _

__“I know” Evelyn assured her._ _

__“I suppose we wouldn’t be having this conversation either” Marian smiled to her softly, “When I got the letter from Varric...after I saw what happened in Kirkwall, Anders, the Templars and Merideth… I had to come” she paused for a moment, taking a drink “I tell you something though, your Commander sure took his time to come round, he eventually saw sense when they declared The Rite...better late than never I suppose” She huffed, “He did let me and Anders leave the city after the battle...it was more than we deserved”_ _

__“He knew you had to make a choice” Evelyn; shocked by her mention of Cullen. She didn’t know any of the details of his time in Kirkwall or Kinlock Hold, he’d told her he’d _rather not speak about it length_ ; and she’d obliged… needing the support he’d offered her. But her mind raced at the thought of him making a choice like that, turning against his orders._ _

__“Someone had to” Hawke grunted, “But, according to Varric… he’s a new man. Still as uptight and grim… some things never change”_ _

__

__Evelyn finished up her food before leaving Hawke upstairs in the tavern. So Hawke could slip out unnoticed through the door that escaped to the battlements. Once she’d caught up with Varric of course. Evelyn felt relieved to have a new lead to follow. But she found herself lingering on Hawke and Anders’ destructive relationship; or what was left of it. _How could she still love him? After everything?__ _

__She informed Josephine in her office of her recent conversation with Hawke; she seemed to suspect as much, waving her quill dismissively. Organizing a meeting for next morning to hammer out the details for their travels to Crestwood. Josephine had politely told Evelyn to take a moment to herself; knowing she hadn’t stopped since she’d returned from the Mire._ _

__Relieved she been excused. She darted into her quarters, hurriedly escaping out her armor and changing into her casual wear. She felt out of place in the grand room,used to spending most of her time on the road. it had changed dramatically since she’d left. Josephine living up to her reputation. She’d once fantasized of having such a room to call her own._ _

__Rich red rugs and tapestries adorned the space. A heavy wooden Orlesian four poster bed draped in soft furs sat proud in the center of the room. The tall Seralt stain glass glass window sent dancing hues of blue and gold around the room. The letter Lydia had sent her sat battered on top on the stone fireplace. She’d made the decision to leave it at Skyhold on hearing about the weather at the mire. Not feeling the need to carry it around anymore, having memorized the words that burned in her pocket for so long._ _

__Evelyn eyes finally found her desk, stacked high with parchment. She took her time organizing through the most of it, discarding some reports she read in the fireplace as she went; keeping some for further investigation. Until she reached one, penned in familiar script from Cullen. Addressing her and the rest of the council. Detailing the reports of Red Templars in the Emprise Du Lion, and his hope that information on Samson’s whereabouts could be found there._ _

__Overcome with the overwhelming urge to visit him, after her recent conversation with Hawke; her mind raced. Wondering how this was affecting him? So many reminders of a time long since past. She was hesitant, still remembering his initial stiff reaction when she had mentioned his time in at the Circle and in Kirkwall. Hawkes words still bouncing around her head making her feel guilty. She could barely offer him a hot meal as a thank you in between her busy schedule, why would he want to talk to her?_ _

__Evelyn sighed as she left her desk. Noticing light begin to fade in her room as evening set in. She wandered down her staircase; hoping the hall would be quieter now. Taking the opportunity to look through the library for some books to help her with her earlier struggles with her specialization; witnessed by half of Skyhold._ _

__She was relieved when she reached the second level of the winding staircase. Ignoring everyone she instantly began scanning worn titles in front of her; not even know what she was looking for. She walked the circular hall hoping that something would out jump out to her._ _

__“You know something, you have remarkably little here on early Tevinter history… all these recent ‘gifts’ to your Inquisition my dear Evelyn and the best they can do is the Malefica Imperio. Trite propaganda!” Dorian smirked from her side, catching her attention “I don’t suppose that’s what you are looking for?”_ _

__“No, I don’t even know what I am looking for...anything? to help me with my specialization?… There’s bound to be some history or..” she turned her attention back to the titles; trying to concentrate._ _

__“Well, over here” Dorian playfully gestured to a stack of books on the floorboards near his haunt. “I counted twenty volumes on whether Divine Galatea took a shit on a Sunday. If you’re looking for combat techniques this is evidently not the place to find it”_ _

__“There has to be something” she didn’t want to give up; even as the man who most likely spent his time reading every book here told her otherwise._ _

__“Come, sit” Dorian patted an engraved, leather stool in front of his high backed chair. Reclining inside his little alcove, “I would have maybe asked Vivian first rather than poking through all these musty pages”_ _

__Reluctantly, Evelyn took a seat on the stool. Stretching out her tight legs in front of her; easing muscles._ _

__“I would have, but she’s not exactly my best friend after Redcliffe… she took a shine to me when I first met her, and I think I subverted those expectations”_ _

__“Ah, I see” Dorian hummed to her from his plush chair. “Maybe you need to put it all into practice, book can teach you many things, experience? Not so much, other peoples experiences? Yes. Your own? No, you need to find that out with the pages”_ _

__“I’ll find something” She mumbled, understanding his advice; just not sure how to put it into practice. Hoping her time in Crestwood would give her time to home her new skills, realizing there was no quick fix to this problem._ _

__“How are you? You were a step in the door and then those blighters stole you for training” Dorian shook his head, tutting._ _

__“My bones ache, but I think we have a new lead…” Evelyn, looked around them; expecting Cassandra to have appeared, though only a few mages mulled around the far side of the tower. “Varric brought Hawke, she has information and… a hefty taste for our taverns ale it seems”_ _

__“The rouge Champion? Long way to travel is it not? Must be very Important business. Cassandra won’t be happy” Dorian rolled the tip of his finely groomed mustache thoughtfully between two long fingers._ _

__“Did you know that her and Anders are still together?” Evelyn ignored Dorian's musings voicing her own out loud._ _

__“I heard the rumors, how scandalous! The bards still have a tale to tell it seems” he quipped, “Though, If we’re speaking about tragic love stories I have another I’d rather discuss…I heard you have a thing for strapping young Templars”_ _

__“What that?” Evelyn tried to play dumb, hoping Josephine had told him of Demarcus._ _

__“Nothing, just another thing on the long list of things I adore about you” he smiled encouragingly to her, “Come on! Do tell, a little bird told me you can split the tensions between you with a knife”_ _

__“There’s nothing to tell” Evelyn said shortly, not happy with the idea of her companions and council discussing her and Cullen's relationship; especially all these ‘little birds’._ _

__“Some people would find it hard to believe a mage would be so taken by a Templar? Usually that’s best kept to those fancy themed brothels, not you two though… though if he’s-”_ _

__“Dorian!” Evelyn cut him off; mortified at the suggestion._ _

__“What? All of this certainly took me by surprise” he leaned forward and offered a reassuring look; letting her know he didn’t mean any harm by his questioning._ _

__“Me too”_ _

__“You don’t deny it then?” he gasped; leaning closer to her; his eyes bright._ _

__“Well, I don't exactly know. The only man I ever was ‘taken’ by left me when I left the Circle. Even at that I mostly just stared awkwardly at him”_ _

__“No wonder you’re struggling. Andrastes’ Arse.. He’s not much better either,” he sighed, “That blighted Circle has you both stumbling in the dark”_ _

__“He’s a friend Dorian, please… I’d rather we didn’t speak of this. I have a meeting with the man in the morning about all this”_ _

__“I’d take the initiative if I was you, bring him some food, surely you’ve not had dinner yet?.. Maybe ask about his day? Bring a nice wine, Offer him a massage”_ _

__“Dorian” she warned, her tone low._ _

__“Sorry, It just gets rather lonely around here when you leave me to stomp around a swamp”_ _

__“Would you rather have came along?”_ _

__“No, no thank you” he said quickly, retracing his steps, ”And uh, If you could excuse me from any further trips to that particular destination as well”_ _

__“Ah-uh” Evelyn smiled to him, enjoying giving him a taste of his own medicine watching him shift uncomfortably as she rose from her seat, “I’ll speak to you later Dorian”_ _

__“Taking my advice I see”_ _

__“No, I’m taking a trip to the kitchen” She gave him a stern sideways glance; trying to warn him not to push his luck.  
Feeling like he could see her stomach doing flips at the thought of seeing Cullen; her body jolting with excitement with each step. She reasoned with herself she could at least bring him food again; as a thank you...again? Maybe even talk about their approach in Emprise Du Lion, that seemed reasonable enough. _ _

__They were friends after all?_ _

__

____

~

She’d left more concerned that the tavern had given her a jug of wine rather than water; she’d wondered if they’d misheard her or if Dorian had said something to the barkeep. Food in hand following the same route she took previously to Cullen’s office. Startled by movement out of the corner of her eye. She jumped; the dishes on her tray rattled together. She spotted a shadow behind the stone wall that encased the stairs; a set of curl-toed, tattered boots peeking out.

She realized who it was instantly.

“It’s dark and cold out here Cole, what are you doing?” Evelyn rushed to Cole’s side, confused as to why he was sitting outside alone at this hour. 

“He threw me out. War and weariness, blood and battle, he wants to forget, but he can’t, a constant reminder, an itch” He curled into himself, shaking violently for a moment.

“Who are you talking about Cole?” Evelyn brows drew together, concerned by the sight of him. She rested her tray down on the steps next to him, kneeling worriedly at his side.

“He won’t let me help, why? His song is so loud, but the music makes him sad, angry. Bitterness, worse when you’re gone. I can’t hear else anyone, I need to help, but he won’t let me”

“Maybe I can help?” Evelyn leaned closer to Cole, “Who is it you want to help?”

“The Commander” Cole said softly, “Still, safe and solid. He feels stronger when you’re around him. It marked him, but it didn’t make him. Like you... but you’re too bright, like counting birds against the sun. The mark makes you more but past it...you reach across mindful, meaning, caring. You pull it through to this side, making it real here”

“I brought food for him, see?” Evelyn nodded to the stew that was steaming in the cool night air, hoping to calm him, hoping that’s what he’d meant, confused by his ramblings, “C’mon, There’s a space in the loft of the tavern, it’s quiet there Cole.. maybe you should go there” Evelyn placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder. “We’ll speak later okay?”

“The tavern, yes, thank you” He stood, making his way over to the building.

She watched him for a moment making sure he went inside. Before she took the steps to Cullen’s office two at a time, trying to balance the food and drink in her hands. Had Hawk being here affected him so deeply? She never understood Cole fully, but his ramblings always felt like an intrusion; too personal, too intimate to be voiced out loud. But from what she could understand her conversation with him left her feeling severely unprepared turning up to Cullen’s office with just a meal to share; the wine feeling like her only saving grace.

She knocked on his side door. Not waiting for a response she walked inside to see Cullen; still strapped into his armor at this late hour. His golden crown of well usually kept curls fell over his glistening brow. Head cradled in his sturdy arms resting on the desk. His eyes boring a hole into the wood as he sat there, motionless.

“It’s me” A quick hush; Evelyn’s heart aching as he didn’t move; his posture almost mimicking Cole's. He was usually on his feet by now, ushering her to her chair, telling her she shouldn’t have, trying to grab the tray from her hands. “I caught Cole on the way here…”

Her heart lurched as he finally moved, a hand wiping across his slick brow; his skin a deathly pale yet his cheeks were flushed. His bloodshot eyes finding her at his side as he unfurled himself.

“Sorry I-uh wasn’t expecting company this late. It’s been a busy day and that strange abomination is the last thing I needed” He eased back against his chair; shifting his shoulders. 

She placed the food down, before taking a seat on the edge of his desk; studying him. She could tell her parting words for him to take care of himself had fallen on deaf ears. His internal battle didn’t go unnoticed. The way it waged war against him tore at her core; the urge to end his plight calling her. 

“Are you okay?” she asked carefully; not wanting for him to feel as though she was forcing him to speak of anything he wished not to. “You know Cole wants to help…”

“Help? Helping would be not materializing in my office after I told him to leave” he sighed, running a weary hand through his hand; taming a few stray locks into submission. “I appreciate the gesture but I’m afraid I won’t be the best of company this evening”

“That’s okay” she blurted out; louder than expected. “I-I mean” stammering, not wanting to intrude, realizing she’d simply busted into his office, “if you want… I can leave”

“No” He flinched forward a little on his chair, before sighing to himself, sinking back again, “That’s not what I meant, I-ah, I didn’t expect to see you until the morning, at the council?”

“I hope to leave in the morning, Josephine said she’d organize the mounts and our supplies in case…” she took a breath; feeling like she was about to curse Andraste in front a holy Mother, “Hawke is coming with us, she insisted”

“I’d read the report late this afternoon..” he said, his expression not changing. “I didn’t think Varric would be so idiotic with Cassandra around, but here we are” his voice was flat, almost monotone, “When Hawke left Kirkwall, I thought I’d seen the last of her..”

“We don’t have to talk about her” Evelyn assured him, dishing out the food at her side, trying to give him another option.

“It’s okay, I can talk about this, not that it’s particularly pleasant” he pushed his bowl to the side, edging forward on his seat; his shoulders more relaxed than before, the lines of his brow softened. “Though I fail to understand why you’d want to her me do so”

“To help?” she said after a moment, sliding herself further onto the wood; her feet dangling “You’ve spend so much time helping me..I feel awful that I’ve never asked”

“Because you don’t need to, Hawke being here doesn’t bother me, It reminds me of a time I rather forget, I’ll admit but there’s so many times my past reflects upon this world. My nightmares aren’t fueled by a boozed-up Champion… though after today.. Cassandra hearing about her; then coming to me about it...I fear I might resort to absconding to such wicked methods”

“The tavern did give us wine instead of water,” She gestured to the flask that still sat on the tray. “So Cass knows?”

“Cass does indeed _know_ , care to join me?” 

“I could” she said awkwardly; she wanted to, especially in light of the fallout she was about to experience from Cass but inexperience made her wary.

“You could, you’re right but will you?” A smiled finally tugged at the side of Cullen's lip, his scar curling, lightening the mood. She found herself smiling stupidly back to him.

“I-It’s just that I don’t drink, I don’t think I’ve ever drank a full glass” she admitted, easing her weight back on her palms, the cool of the wood easing her, “Varric did give me a drink out in the Hinterlands on one of our first expeditions, I think that was just to shut me up though”

“Well” He raised the jug, “how about I pour you a very small glass, and if you don’t want it. You can leave it, I’m not forcing you to do anything you wouldn’t want to, I promise it’s not to keep you quiet though” He choked back a sound Evelyn didn’t recognize. He quickly stood at her side; the tails of his cloak brushing her knee. Tickling her as he filled the mugs; noticing how he poured the same restrained amount in each cup.

“I know” she took the mug from him, fingers brushing, heat jolting through her, “Thank you” she took a drink, sweet yet bitter liquid hitting her tongue. She tried not to seem shocked as she enjoyed the taste; a vast improvement over Ritts’ contraband. Her eyes finding his standing next to her, also mid mouthful, a warm smile reflecting within them. 

“I read the report about Emprise..” Evelyn said. Her heart pounding in her chest at his proximity;She put her glass down next to their food, finding hard to keep his gaze; giving her idle hands something to do. Out the corner of her eye the red flash of his cloak as it whispered close to her.

“I know you have so many other affairs to attend to but I knew Samson, he was dishonorably discharged, for smuggling letters between a mage and his love..” He paused for a moment, her eyes back studying him, “Of course the Order found out. Maddox was turned tranquil for his insubordination, Samson became a beggar to feed his lyrium addiction; like most who fall from the Orders good graces...” he rubbed a tired hand across his jaw, “At the time, Maker forgive me, I thought the ruling was just, for the longest time I believed Meredith to be too” Cullen took a sip from his drink, placing his mug down on his desk with a hollow clunk.

“But you stood up to her, you helped Hawke.. Let her and Anders go?” Evelyn stared at him; unable to take her eyes off him, eager to hear him unload some of this burden he seems so intent on carrying himself.

“I did” he shrugged, “Still, I followed her for longer than I should have.. Late at night, when I can’t sleep… this is what I’m faced with...even when I do... The cries of those I should have saved...What ifs? I should have’s?”

“What matters is now” Evelyn, found herself sliding herself closer to him, her toes almost touching the floor.

“Does it? When I should have, could have done so much more” 

“That’s the past, I didn’t know you during these times. But I like you…” she blushed at her open admission, “I mean that is, you have been a great friend to me, a mage...an apostate” The use of the word friend feeling like a lie, she knew he was more; her heart hammering in her chest.

“Ev” a broken cry; almost a warning. Her stomach jolted at his shortening of her name, his cheeks a little more flushed than earlier as his tawny eyes looked anywhere by her.

She gripped onto the edge of his desk, wanting to comfort him, to banish this torment. She slipped forward on the hardwood under her. Her knee brushing his thigh; leather scraping against leather. 

“You’re not that man anymore” she placed a hand on his arm, “You’re something more...something better” her flesh hitting the cool metal of his pauldron; trying to get his attention, trying to stop herself from burying the heat of her mark against comfort of his frozen armor. But he still wouldn’t look at her; his attention somewhere off towards his bookcase 

“A former Templar who trained my mage army?” she said, her tone lighter, begging him to listen as her hand slipped from him.

At that, he finally looked back to her; doe-eyes, hung heavy with dark circles, a tiny smile hinting at the corner of his lips; he shook his head. Took a step forward, floorboards moaning under his footing. Her neck straining to look up to him, the updraft of his warm scent filling her nose; elderflowers and oakmoss. Her knees almost touching his strong thighs, tails of his cloak brushing against her calves, fighting against the sudden throbbing the urge to open herself to him. His dark eyes holding her. Her chest heaving a whisper from his breastplate. 

She leaned backwards on her palms slightly; hyper aware of how blisteringly close she was to him. Feeling as if she’d stayed there for a second longer, the Maker would strike her down once more. 

Evelyn slipped back on her weight; hands knocking into objects on the desk.

She quickly caught herself as a crash rang out; she turned. The jug of wine gushing a pool dangerously close to a stack of pristine parchment that lay to the side of his desk. Jumping off she quickly grabbed the papers, Cullen pulling an ink rag from the other side of his desk, mopping up the mess.

“I’m sorry” She grabbed another rag from the side of his inkwell, “so so sorry” she repeated, helping him clean. Hands fumbling together.

“No, no...it was my fault,” he assured her, putting the dirty rags on the tray, “I shouldn’t have…” he sighed loudly, sitting back down in his seat, “Shall we eat”

She pulled herself back onto his desk, not wanting to sit so far away this time. When she was here before she felt like the desk was a barrier between them.

“Now tell me, is blood lotus really worth taking an arrow for..because Cassandra certainly doesn’t think so” Cullen grabbed his bowl from his desk, crossing his legs casually as he ate.

“There was black lotus too!” she smiled through a mouthful of stew, watching his amused look as he raised her brows to her. She pulled a leg under herself, settling down, “I make extra healing tonics just in case..”

“Maker’s Breath Ev, we need to sort that garden for you”

~

In the early hours of the next morning Evelyn had dragged herself out of bed, knowing she hadn’t got enough sleep. Still tired from her meal with Cullen that had lasted late into the night; talking for longer than they should after their meal. She sat at her desk in the pale light filtering through some more of the work on her desk, organizing it in hope that when she returned from Crestwood she’d have some sort of order; at least in her workspace.

She still had to pack for her journey that was looking more than likely, though it wouldn’t take long she dreaded it was yet another thing to do along with the war council meeting. At least Cullen would offer her some sort of sanity there; though fleeting. 

Her heart raced at the thought of him. Remembering the heat of him as he’d brushed past her; the pulse in her chest thudded. She imagined his thighs being too close to her, how something primal in her wanted to offer herself to him; how she’d fought with herself not to. She leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes, letting the pulse throb lower. Remembering the way he looked at her, staring deep into her. She allowed her hand drift over her thigh, imagining it was his; clenching at the thought. No one had ever gotten that close to her before. She'd spent more than enough time imagining what it could feel like, there was only so much to do back at the Circle when she couldn't sleep. Her mind, and hands naturally exploring. 

“Evelyn?” a faint voice called from the bottom of the staircase.

“Y-Yes?” Evelyn stammered, opening her eyes and quickly removing her hand from thigh. She straightened herself at her desk

“Sorry for the interruption, I know it’s early..” Leliana eyed her from the top of the staircase; Evelyn’s cheeks growing redder by the second, “but Cassandra and Varric are at each other throat, news travels fast here. I thought you could maybe help me disarm the situation before it escalates”

“Of course” she stood quickly following Leliana. Overly aware of the slick sensation between her thighs as she follower her Spymaster down the stairs.

 

Evelyn and and two thirds of her party stood at the stables, making their last minute preparations to Crestwood. Cassandra had refused to follow them there, telling them she’d meet them at the gates. The tension was still explosive between the pair. Cass hadn’t been happy that Evelyn had taken Varric’s side either. But in the end Evelyn had asked her to come along with her; knowing they all had to sort out their differences sooner rather than later. That in the grand scheme of things; they had more important things to argue over. After a quick discussion in the War Council that morning. They realised through the plot against the Empress was pressing, they had no information; just some prophecy from the future Evelyn had witnessed. So Evelyn followed Marian Hawke blindly. 

“Thanks for sticking up for me earlier, I know you are The Seeker are..close” Varric said as he mounted his horse

“I also have a job to do” Evelyn pulled the last belt of her saddle secure. “And so does Cass, that’s why she’s coming with us -”

“Would you look at that” Hawke interrupted her as she buckled the last strap of her own. 

Nodding behind her with a nudge to Evelyn’s side. Evelyn turned to look. Seeing Cullen on the bridge that spanned the gap between his office and the main body of Skyhold; into a room where Solas had starting painting a mural recently.

“Cullen didn’t even want to be near me due to Anders.. even before he blew up a chantry ‘cos he was a mage. He did his duty when our lines of work crossed, kept his precious ‘Order’. But this morning he stood in the same room as me, agreed with me when I still smelled like the tavern. I mean.. still looks like he’s sniffed a Mabari’s arse most of the time but watching you leave? I think he likes you, if you ask me”

“Nobody did” She raised her brows her; casually waving a hand to Cullen off in the distance.

“Well, I’m telling you” Hawk grinned before mounting her black horse, kicking her boots into it’s side. Leaving Evelyn in the dust as she watched Cullen wave a hand back from his spot near his office.

“She could be right, you know” Varric said from her side, waiting on her.

“This is a long journey Varric, let’s not start it off on a bad note” Evelyn warned him softly as she mounted her own white stallion. “Cassandra is at the gates”

She wanted to believe they were right; even through her protests. Three rouges, three spies, three people that should be concentrating on that task ahead of them instead of her and the Inquisition's Commander. Leliana had even pulled poor Dorian into it all. Maybe Cullen could be more than someone she broke bread with, by the Maker she wanted him to be. She wondered if it was too much, if she was too much. If he would see her as yet another reminder. 

Her magic, her past, even her mark, a brand of a life he seemed desperate to leave behind. 

Terrified to even think too long on this issue; when she had with Demarcus, it’d all crumbled too quickly. Though Cullen didn’t given her much hope of that; rebuilding her confidence. Staring after her as she rode her horse and her party out of the main gates. Then through his window in his office. Not leaving until she was a dot on the horizon; or from what she could make out. Her neck aching by the time they got to the end of the bridge from turning to check every so often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wow, very long so thank you for waiting a week for this. I've also added a 'next update' thing on the front page to keep myself and you guys right. It's kinda an estimate though. Also, I still have to sift through this chapters of errors etc, so forgive me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Waiting made Cullen nervous. 

Electric anticipation reverberating throughout Skyhold as he wore a line into his office’s floorboards. Pacing. It wasn’t just their upcoming battle at Adamant they’d devoutly been preparing for that had Cullen in knots. Evelyn had returned; adding another layer to the already sickening apprehension that surged through him.

She’d been gone for what seemed like an eternity, diligently sending ravens in her absence. Penning whispers of blood magic and corruption within the Warden ranks back to the council. Traveling straight from Crestwood to the Western Approach. Crucial information sealed and sent from her travels with Stroud. Allowing Skyhold to steer their efforts and resources towards reclaiming the fortress from Corypheus’ hold. Most of his men had left with Ser Rylan to prepare for their upcoming siege upon Adamant. Leliana’s scouts had left a week prior to set up forward camps for them. Cullen ready to lead the rest of their assault on her word.

Each night that passed. 

Each night that she was gone. 

Left him more and more uncomfortable in his own skin; shaky hands he balled into painful fists, nausea eating away at his stomach, a constant cold sweat that poured from him. Cole had given him a wide berth after he’d grabbed the boy and removed him from his office before Evelyn left. He still had spotted him on the odd morning, at a distance, as he trained with his men. Especially after those particularly restless nights. 

Those sleepless nights hunched over his desk ensuring their victory; well equipped troops, perfectly calibrated siege equipment, meticulously planned supply routes and camps towards their destination. Still, he felt like it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough. Flashes of Haven; feeling powerless, watching her walk into the abyss. A faint purple stain engraved near his papers as he worked through the night, a constant reminder.

It was hard enough to watch her ride out of Skyhold; watching until she was a pinpoint on the horizon. Never mind the mere thought of assisting her onto yet another battlefield so soon. When he’d heard of her return; it took everything he had left to stop himself bounding down the stone steps, to ask her of her journey to her as she secured her horse. But he’d stayed in his office, hearing from one of his men that they were meet later that night; after she had rested. He was told to be ready to leave the next morning. Which he had prematurely, weeks prior, ready to ride out to the Western Approach at a moment’s notice.

So he paced, waiting.

Up and down; not able to concentrate. 

Thick planks grumbling under his weight.

He knew he’d been stupidly forward in their last encounter. Or just stupid. He wasn’t sure how Evelyn had interpreted his actions. He wasn't sure how to either. In the moment, endless sweet words pouring from her, all he wanted was for her to stop, her hand on his shoulder. He’d warned her, not even managing her full name. Her praise falling on unworthy deaf ears. Not willing to hear it. Not after he’d admitted the shameful time he’d served in Kirkwall. Not from her; who's every breath was once dictated by his former brothers. He couldn’t understand how she could speak such praise to man who still hummed of that former life.

He’d turned to her, losing all sense of restraint, trying to fight back a smile. Amused at her persistent attempts to get him to _listen_ , knowing that he couldn’t. He gave in, standing over her, needing her to stop. Her toned legs almost brushing past his own as she sat on his desk. Catching her eyes; shimmering leaves in the treetops, staring up at him, not moving. The thin curve of her scar pulling his eyes along her cheekbone, down. Towards her full lips. He’d wanted to take her, push everything aside, and give in; allow himself a sinful taste.

But then, she’d slipped, catching herself quickly; sending dishes flying in her wake. 

Thinking back, now he was relieved that temptation had been taken out of his path; his internal daily battle. The constant lust for lyrium was dull ache in comparison to Evelyn perched on his desk that night. A steady control he struggled to maintain on the best of days had wavered in that moment. He found himself wondering how he was supposed to keep control over anything? His flashbacks, his temper, his cravings. If he couldn’t simply contain himself around her. 

His lack of restraint daunting prospect; considering he had a meeting with the council, with Evelyn, that very evening. A jolt rushed through him, ending up somewhere in his stomach; lingering there entangling with the nausea. Cullen dug his nails into his damp shaking fist, stopping dead in his tracks.

He needed to leave his room. 

He need to exert some of this Maker forsaken energy that had built up within him. If he had any hope of holding himself together in the following days. He left, door slamming behind him, quickly marching his way towards Cassandra in the training grounds. Surely, she would be in the mood to hit something too; after being on the road with Varric and Marian for so long. 

 

Cullen had found Cassandra in her usual spot, throwing a calculated swing; with a clack towards the straw filled dummy. She’d chucked him a practice sword, with a sure nod and nothing else. They trained. Side by side. In silence. He wished he’d removed some of his armor for the session, too hot, sweat rushing from his already slick brow. Yet a part of him sadistically enjoyed the discomfort; glad to feel his body craving for something he could give in to for a change. 

The pair let out more and more exhausted grunts, movements slower now; less vicious as the sun drifted lower into the sky. Dusk bathed the already shaded area. Each whack a test of stamina and will. Eventually, the lack of light called them away from their muted battles. Cassandra leading him into the armory; up the staircase with heavy feet. Away from prying eyes with the promise of her spare canteen to quench his thirst

Cullen sat down on a rouge chair as Cassandra dragged a chair over to the table; throwing him the canteen as she joined him. He eagerly unscrewed the cap from the leather pouch; quickly downing the cool water. Cassandra mirroring his actions from across the table.

“How was your journey?” he asked, breaking the silence after they’d gathered themselves.

“We have returned in one piece we shall leave it at that,” she said swiftly, he knew better than to press her on the matter, “One thing I’d like to share though Commander... it seems your friendly interest in our Evelyn has not went unnoticed with those with a _trained_ eye”

“Leliana?” he raised his brow,

“Not just Leliana, Marian spent the majority of our journey teasing Evelyn about the affair… don’t tell Varric, but I’m glad he was there. The Champion is certainly not the woman I had pictured...” Cassandra mused, her gaze distant.

Cullen let out a hum as a response. He known their relationship had been under a microscope since Haven; Evelyn always would be. But he’d hoped for a little more time before he answered these accusations out loud. Time to simply come to terms with the onslaught of emotions that surged through him daily; give some structure to the mess of it all. Cullen wiped the last of the freezing sweat from his forehead.

“Does she know?”

“About what?” Cullen tried to delay her inevitable questioning that he’d sworn her to long ago.

“You know _‘about what?’_ ” her tone reminding her of him mother’s. “The lyrium”

“I feel fine” he grumbled quickly, hoping that would satisfy her. 

“As our Inquisitor, she must know” she stated, “Regardless of how you both _feel_ ”

“Cassandra” he warned, her words sending heat into his cheeks; a shade of guilt and embarrassment. “After Adamant..” he tried to convince himself.

“If you insist” she said sternly, obviously holding herself back. 

After Cullen was sure Cassandra was satisfied that she’d 'checked in' on him. He’d excused himself; noticing the light had slowly faded from the courtyard. Gauging by the suns position that he had enough time to visit the bath house before he had to prepare for the meeting. As he soaked his aching soul. He tried not to imagine what Marian had told Evelyn, His mind racing at the possibilities. If she didn’t understand the man he once was; the man he worked so to hard to distance himself from. 

She most positively understood now. 

This only made the upcoming meeting all the more nerve wracking. He’d struggled against the tension in his hands as he made his way there. Carrying his necessary plans to the meeting trying his best not to bend the parchment under his thick thumbs. The Great Hall was a wash with candlelight; the late hour emptying the room of most it’s regulars. A few people lingered still, scattered in small clustered in warm corners. His feet numb carrying him through the hall that seemed to stretch on forever before him.

Josephine’s desk was vacant. Not surprising. He never had made it to one of these meetings first, not that he’d ever tried. He unlatched the door with a creak. Avoiding a few stray bricks from the dilapidated wall than ran the length of the hallway. He made his way towards the War Room. He’d caught himself holding his breath as he opened the door. 

It all rushed from him in a sigh. 

Only two members of the council stood before him. Not exactly what he’d been building himself for all day. He ran a hand through his hair, nodding his head as he joined them. He placed his papers of the large table; cut from the base of a massive tree, most likely centuries ago. It’s far spanning branches fashioned into a chandelier that hung high above the table; their mages adorned it’s eternity with small controlled warm flickers of light.

“Our Inquisitor is running a little late” Josephine informed him from behind her clipboard. “We are working out some last minute preparations”

“Commander, I’ve heard word that my scouts have met with some of your men. Everything has went as expected…” Leliana said thoughtfully.

“Is there a problem?” Cullen asked, squaring the papers on the table.

“No” she said simply, “If you can move out with the rest of our forces in the morning in small groups, as before, we mustn't gather attention, you will have time to rally our troops...but after speaking to Cassandra though I fear Ev -” Leliana’s head snapped towards the door, hearing the latch as Evelyn stepped through. 

Silk tugging across her ample chest as she closed the door. She wore the same almost flesh coloured nightgown as she had to his cabin that first night. Her skin pure white against the blushing layers tied around her. He felt a soft beat from within at the sight of her.

“Ah, Inquisitor” Josephine smiled to her.

“Sorry, I uh-rushed down here” Evelyn stammered; rosy cheeked with damp messily pleated locks , “lost track of time in the bath” She hurriedly made her way over to Leliana’s side; straightening herself. Cullen kept his eyes somewhere past her right shoulder, averting his eyes as the silk tightened against her body. 

“Are we prepared?” her tone changing; curt, direct. 

“As best as we can, I assure you” Cullen nodded to her; the space between them vast in comparison to their last meeting. Trying to remind her of the oath he’d made to her.

“Is there anything I can help with before we ride out tomorrow?” she voided his gaze still staring into the table, leaning into it, palms flush on the table. 

The material strained against her chest; though most of her flesh was hidden from view; it clung to her. The slow curve of her neckline, gifting him a glance of a small freckle he’d never seen before. Cullen quickly ground his teeth together, closing his dry mouth, aware of his wandering eyes. And the throb beginning to stir deep inside him .

“I have yet to suggest this but…” Leliana paused, turning slightly to Evelyn. Cullen noted the softness in their Spymaster’s face as she looked to her, “You can still make it to the Western Approach if you stay here another night, with the camps we have set, mounts will be ready for you to ride straight there”

“I’m fine” Evelyn huffed, standing now, “I can’t just waste my time here” 

“No but you could finally go to Harrit for some repairs? Maybe visit Dagna? I am tired of telling you about your armor-”

“I have replaced the overcoat!” Evelyn defended herself; almost offended “I would just rather give my resources to our effort”

“And that’s why I am now ordering volcanic aurum from the black market to craft your new set” Leliana raised a brow to her, reminding her. “Stay. Cullen will join Ser Rylen to relay our plans in person and ready our troops for your arrival”

“Fine” she huffed after a moment, looking off to the side, tangling her bound marked hand into the ties of her gown on her waist defiantly; the ends of the worn material hanging from her wrist beginning to fray now.

They worked late into the early hours of the morning, light beginning to illuminate the colossal stained glass windows in the room. Cullen had accepted he wouldn’t be able to get any rest until he’d reached the first forward camp. Disheartened that she wouldn’t be traveling with them. But he had more than understood Leliana’s concern. It was no secret that Evelyn had pushed herself against the better of her health at times. The momentum of the stress working her limits. If it was up to him, he would have her stay at Skyhold indefinitely; but that was no logical choice to present to the council.

She’d slowly gravitated closer to Cullen during the meeting; warming as soon as he’d mentioned his plans. She found her way to his side. Still lingering when the Leliana and Josephine had moved off to their usual spots. He’d happily spread the papers he’d diligently worked on across the table; eager to show her. Going through every possible outcome and solution they could provide; Maker knows he’d thought of it all.

When the meeting finally started to wrap up Josephine and Leliana excused themselves early; knowing that Cullen was best suited to revise their strategy on the battlefield for the last time with Evelyn. Sealing the thick tension in the War Room between the pair.

“Are you sure this will work?” she shifted herself on the vast table next to him; that she’d plonked herself on at some point. 

“If you take your party right to the battlements to clear us a path, Yes, I’m sure of it… I made you a promise” He said, knowing his tone was verging on unprofessional.

Evelyn leaned closer to the papers spread in front of him, studying his concise rendering of troop movements, annotated maps of the stronghold the were planning to break. She pushed a stray curl, that had now dried, naturally bouncing into a loose ringlet behind her ear. Sliding a few his papers around; leaning against the war table, her nightwear shifting against the swell of her breast, pushing the soft mound tight, a whisper of her nipple suffocated under all that material.

Andraste preserve him. She wasn’t wearing a bind.

Cullen shifted on his feet; averting his eyes off to the side, attempting to ease the tightening of his own breaches. Stopping himself from taking advantage of his height as he stood; a primal roar tearing at him to see if there was any other freckles lower on her chest; any more blemishes adoring her body. Remembering what happened the last time she’d sat on a table in front of him.

“It’s a bit of a bottle neck..” she hummed, fingertips skimming across the ink, “Here” she rapped a nail against the map; Cullen’s own notes scrawled across the larger parchment.

“Once the troops moved in behind you, we should be able to push back any rebel forces” he assured her knowingly; this map she was studying was branded into his mind after so many nights preparing. 

“Will you be with me?” she looked to him; eyes soft.

“Will I be..?” he repeated her words back to her, not expecting how vulnerable she sounded. “Of course, I leave in the morning but I will meet you for the assault, you won't be alone Ev” he tried to assure her but he could see her faith wavering; her eyes flickering in the morning light.

“Come on, it’s late…” she finally said, hopping off the table, landing close to him with a soft thud. The sudden rush of her movement causing him to catch a breath of her; sandalwood and...something sweet he couldn’t place, “I don’t suppose you’ll get any rest before you leave?”

“One can hope” he smiled lopsidedly at her, sparing her the details as he started to gather himself.

“Better watch out, Cassandra might turn you over to our Spymaster” she joked halfheartedly, “She did to me” 

She helped him to gather his papers; hands knocking awkwardly together with hushed giggles and apologies. 

“How was the journey?” he asked her as they made their way out of the war room to the Great Hall; completely empty considering the hour. 

“We survived, I had so much time out in the field to home my new skills; that blasted hilt…” she huffed to herself, her mind off elsewhere. Cullen found himself wondering what she would look like holding it, her small frame looking too slight to wield such a weapon “I’m tired of practicing.. I’m learning but too slowly, I’m used to picking up things quicker, with everything I’ve seen in the Approach with the Wardens, I just don’t think I’m ready to do this myself”

His steps grew slower at her side; not willing to leave her as they came to a halt in the grand room; her throne looming tall behind her; making her look all the more fragile. 

“I won’t leave your side” he said swiftly taking a step towards her; trying to dash any fear from her, “That is..uh-” he stumbled, trying to restrain himself as he instinctively rubbed the back of his neck, giving his nervous hands something to do, “At Adamant..I-I mean.. your companions too..”

“Cullen” the way she addressed him shot a bolt right through him, daring him to catch her eyes, “Back in Kirkwall... “ she was so slow with her pronunciation, like she’d practiced this lull a hundred times, “Did you leave anyone _special_ behind?”

“Not in Kirkwall” he said after a moment settling his hand back at his side; unsure if he’d heard her right. Words tight between them, hoping that would satisfy her. 

She smiled softly to him, taking him by surprise as she placed her marked hand on his bracers, smoothing the weight of her palm into him; he was sure he could feel the heat of her through the silverite. 

“Try and sleep, please” she cooed to him “I’ll meet you in the fray Commander” her hand slipping from him as she stepped away.

“Goodnight, or uh-...” he wanted to stop his voided splutter, knowing it was the morning, or at least find something sensible to say to her. Wondering if she’d read through the true intent of his words as she walked to her quarters, “I’ll see you there" he managed.

She reached her door, giving him a shy smile and a shake of her head before she disappeared into the void of her room. He stood there for a moment, a hum of pressure flooding through him, heart thumping. He let out a shaky breath; painfully aware of the ache under his leathers that sustained itself throughout their meeting, his body refusing to listen to his chaste complaints.

He returned to his chamber, bolting the door behind him. He threw himself down onto his chair with a reckless thump, along with his papers on his desk. All the tension that he’d thought he’d exerted during his training session now back coursing through his veins; culminating in a hard throb of his cock. The throb that he’d felt as soon as she’d walked through that door in that nightgown, not as low, no. But it had edged it’s way deep inside, building. 

Maker take him, why did she insist on wearing nightclothes that hugged her body so closely?

Cullen tried to gauge the time from the light that streamed in behind him; reckoning he had enough time to himself. His heart jolted in his chest; feeling like a teenager back at the Chantry, at night when he hurriedly tried to find a moment to release himself. He thought for a second, trying to remember the last time he’d done this; his daily struggle didn’t leave much room for a want of personal gratification. He found himself more interested in Evelyn, when had he ever been so taken by someone?

Pushing his thoughts and his brown leather breaches aside. 

The hard heat of him bouncing free, hitting against the cool of his belt; making him jolt slightly. He threw his gloves towards his desk wanting to remember her, while it was all fresh in his mind, when he could still smell the sweet sandalwood, imagine the heat of her. He angled himself on his chair, situating himself, the lip of gorget uncomfortable against his neck. He didn’t care, not willing to take the time to undress fully. He grabbed his cock; flexing his grip around his girth. Letting out a grunt, as his starved body cried out for more; feeling the moisture that had gathered there.

He looked to the left of his desk, remembering her sitting there, half closing his eyes.

He could have sworn she’d moved her legs; opening them, wider, inviting him in. The heat in her jade eyes as she held his gaze. He he should have just grabbed her there and then for filling him full of such soft words, taken advantage of her sitting right there, offering herself to him so willingly. How he could still remember the stiff peak of her nipples hidden blasphemously under her tight nightwear tonight. He let out a groan, feeling a ripple of pleasure wave through him. Breath quickening, stroking the length of himself. Hips bucking up at the thought of her round breasts, not realizing how substantial they were until tonight. He'd battled with himself not to look. 

Not now though, he let his mind wander, taking control.

Imagining the possibilities.

He steadily stroked his pulsing shaft, keeping pace at the thought of her bare ivory flesh against his, those taught pink nipples dragging against his chest, the weight of her breasts falling somewhere on his thighs. 

His grip tightening the head of his swollen cock as he pictured her hands instead of his own, stroking him, faster. He gnawed into the inside of his lip, furiously working himself to the edge, closer. Towards a release, in a moment where all he needed was her. Craving her, his hips rising to meet her stokes, wanting to feel the heat of her breasts on his legs with her hands wrapped tight around him. 

He felt his thighs tremble at the thought. His buttocks clenching against the leather of the chair. The pent up weight from his heavy balls releasing. His body seized in a roll of pleasure as he spilled himself, fighting to hold back a roar rushing from his panting chest.

He fought to catch his breath, the world around him shimmering, a differently colour now. His head feeling almost clearer; the throb quieter now. He quickly grabbed an old rag from his drawer, cleaning himself before throwing it in his wastebasket. He eased himself back into his chair and into his breaches with a sigh. A lazy smile on his face, eyes still half closed; basking in the afterglow. 

Body still surging.

He lay there, thrumming with the blissful retreat of his release; fueled by thought of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for any errors as I've still to look through this for the second time.
> 
> So I finally changed that rating up to explicate for this bit; Woo! Here’s to many more. Thank you once again for all the wonderful kudos, bookmarks, comments, subs etc; it really means a lot. And I’m sorry this out a little later but it’s worth it, I hope. I’m so excited for what’s to come after Adamant…no spoilers but basically more smut and fluff, but that’s what were all here for right? :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
>  ~  
> 

It hammered under Evelyn’s palm, even back at Skyhold. A flicker of green light sputtering under her pillow. Her restless form writhing around damp sheets as she ached for sleep in the early hours of the morning. Gritting teeth, begging silently for it all to end; the throb in her hand, the throb in her skull. Pulling the wrap of scarlet material around her hand closer, trying to find comfort. The dagger in her overcoat seeming like a better option than whatever corruption was consuming her. Adamant had been a mess. 

A success. But a utter mess in Evelyn’s opinion. 

Memories of the bloodied battle wouldn't leave her, crawling into her mind as she tried to sleep. She’d barely made it. Companions assisting her when they could; a misplaced swing of her blade sending them protectively to her side. Even Cullen had shoved her out the way of falling debris; just as they’d breached the stronghold. Dropping his blade under the rubble to grab her. A frightened look in his eye as he pinned her tight against the walls of the fortress, holding with firm hands for a moment before finally letting her go. 

Worse were the revelations in the Fade. The eerily representation of Divine Justina revealing the tainted origins of the anchor; her voided mark. Thedus’ key to salvation that felt like her own personal damnation. The stories the people had spun around their fabled Herald now making her gut wrench with guilt. The mere threat towards the people had been enough for Evelyn to help in the aftermath of the Conclave, but the people had tangled her story with divine providence. She knew she let them weave this lie, ignoring the consequences. And that was all the more daunting. 

When they’d barely managed to escape the Fade, it one man less than they entered with. Her heart twisted at the thought; burying her head with guilt into her pillow with gritted teeth, body convulsing. Stroud and Marian both offered themselves to the nightmare to allow their escape. And once again, the choice was Evelyn's. They had left Stroud. The stress of such a choice weighing down on her, making her ache. Craving for something to calm these dark nights as she wrestled with her blankets. 

Evelyn dragged herself out of bed; heavy limbs thudding on the cold floor, trying to escape her thoughts scurrying down such dark paths. Wishing it was acceptable to distract herself by visiting Cullen at this hour, to find a little shelter from the aftermath of Adamant. 

They had little time to socialize while they were away, their conversations consisting of the battle and nothing more, a long list of never ending preparations. On their return traveling in separate caravans. Leaving Evelyn to question the whole night before they had even left for Adamant. He must have understood what she meant when she’d asked him if he’d left anyone special behind? 

She thought of a million ways to ask that question in her long travels between The Western Approach and Crestwood. She hoped her vague questioning about Kirkwall would open up a line of dialogue. One where he would explain the thick tension between them, reaffirming her that it wasn’t just all in her mind. Marian's constant chatter about Cullen’s past on the road held bitter offerings of a man that Evelyn no longer recognized; sins he’d since long atoned for. Though he maybe didn’t believe so himself. 

Yet his cryptic answer had let her head spinning; _Not in Kirkwall_. Was she that someone special? She wasn’t in Kirkwall, by the Maker it certainly would be warmer there in the summer... 

She made her way over to the fire. Feeding the dying flames a few logs; that had been drying through the night. Though summer had finally reached Skyhold, as darkness fell the cold from the Frostbacks leeched back any heat baked into the stone. She let out a rough sigh, thinking that her method of coping, or rather not coping with the stress by simply keeping moving, could be flawed.

Not know what else to do. She dragged herself to her desk, lighting a candle in the dawn with the flicker of a hand. An alarming amount of pile of paperwork that had amounted in her absence. Yet she needed to do something, anything to take her mind off the restless storm that she could feel brewing. She kept her head to her desk, trying to lose herself in the parchment not wanted to retread such dark paths.

She set her quill down for a moment, letting out a breath. The warmth of the summer sun finally caressing her as Skyhold began to awake below. She’d managed to sort through some of the disorganized mess though displeased it was not at her usual rate; or maybe there was just more than normal. She had some time before she had to venture from Skyhold again. Planning their upcoming task of visiting The Winter Palace required a more delicate hand, rather than the destructive force they’d unleashed upon the Grey Warden stronghold. There were still so many places she'd yet to visit, that needed their help...

A sharp thud from her chamber door bellow startled Evelyn, jolting to her feet with knots in her stomach. 

“Brought ya breakfast!” Sera sang as she ascended the stairs, “Well, something to start your morning off right!” She stopped, bright eyed near the fireplace; two red apples in hand. One with a bite already from it. "That’s what they say right…” taking another bite, “A- apple ah -ay keeps the healers away?” Sera smiled through a mouthful, “Here” 

She threw the apple casually towards Evelyn. She launched herself forward, almost tripping over her own numb toes. Her fingertips just grasping at the fruit, just managing to catch it. Sera spat out a laugh between a mouthful. 

“You’ve got two dumb feet on ya, good thing you’ve got that whole magic thing going on”

“Thanks” Evelyn said flatly placing the apple on the pile of work before sitting back down; unsure whether she was ready to face the rest of Skyhold so soon; hoping she’d be able to hide for a little longer.

“Woulda helped us a tiny bit back at Adamant tho’?” Sera hovered around her workspace, “Mind you, then your Cully Wully wouldn’t have had an excuse to grab your tits on the battlefield then would he?”

“My-?” Evelyn choked, trying to find a way to steer the conversation back to any sort of sanity, “By the Maker Sera, he pushed me out of the way of debris”

“Stuff the Maker, He broke that big stupid sword at the battle, like crrrack, right in two to get to you, I’ve seen them eyes he makes and you’ve seen how many men he has under him… think he could do with a woman you know, over him. ‘Cos positions”

“Positions...” Evelyn repeated quietly to herself, the thought of him in any such position making her heart race in her chest. 

“You’re not a…” Sera hissed, leaning closer. Evelyn’s eyes widened; cheeks flushed, caught. “Of course you are! That Circle of yours had your legs all locked up!”

“Is it really anyone's business?” Evelyn huffed, avoiding her probing gaze from across the table. 

“Come on” Sera sang softly to her, trying to win her over as she fiddled with the papers Evelyn had been working on “Can’t be all bad we made it back, you came back. Look, all this, It's nothing. Just scary, rubbish demons that are done with. We got out. Mostly. There. Now everything is good, right?”

“Hm” Evelyn managed, pulling fresh report towards her that Sera wasn’t idly playing with.

“No!” Sera squawked, leaning on her desk; papers sliding under her hand as she grabbed the report from her. “Nope, no more of this stupid work crap, you need some you time”

“There’s not much time left Sera” Evelyn reasoned with her solemnly.

“There’s always time, come on!” Sera tilted her head, still not phased by the fact that was sitting on the last several hours of Evelyn’s morning. “Get your clothes on. Eat that apple, I brought you and let’s go have some fun for a change”

 

Evelyn had followed her friends instruction; eating her breakfast hastily as she fought inside her casual wear. She followed Sera around the battlements for some time. Doing her best to keep Sera out of trouble, not in the mood to help her annoying the living daylights out of their battle weary inhabitants. She’d promised her that she would join her in on her exploits another day, just not _today_.

She could see the fatigue written on her forces faces, offering them a knowing smile as she passed. Though she felt as it was fraudulent. These men that fought so valiantly for her, and yet she could not for the will of the Maker find the ability to extend them the same simple courtesy.

“I don’t think it would have mattered what specialization I choose… I just need to get better” Evelyn lamented. Leaning against the thick stone wall; staring up at tower her quarters sat on top of. Wishing she was back up there.

“A’int that teacher of yours still about?” Sera asked, leaning next to her on an bony elbow.

“She is but her methods are a far cry from what I’m use-”

“Shh, Look, down there” Sera hushed her, pointing a finger at the gardens below, “Those two’ve been at it since I came to find ya, eugh, chess… _boring_ ” Evelyn noticed the flash of red silk and a familiar pair of heavy boots from underneath the stone gazebo; stomach back in knots.

“He’s playing chess?” She shouldn't have been surprised.

Sera leaned forward on the wall trying to catch a better glimpse; though their obstructed view told her enough. 

“With Leliana too” she mused, “You should ask ‘um”

“Ask him what?” Evelyn said defensively.

“To help?… with your crappy sword wielding? Look, ya never know. He might teach you a thing or two, seems like a bit of the expert”

“Stop it Sera” Evelyn rattled back with a grin, catching the twinkle in Sera’s eye.

“What?” shooting her a wild grin, “Look he’s down there, I’d say… perfect time to discuss, how he likes to ‘andle his sword?” Sera laughed to herself “Get it? cos, like a sword is a-”

“I’m leaving now Sera” Evelyn warned her, amused but left a little feeling uncomfortable by her comments; mostly in her cheeks.

 

Evelyn slipped down the stone steps and past the chapel. At home in the lush gardens that she wished she could spend more time in. She couldn’t help but notice the cracked ceramic plant pots still abandoned in the left corner. Pots that she had the materials for but never had the time to fix, or even send a report about. Evelyn had grew dramatically from the fragile seeds Lyida had planted back at the Circle. Yet, she yearned to bloom.

“That piece wasn’t there a moment ago!” Cullen said, pointing towards a pawn on the board. Evelyn overheard their conversation as she joined them, it was hard not to.

“Such accusations, Commander” Leliana quipped.

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll win any- Evelyn!” Cullen rushed to his feet.

“If you leave, I will consider it a forfeit” Leliana eyed him from her chair, sending him back into his own with her mild threat.

“I hope you two playing nice?” Evelyn looked between them, wondering if this was really how the pair had spent their whole morning.

“Of course” Leliana touted quickly.

“She’s upset I won our last game” Cullen jibed. Evelyn couldn't help but hear the pride in his voice; happy to hear it so light.

“That was _luck_ , you cannot rely on that” Leliana leaned forward, elbows on her knees with clasped hands.

“I’m not. I have you in three because I’m _good_ at this” Cullen smirked, moving one of his pieces on the board decisive clack. He sat back purposely crossing his arms across his chest, a smug look lingering as he basked in his own little victory.

“Well played, I expect a rematch” Leliana said with a smile, moving to leave the pair with a nod farewell.

“I suppose I should return to my duties as well… unless you would care for a game?” Cullen gestured to the board.

“I don’t know how to play” Evelyn answered honestly taking Leliana’s seat that was still warm. She had never taken the time to learn, not that the Circle didn’t have chess boards. They did. She’d just have rather have spent her free time tending gardens, watching the world grow around her. 

“I can teach you” Cullen offered, “As a child I played this with my sister, Mia..she would get this stuck up grin whenever she won, which was _all_ the time. So my brother and I practiced together for weeks. The look on her face the day I finally won...” he chuckled to himself as he reminisced, the sound sending a smile to Evelyn’s lips in heartbeat. “Between serving the Templars and the Inquisition, I haven’t seen them in years. I wonder if she still plays...”

“You should write to them, If my family..” Evelyn tried not to pry yet the way he spoke of his family brought him such joy. She had never spent much time thinking of her own, not sure if her own even knew she was still alive, or even cared anymore, it had been so long. 

“I should but..” Cullen sighed, shuffling the pieces around on the board. Evelyn quickly noticed his discomfort, having faced this wall before.

“I wanted to ask you if you'd help me with my own strategy on the battlefield” She admitted, her eyes wandering off to the gardens, embarrassed by her admission. “Maker, you seen me out there… I can’t even support my squad when trying to use this blasted blade”

“Me? What about Heliane?” Cullen asked, shocked.

“Heliane’s intimidating” She said finally; not even sure if that was the real answer but Cullen laughed anyway, taking her aback. 

“I fear my men will tell you the same thing about me” his lips pulled tight to one side, he leaned forward in his seat casually, dark eyes scanning her for a moment, “You need to practice your footwork for one, you proved at least that much at Adamant we could maybe start with that?”

“When?” Evelyn asked hastily, lurching at the chance to spend time with him.

“In the morning, you can train with me if you wish. Ser Rylan is now overseeing the training of the main bulk of our troops, unless you’d rather-”

“No” she insisted, “we could spend more time together,” Evelyn smiled. She was just asking him for help, yet it felt like she was asking something more intimate.

“I would like that” his voice low, holding her gaze.

“Me too”

“You said that” he croaked, his deep voice catching in his throat; in awe at their open admission “We should ah-...start our game. Do you still want to learn how?”

“Yes!.. I mean, I can try” She stumbled.

“It’s all I ask of you” He said that smirk of his never truly leaving his face as he placed the last few pieces on the board.

The pair huddled together over the table for the better part of the afternoon. Evelyn enraptured in his lesson, even if it was on a game she should have probably already learned how to play by twenties. But they sat together. Cullen taking his time to explain the rules and methods of play. Enamored watching his hand flutter across the board. His skill for strategy and tactics an open book on the board; that he read soothingly to her. 

“I think this is the longest we’ve went without speaking of the Inquisition..or the Circle” he reflected, moving one of his pieces.

“It that a bad thing?” Evelyn eyed his placement, trying to think a few steps ahead, where she wanted to be, where she thought he wanted to be, where she should be. She moved a piece on the board, hoping it would set her up for a few turns a head.

“No, Of course not, It’s…” he sighed, “It’s nice to find a moment’s peace again” he made his next move, sitting back in his chair confidently, folding his arms, his form seeming all the larger, “I expect a rematch when we have some more time to practice, you certainly have an eye” 

“I look forward to it” Evelyn’s heart thundering in her chest at the idea of spending so much of her time back at Skyhold in the comfort of his presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for this being so late, I've had a stupidly busy week... even though I didn't think It would be. I do feel like this is bit filler but I am currently working the next few chapters that actually build up to ...something? Just one more pov swap ;) So hopefully faster updates. Anyway, thank you again for all the wonderful support, we just hit 1000+ hits, wow, I say it every chapter but I feel I have to.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
>  ~  
> 

Another long night had passed where he’d tossed and turned in his own bed. Why he was even trying to sleep was beyond him, maybe Evelyn’s advice was starting to wear off. Staring blankly up through the hole in his roof with bloodshot eyes; willing the sun as it chased the darkness from the heavens. Anticipation blanketing him uncomfortably; muscles jolting uncontrollably every time he thought of Evelyn and their upcoming training session together. Makers Breath, he had to help her. He couldn't be with her all the time; a part of him obsessively wanting to; holding her safe from a world that seems so intent in swallowing her whole. There had to be something, anything he could teach her. 

He was certainly relieved Evelyn had been the one to ask him for help first, as Leliana had posed the idea to him as they played chess that morning. He’d been unsure how to even suggest such an idea to Evelyn, not wanting to bruise whatever sense of ego she had. He’d listened to her struggled complaints of her recently acquired skills, admiring her honesty. He knew she found pride, comfort even in the devoted student she once was. The tattered letter he’d given her held like a badge of honor.

A sharp pang in his chest, he closed his eyes; unable to fathom even the idea of losing her a third time. Once at Haven and now recently at Adamant; remembering pushing her out the way as they’d breached the stronghold, rubble cascading from the building from the force of their trebuchets. He’d pinned her tight against the wall, one hand firmly following the stiff metallic curve of her armor; around her side of her ribs, a thumb resting under her breast. He’d lost his blade in the process. One of the few belongings the Order had let him leave with; as it was a gift from his Knight-Commander at Kinloch, Ser Greagoir.

Remembering when the gut-wrenching news had reached him on the battlefield. The rubble swallowing her, alone again. His fists flexed instinctively against the cool bed sheets in response. He’d felt so powerless, chest splitting as he fought in the chaos. Believing she was gone once more. Striking furiously; every fiber of his being seething in the debilitating knowledge that he’d planned for everything; infatuated with her safety. And still, he was unable to save her. Not even there to simply try. 

But yet she’d returned to them once more. When all hope had been stripped bare, their Herald, their Inquisitor, his only light in the darkness returned to him.

Though Cullen was left questioning whether he was still fit to command anymore. The mess of the battle making him wonder; If he had been stronger, if he’d been faster, if he’d worked harder. The thirst in his veins crying out to him. Bitter blue, memories of how he could feel; the flawless confidence, the ease of his actions, the strength of his quiet resolve. His heart picked up pace as a sinful voice reminded him of the wooden box in his right hand drawer; downstairs, singing; a lick a taste a hint-

_No._

Cullen bolted out of bed; wiping the sweat from his brow, swallowing dryly trying to force the nausea as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. It was early considering the amount of light in the sky but he would find a way to busy himself in the training grounds before Evelyn arrived; maybe even see Cassandra. So long as he wasn’t sitting here swept up in his own dark thoughts; something he usually knew better than to entertain.

He took his time dressing himself, taking deep breaths as his trembling hands methodically buckled each piece of his dress armor. Focusing on the leather of the straps, the cool of the metal; blocking out the bubbling in his stomach, the tension that had began to build between his temples. The thought of spending so much time with Evelyn in the next coming weeks adding another sickening layer to it all, every movement was fueled by static. His heart soaring in the knowledge that she wanted to spend more of her time with him too. After everything at Adamant, and more importantly her time with Marian hadn’t swayed her. 

_Maker, only knew why._

Finally snatching his blade from the side of his bed; uneasy by the way this new replacement felt strapped to his side. He descended the ladder to his office, the sickness seemed to grow. Reluctantly he grabbed a tonic from his desk, purposely staying away from the top right hand drawer; terrified to even look in it’s direction. Downing the earthy mixture in one swift movement. He was never one to revert to taking these elixirs but today seems like an exception.

A knock at his door rattled him to his senses, taking a deep breath he straightened his shoulders; tense muscles straining painfully under armor. 

“Come in” Glad his voice had retains some sense of calmness.

“Commander, I have several items for you… one which our Spymaster has insisted you make a priority” the young scout said, his hands holding several letters and one larger parcel bound in canvas and twine. Cullen extended his hand, taking the items from the boy.

“Thank you, Scout..?” Cullen looked to him for a name.

“Jim, Ser” he nodded, Cullen eyed him for a moment, wondering if the lad was serious on giving just his first name to a commanding officer.

“Scout _Jim_ , tell our Spymaster I will look at these after I conclude training this morning with our Inquisitor” Cullen threw the documents and the weighted parcel pointedly to his desk; his head snapping back, surprised to hear metal clack rattle off the wood.

“Uh, our men managed to salvage your sword, it’s damaged and well the Spymaster was rather insistent about a certain bind of letters-”

“Scout, as I said I will attend to these later” He repeated to him, “Now if you’ll excuse me”

“Right away, Commander” The lad offered him a quick saute before exiting his office.

Cullen grabbed the bundle of letters from his desk, ignoring the ruins of his old sword for the time being. Tearing away the angry scribbled note from Leliana insisting he deal with them as she felt her and her birds had better uses of their time. He opened the first of the pile, frowning as he noted the familiar script, readying himself for what he was about to subject himself to.

 

  


_**"Dear Mia, I'm still alive. Your loving brother, Cullen"** _

_Honestly, is it so difficult? We thought you were dead.  
Again. _

_If the Inquisition was not on everyone's lips, we would never have heard that their fine commander survived Haven._

_We've been hearing strange things about the Templars lately. I am not sorry you left them. I thought your resignation was implied when you joined the Inquisition, but you meant something more, didn't you? It's a fool's errand asking you to stay safe, but please try._

_Your loving sister,  
(See how easy this is??)_

_Mia  
_

  


 

Cullen shook his head with a fond smile, hearing his older sister voice berating him through the parchment; her frustration clear in her blotched, heavy handed use the quill and ink. Knowing her complaints were undoubtedly deserved. He still settled the piles of letters aside on his desk, not even sure how to respond, reasoning with himself he could find time and words to reply later. 

But he took no time slipping out of his office, running a hand through his hair trying to tame his golden curls as he stalked the battlements. He’d quickly grabbed a few differing sizes and weights of practice swords for Evelyn from the other tower, not sure how far their training would take them this morning. Or even if she’d rather stick to using her own magical one. Ensuring he was prepared.

He made his way out the tavern, with fresh cantine from the kitchens, before striding towards the small clearing they had fenced off for their troops to train at their leisure. It was quiet, as had Skyhold had yet to truly wake from its slumber; heat just starting to lick at the tall outer walls, chasing chilled shadows. Though this morning, him and Evelyn would hold this center stage.

Throwing down their supplies next to the boundary; he was surprised to see Evelyn descending the steps from the great hall when he looked up. Not expecting her to arrive so early. Their eyes holding each other's gaze for a moment, a growing smile on their lips as she quickly closed the gap between them. The light catching her hair; reminding him of the morning she visited him and his troops for the first time. That coy smile he’d grown to love. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, drawing his eyes to the familiar rhythmic sway of her full hips in her dark leathers; perplexed, _was she still in her casual wear?_

“I didn’t think you’d be here this early” He smiled warmly to her through knitted brows; fearing she wasn’t exactly best dressed for the occasion.

“I didn’t expect to see you, I actually thought I could maybe practice a little before you arrived..” she looked to the over to the practice dummies by the armory expectantly.

“Is there a reason you decided to wear your casual wear?” he raised a brow to her.

“Well, you’re not exactly in a full set either are you?” She hit back at him.

“I’m not the one asking for assistance though am I?” his lopsided smirk, holding back a smile.

“I’m so much slower in it though, It feels like I’m wading through honey!” she grumbled softly; jade eyes dragging down at the dirt in defeat for a second.

“We need to work on your physical conditioning then, you’ll need to get used to the weight, it will make you stronger… the set Leliana has been making for you will probably be heavier considering the grade of materials she has chosen..” Maker, he knew the cost of the damn thing, ”For today, we’ll work on footwork nothing too offensive. But tomorrow, I expect you in your armor” he said, trying to sound firm with her; she gave him a soft nod in return. “Okay then, come”

Throughout the session she listened intently, from the first beat taking his advice of using the second heaviest practice sword he’d brought. Though he knew they would eventually use their abilities in combat. Today, they wouldn’t. Starting with finding out what basic skill set she had for swordsmanship. Though her spectral blade and Knight Enchanter abilities were a far cry from what he could teach. He understood much of her movements were based upon wielding a golden one, though rather poorly.

What he noticed the most; her utmost focus placed upon every word flowing from his lips. Though as much as she listened, she couldn’t seem to connect his advice. Simple corrections in her stance; her body bobbing through every movement; feet landing heavily in the dust. He would correct her, restarting their fight. Watching her closely as she looked down at her feet, shifting about, making sure they were in the place he’d told her. The fluidity to her movements that he’d once witness when she’d wielded her staff now gone. 

As the morning passed the more frustrated he watched her grow; plump lips pulled together in a tight thin line as she internalized her struggle. A crowd had gathered around the wooden fence to watch, not that he played them any attention. He wondered if she did, knowing she had something to prove, not just to herself. 

He watched her carefully; never underestimating her, feet never falling into a rhythm. He admired those brief windows where her movements would connect; openly praising her as her body flowed with such pointed grace. Then in a flash, her sweat touched brow furrowing as she struggled with herself, internalizing how she’d placed a single foot wrong. Setting her right back in an awkward, flat footed rhythm once more.

 

She took a smooth step towards him, her wooden practice blade almost connecting with his hip as he stepped back quickly, lowering his blade to parry, only to quickly swipe forward. Sending Evelyn to stumble back heavily on her feet as she tried her best to avoid his advance. Stumbling, eyes scanning the ground for her balance. He tapped her stomach with his blade lightly, holding it there defiantly. Feeling the heavy push of her ragged breath straining her flesh; tight against the blade in quick pulses.

“Eyes up at all times, you need to look at me” he said firmly, lowering his wooden blade, scraping across her shirt; feeling the slow ripple of the material reverberate through the hilt as he disengaged.

“I know… but If I could had fade stepped-” she lowered her own blade with heavy arms, the electricity of the bout still echoing between them.

“I understand the use of magic allows you a certain… leniency in combat, I can see your are skilled... but if you want to use that blade of yours, you’re going to have to practice on that alone. From what I’ve seen your movements are simply not solid enough to carry you,” he lowered his voice, trying to avoid the crowd, “Ev, I don’t want to offend you, but as your Commander I have a duty to-”

“It’s okay” her light tone taking him by surprise, “I have to practice” wholeheartedly agreeing with him.

“You do, but there are moments when you are piecing it together, be proud” he tried to ensure her “You’ll get there, just try not to think about it too much” He offered her a warm lopsided smile; elated when she grinned back to him.

“Are we done..?” she almost sounded a little disappointed, though he thought that was maybe just him projecting.

“For today, I’m sure you have more pressing matters to attend to” Cullen took the practice sword from her, his gloved hand brushing the familiar silk wrapped around her hand. “But we can continue this tomorrow?”

“I look forward to it” she said quietly now, the crowd around them dispersing; though still some lingered watching.

“Of course,” he stated, too direct; too aware of prying eyes.

She sent him one last smile farewell as she left the arena; some of the crowd moving with her. Ducking to grab the canteen of water he’d bought for her as she went. Rushing back the staircase towards the great hall; watching her strained limbs carry her until she vanished through the huge doors. Overly aware he'd been staring after her like a blighted idiot he quickly busied himself. Cheeks burning; gathering the swords, his cloak, real blade; that still felt strange at his side, and much needed refreshments.

  


~

  


Cullen dealt with his usual workload into the later part of the afternoon. As he buried himself in his work he found himself staring at the loosely wrapped bundle on his desk. Time and time again. Finally, giving in and finishing off the report he was working on. He decided to satisfy his curiosity, leaving his office, hopefully making it to the blacksmith before he retired for the night. Curious if he would be able to do anything with the gift that was given to an another lifetime ago. If not, he could at least remove the snagged end; allowing him keep it as a some bitter-sweet memento.

Cullen found Cassandra after the blacksmith had solemnly informed him that there was nothing he could do but remove the fractured blade from the hilt. He agreed reluctantly; hoping this man’s knowledge was up to scratch, knowing he didn’t really have much of a choice he waited on its construction, or rather deconstruction. He should have thought himself lucky that their forces were even able to find it under the devastation that had wrought Adamant; that huge Archdemon cutting through the heavy stone with such ease as they’d battled bellow.

“You know, Evelyn joined me this afternoon?” Cassandra said from her chair as he joined her upstairs, in the same spot as before in the armory, “Don’t think I’m not so wise as to know you still haven’t told her” Cullen stayed silent, faced with matters he’d rather not focus on, “Have you?”

“It’s none of your business” he finally managed, a flat groan.

“You made this my business long before you knew her” 

“Please Cassandra”

“Cullen, do not even try to look to me for sympathy, I swore an oath to you and the Inquisition, and now Evelyn. I am bound by such..” Cassandra sighed, leaning forward, “Everyone has noticed your ...friendship and I worry that you not informing her of your absence from lyriu-”

“I will, things…” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “have just been mounting up and her training seems important considering the stage we are at”

“She’s growing, slowly, I will admit. I gave her a few pointers as she worked the dummy this afternoon. You do us proud Commander” Cassandra said warmly, settling back in her chair. Cullen shook his head, brushing off her complaints. More interested that Evelyn had already been out training on her own admission, “I’ve gathered you have seen how wrapped up she can get in that head of hers as she swings her blade?”

“Something we’ve all noticed before” He added.

“Correct, she has yet to find a way to center herself in the heat of the moment” Cassandra observed.

“She’ll get there Cass” Cullen assured his friend, knowing that he was there to at least help Evelyn on this path.

Cullen mused as he waited for his blade to become a simple engraved hilt; the end encrusted with a large, prized, flawless ruby. He’d held onto it for so long, the embossed design around the shaft worn away at points, he found hard to let go of it so easily. He wondered to himself what could help Evelyn, like before with the letters, he’d managed to strike something within her. 

He watched absentmindedly as Cassandra flexed her shoulder in her socket across from him, a grim expression across her face as she rolled her arm. _Of course_ , a smile tearing across his lips as he realized. 

Her damned love of plants. 

That same fanatical love that had cause Cassandra and a few other of her companions to complain about her time spent gathering them. He joked to Evelyn about it once over dinner, but If he could manage to sort out the rest of the pots in the garden for her then maybe she could find some peace, even if it wasn’t as she fought. His men were bound to have the materials, and a little spare time. He could even ask that worried looking scout that had visited him this morning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this one make sense, as I need to check back through it.. I feel like i'm finally filling in some gaps. The next chapter is gunna be a long one after I've fleshed out my plan a little so bare with me on this one. But as I'm writing I'm getting some serious butterflies for them! :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan  
> _
> 
> ~

Evelyn sprung out of bed at the first sign of light, almost tumbling over her toes in her haste. 

Racing at the mere thought of seeing Cullen; hurriedly buckling her armor on his strict orders. The same armor that was far too thick and heavy for this heat. Attempting to stomach an apple; a fruit bowl had appeared on her desk the other day, unsure if Josephine had been making additions to her quarters again, or if Sera had slipped it on her desk. She eyed herself in the mirror in the small washroom for a moment before leaving her quarters. Lack of sleep evident across her face; glistening green eyes held by dark circles. Smoothing hand down her frayed pleat; trying to restrain the golden strands that’d escaped before she made her own. 

Just like the previous morning- _No, certainly much worse_ she thought as her stomach lurched. Sure anyone would be able to see the sickening movement through the bundled layers. The Grand Hall eerily silent at this hour. She padded past Varric’s empty spot, much too early for him to be around of course. His warm table next to the fire often sat disantly vacant since their return. Ever since Marian had left for Weisshaupt. Ever since they’d all but abandoned Stroud in that nightmare. She forced her eyes ahead, descending the grand stone staircase, trying to keep her mind centered on her task.

She lingered next to the pen for a moment, feeling out of place. Anxiously worrying as to whether Cullen had meant the earlier time they had met yesterday or the appointed hour they’d originally set. Whatever the case, she felt the need to focus her attention elsewhere. Trailing her eyes around the fortress, planning out possible routes to run, in an aid to warm up. Still not willing to venture out of the safety of their walls yet; a large encampment of pilgrims and their overflow of recruits growing healthily out there. 

Uncomfortable, she hung her heavy coat over the fence. The dark leather already absorbing the heat from early morning rays. Huffing out loud, he could allow her this much. Readying herself for her sprint; stretching stiff muscles that throbbed from the day before. Right arm burning as she pulled a single leg flush against the back of her thigh. Straightening her spine; vertebrae easing back into place with a pop. Pushing forward on the other, feeling the satisfying strain of her body as it groaned under her assault. Wishing she was left handed, at least then the pain would be spread between the two arms. She tugged the faded crimson material around her wrist instinctively.

After her session with Cullen the previous day she had taken to the practice dummies to work on some of the movements he’d taught her. Pleading with herself to get one step of the elaborate dance to flow to the next. Cassandra had spotted her struggle, giving her more than a few pieces of friendly advice as Evelyn threw strike after exacerbated strike. One being she should probably start building muscle; her training would indeed help. But her friend suggested she take up running in the mornings; to warm herself up before each days training. Hesitantly, she’d agreed. Willing to try anything at this point

With one last deep breath, she took off. 

One foot carrying the other. 

Running the battlements; trying to ignore the prying eyes of her tired troops as she jogged past. Breath tight in her chest under their gaze. Down the winding staircase, giving Cullen’s office a wide berth, under the bridge. Back up the long staircase, feet carrying her across above the stables. One after the other, step after step, falling into a steady rhythm under her. The weight of her chest plate dragging her down, sweat building at the small of her back, then her forehead. Turning she’d repeat the same route, only to extend her run to where her and Sera had spoke the other day; overlooking the gardens.

Only to turn, again. 

Running the little ruote.

Doubling back, again. 

Heart hammering.

Lungs burning, calves broling, knees screaming for her to stop.

She pushed and pushed, enduring. 

 

Evelyn only halted in her tracks, body throbbing, when she caught a glimpse of a familiar figure down in the heart of Skyhold; at the pen where her coat still sat. Fighting with herself not to continue her sprint, she descended the battlements towards Cullen. Chest still heaving, trying to steady a breath along with her growing nerves. His wide shoulders and back to her as he organised their equipment for the day; sneaking a chance to wipe her slick brow. 

Maker, she must look even more disheveled.

“You’re here?” he turned to her, the warmth of the sun shining against his golden curls, “Good, I brought training equipment. I thought we could work on form again, yesterday was promising” grining as he passed her a blade; adjusting her grip, swearing the dark wood felt heavier in her hands, “Coat?” he decisively looked to the side, gesturing with his blade.

“Really?” Evelyn narrowed her gaze, it was only going to get warmer; making her more unsettled, distracting her even more. Cullen’s eyes stayed firmly on her, not moving an iota, completely serious. Unable to hold the heat of it, she submitted. Grabbing her coat begrudgingly with a heavy sigh, shoving her arms petulantly through the sleeves. “Better?”

“Much, now come...” his boots kicking up dust as he moved to place in the ring. 

Evelyn took to where she’d stood the previous day. Taking a shaky breath to herself as she eyed the scuffed leather of her boots, shifting her body awkwardly, _Should that foot be more to the left? No, maybe there, Right, relax your shoulders, Bend that knee…_

“Ev?” Cullen pulled her out of her monologue. 

“Huh?” head snapping up with wide eyes; searching the man not far from her.

“You need to be able to assume this stance instinctively” he said firmly, eyes decisively focused on her footing. 

“Right, sorry…” Evelyn shuffled her feet once more, hoping that her placements were correct. Though she just felt horribly out of place, as if trapped inside a bubble.

“Don’t apologize” He hushed her quickly, throwing his blade to the side before taking a few large steps behind her. Evelyn fought to breath. Terrified to move, not wanting to lose her stance, frozen at the thought of him being so close to her again. “You need to relax your shoulders” his hands smoothed her shoulders of her jacket, stopping there, the weight of his hands calming her. “Take a deep breath,” voice lower now, she did as she was asked, filling her lungs “Hold it,” his grip weighing on her, “Now… let go” his breath tickling the back of her neck, she exhaled, shoulders deflating with with her breath, muscles releasing; tingling, settling back naturally “There… that’s better”

“This arm... here” his fingers pushing the back of her elbow slightly, softly making adjustments , “like this, that’s it” He cooed, closer to her ear now; hearing his lips move against each other.

“Chin up” his hand that was at her elbow now under her chin; the leather cool against her skin, “eyes straight ahead; at your target” Evelyn focused a head to the courtyard, glad to see it still empty. Painfully aware if she took a single step back, or maybe even just leaned a little, she’d find herself in his arms. Something primal within her wanting to push herself back into him, to feel him-

“Better” he whispered, breath hot against her neck. In a shot, he was gone. Back in front of her, taking his stance. “Now, lets try the movements we went through yesterday. Cassandra told me you’ve been practicing,”

 

In the opening bout of their session Evelyn felt enthralled as her mind stopped racing and body started reacting to her opponent. Flowing into a rhythm with Cullens swift movements. Everything in that moment belonging to them, encased in their own repose. Back and forth, correcting her when she misplaced a foot. Praising her when she strung together the motions. Bolstering her confidence, feeling the improvement from the previous day. A crowd slowly built up around them, watching their show. 

“I can’t believe you made me wear the coat!” Evelyn complained, dropping her blade, glad to be rid of it as they finished for the morning. The pain in her arm instantly subsiding. Quickly peeling the coat from her skin.

“The coat isn’t what’s stopping you, I’m trying to teach you focus; you need to concentrate regardless of everything else” Cullen approached her, throwing his blade carefully next to hers.

“I understand but..” Evelyn agreed with him; but the undying focus that he spoke of felt like an almost impossible concept to her, “I wouldn’t need to have a bath before I carry on with the rest of my day” she deflected, not willing to face such issues with an audience.

“I wasn’t the one to suggest you take up vigorous runs at dawn” Cullen flashed a smirk to her.

“You have Cassandra to thank for that” shocked, she quipped back; _had he been watching?_

“Indeed I do, It’s a good idea I admit...” He eyed the space around them, like he was checking something. She’d noticed how the walls he built up around himself were even taller here, as the crowd looked on. “Tonight..” his voice a low hum, “would you like to have dinner-” Cullen's hand shot back up to the back of his neck, bowing his head; kneading nervously, “at the tavern? That is, I thought you’d maybe- If you’d want to...play some chess again? I’m sure Leliana was cheating last time and I thought it may help with-”

“I’d love to” Evelyn reassured him mid sentence; hearing how quiet his voice had become. Warm doe-eyes back on her; confidence restored as his hand lower to his side. 

But Evelyn was taken aback, maybe even a little hurt that it was in the tavern of all places. She thought their recent admissions about how they enjoyed each other's company meant something more… That they’d spend more time together alone, rather than under the restrictive gaze of Skyhold; yearning to spend any time she could with him.

“Good” he said, sounding relieved, “And..I had a few of our men look into putting the supplies you brought back for the garden to good use” 

“You didn’t?” Evelyn wasn’t sure how to react; elated at the thought of spending time in the gardens. But awe at the idea that he’d actually listened to her idle chatter, touched beyond words that he cared so much to help, “Thank you but ... I was going to get around to-”

“You’re our Inquisitor, It’s my duty” he said stiffly, but the softness in his eyes spoke to her of his true meaning as the crowd began to disperse. Giving him a knowing smile and subtle nod before she left for her quarters; hoping to find a scout along the way to draw her a freezing cold bath before they met later for dinner that night.

~

Every day was much the same.

Waking at the crack of dawn, dressing herself before she worked on her reports. Apple in one hand, quill in the other. Happy that she had worked out a vague system to the insurmountable amount of information that passed over the dark oak on a weekly basis. She’d easily settled into this routine in the weeks spent back at Skyhold. In their council meetings there were talks of her possibly making the long trip to the Forbidden Oasis, or even venturing to the Emerald Graves in light of new information. Josephine and Leliana had been tirelessly working to contact Empress Celene, to no avail. Allowing her some much needed time; even if it was borrowed. 

Evelyn squared off the papers neatly on her desk before she left her quarters. Grabbing her coat from the back of her chair. Nimble toes carrying her out the main gates of Skyhold; giving a smile to the guards that were eagerly waiting for their shift to change. She stopped to button her coat at the gates, pulling the silk of her purple scarf closer to her neck try to secure some warmth. 

Staring straight ahead she took a deep breath; visualizing her path across the bridge, down the gritty path, right at the encampment, from there she’d run the length of the frozen river, the cold air like fire in her lungs. Carrying on, rounding on herself, by this point struggling with her numb legs, past the camps; offering a strained smile to anyone who caught her eye. 

The first weeks of her training, she’d stuck to running along the battlements; not willing to face anyone outside. Yet one morning, the urge to push herself overruled any sense of embarrassment. She’d begun to find brief moments of serenity in these early morning assaults, leading her to search for a longer route to test herself on; searching for that sense of decorum on burning legs through deep snow. 

She felt her body change, mold into something new. As she bathed she would catching herself admiring the change that had appeared across her body, the subtle lines that had grown. Often lustfully imagining what Cullen’s looked like under his armor; after wielding such a heavy weapon for so long. Parts of her body that used to ache replaced with new strength, though fresh ones would appear, she trundled through. Finding satisfaction somewhere in her new schedule. Running each morning before she met with Cullen for training, fueled nerves and an apple

Every night, they shared an well-deserved meal upstairs in the tavern; Cole suspiciously vacant for his usual spot. After dinner, they played chess together, feeling herself getting closer to besting Cullen at his own game. The wary look in his eyes certainly seemed to think so too. Taking a little of his advice. Any time she had free that she could have used in the safety of the gardens, was spent hidden away with Dorian and a chessboard; practicing. Though the heat between her and Cullen was unbearable, convinced at times he forced her into these public situations as some sort of test to her will and sanity. He would often excuse himself after a single match some nights, leaving her all the more confused in his absence.

 

Now though, she felt elated as her body danced around the training grounds. 

Fade stepping away from Cullen’s steady forward advance. Catching a look at the proud smile on his lips as she materialized elsewhere. The hushed appraisal from the crowd pulling her out of her trance; picking up Sera’s voice muffled in there somewhere. The people decidedly gathering earlier and earlier each day to watch Evelyn and Cullen’s sessions over the weeks. Leaving the couple no room for idle chatter or their guise pleasantries.

Placing a well timed searing glyph in his path. She held her position; trying not to wipe her brow as she watched, anticipating his next move. With a quick stab of his blade to the ground, he dispelled the area; the magic rippling under her, purging her barrier. His abilities always felt different inside her; lingering within her in way unlike anything she’d felt before. Putting it down to her imagination and sorry infatuation with her Commander.

Taking a fluid step to the side, he mirrored her actions.

Eyes never leaving him as she greatened the distance between them. Allowing her mana to charge, starting to feel energy tingling in her fingertips. The weight of the practice sword that once felt as heavy as lead in her hand now as light as a feather. She took a final breath. Stepping once more to him, unafraid to forward her advance. Seeing a brief opening in his guard, she lunged forward, swinging her blade. Missing his shoulder she been aiming for. Trying to catch her balance as she turned, feet following his in their standoff. 

Her heart thumping in her ears as she tried to gauge his next movement. The musical appraisal of their audience once again pulling her out of her rhythm; hearing, full sections of their judgement now. Sera’s blunt observations louder than everyone else in the crowd. Weighted under all the eyes on fixed her. _‘Look at...fighting them battles out in ...should be … behind closed doors,’_

Her breath tightening in her chest. Hyper aware of them, picking apart their every breath.

Cullen took what looked to be a move straight towards her; tilting his blade slightly, shield at guard. 

Studying him, _How did he manage ignore them?_ Trying her best to focus over the chatter. 

She quickly moved to the side; sliding under awkward footing. _‘One of them told me ...stupid arse Chant till ...by heart, talk about dull!’._ Tendons and muscles fighting to keep balance under her weight. Letting out a pitiful yelp as she landed hard on a single knee. The dismayed rabble of their crowd building again. 

Completely flustered, frustrated with herself as tried to block Sera’s nattering from her ears. _’Still, I bet they have that stamina to keep…’_ She fought against the sharp pain in her knee as she stood, cheeks hot. 

Panicking as she searched for her target. Easing her body back into that well-taught stance. 

She froze, body rigid. Feeling the familiar pressure of his blade on her, flat against the slow curve of spine; lingering there for longer than it should.

She turned to the man that had bested her once again. Meeting his eyes with a disheartened huff. She once thought that her using her abilities in these heated sessions would make it easier. Now, weeks into dueling together and she had yet to best him… that applied to their nightly chess sessions as well. The crowd didn’t exactly help either, their mumbled disapproval buzzing around the pair.

“What have I told you” Cullen said through a breath, gathering himself, cheeks flush “eyes on your target”

“It’s not that-” she objected, anger building at his accusation. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, even enjoying the excuse to watch him move so graciously, “Tell me? How am I supposed to concentrate when half of Skyhold is always leering at us!?” She launched her practice blade to the ground, implanting itself in the dirt with a satisfying thud. 

With a sigh he ran a weary hand through his slick curls; almost in defense. A concerned look across his face. Their audience shushing each other in the hope of hearing their fervid interactions, salivating for more. Evelyn was too scared to hear his reply, knowing it would be something far too reasonable, baiting her back into continuing this madness. 

“Fuck it” she groaned. Ripping off coat that had encased her flesh, bundling it into a ball in her arms. “I’m done”

Storming off in a direction that was somewhere far away from this ridiculous gathering, even if it was away from Cullen. 

Ignoring the sordid complaints echoing around the courtyard. Her knee throbbing along the guilt as she rushed up the steps towards the great hall. Heart racing, knowing she shouldn’t have stormed off like that, or spoke in such a way. Cullen’s heavy eyes held the same tired and frustrated look she’d seen in her own most mornings. She just hoped that weight wasn’t _all_ due to her. She been tying her utmost best to improve; every moment she had free spent practicing in some shape or form. Needing to be better. 

_Thank the Maker, Lydia wasn’t here to witness such a complete embarrassment to her legacy._

She sighed as she opened the door towards the painted rotunda, feeling as if everything was rushing, not knowing where she was going, simply letting her feet carry her. Everything had gone so well this morning, peaceful even and now, after her outburst… they hadn’t even planned for their usual dinner. 

“I hope your new studies are serving you well” a rich voice interrupted Evelyn as she attempted to cross the room, not that she had a destination.

“My studies?” Evelyn tried to gather herself, looking to Solas the usual spot at his table. 

“If I am not mistaken, the techniques descent from those ancient Elven mages called Archane Warriors? I  
Wonder what they would think to see their magic used in defense of the Chantry” he mused from his seat, books stacked precariously in front of him.

“I highly doubt they called themselves” Evelyn eyed him at his table before joining him, doubting if she was in the best condition to speak to anyone.

“The formal name for the technique you have learned was the Dirth’ena Enasalin, ‘Knowledge that led to victory’” He continued, “Mages who eschewed physical confrontation called it Ghilan’him Banal’vhen, ‘The path that leads astray”

“What do you know of them?” She asked curiously, glad to hear a little more about this path she’d chosen. Welcoming the change of a simple audible lesson rather than a physical one.

“They were elected guardsmen, serving as bodyguards or champions for nobles, As I understand. Mages who are focused on spiriting or the fade might sneer at their physicality, but never doubted their honor. They were the living embodiment of will made mindset, mind shaping the body into the perfect weapon” his voice lulled across the room.

“I can’t imagine ancient elves would be happy to see their techniques used by someone so utterly inept, never mind the Chantry” she scoffed at the idea; her being able to be _the living embodiment of a will made mindset._

“Perhaps they would surprise you, as you have surprised us” Solas kept his eyes on her, seeing the sincerity there, “So much knowledge has been lost, perhaps having something they created carried forward, even in such a different form, would gratify them” he smiled to her.

“I’d always been such the model student Solas... ” Evelyn admitted weakly.

“While our fight has afforded you little time for formal study, the wise can better themselves even in the midst of battle. Perhaps, especially _then_.” he said firmly to her, though there was a softness in his voice she’d never heard before. “And you have”

“You think?” 

“I have seen, and I am honored to fight alongside with you. Though you should allow yourself a moment to decompress. Take care of yourself” he nodded to her from across the busy table, “And remember to eat the fruit I asked the staff to leave you”

“That was you?” Evelyn smiled a little at the sentiment, not exactly expecting it from him, “Thank you, I will try my best to” 

 

And with that, she was off once more. 

Right towards the gardens. Taking Solas’ advice, listening to her heart and allowing herself a moment respite where she could find it. Relaxing back into her skin as she tenderly planted the seeds that she’d meticulously gathered from all across Thedus. Solas’ insightful words echoing her head, contemplating how she'd grown. 

She had learned shape herself in the madness of it all, maybe that was true. Realizing to herself with a smile, she’d used Lydia’s letter as a tool to mold herself. Now the tattered band wrapped around her wrist held much the same purpose. She’d used the comfort of those things to distract her, to center herself, in the heat of it all. To prove to herself she could become weapon she had to be.

For the people at the very least. 

And now, patting down the damp soil softly; dirt clumped under her nails. Cullen somehow had given her this as well. Allowing her a brief sense of peace, allowing her to grow a little happiness as the battle raged on outside their walls. Though it was more than just the garden he’d provided; or the fact that he planned to acquire even more pots for her. More than the time he’d spend diligently training her. Or listening through her depressing stories of the Circle. The serene moments she spent with him, reassuring her in those terrifying moments when she felt like everything was crashing down around her. 

It was Cullen, just him. His all. His mere present that soothed her. 

By the Maker, what she would do to have another moment alone with him. 

Her stomach lurched at the thought of it. The times when they had, the night she spilled wine on his desk seemed like a distant memory now. She wondered to herself, her body jolting at the thought, if she should pluck up the courage to visit him in the morning. She could allow herself one morning off from running? Couldn’t she? If that meant she could experience more… of whatever she felt build between them. To find out If she really was _that_ someone special. Could he really see her, a mage as something more?

Andraste preserve her, Dorian was right...she knew nothing about this. 

Whatever happened, she reasoned that she could at least apologize and tell him she hadn’t copped out of training with him entirely when she’d told him she was _done._

Feeling the hunger grow in her stomach, she finished up in the garden. Settling on eating whatever was left in her fruit bowl for the time being; not willing to face the rest of Skyhold. She returned back to her quarters, body aching but with a clear head; despite the alluring prospect of seeing him alone tomorrow surging through her body.

There was no blighted way she was getting any sleep tonight.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford  
> _
> 
> ~
> 
>   
> 

At this hour, the very last person Cullen had expected at his door was Evelyn. 

Maybe that young scout that he’d asked to inform him as soon as the containers for the gardens were ready. Needing to make sure they had been made to the right size and depth Evelyn had described during one of their many evening meals together. Asking her as much as he could about her favorite pastime, seeing the passion light in her eyes as she described the best soil mix for growing Rashvine. He’d reasoned if they weren’t fit for Evelyn’ then he was sure Josephine could find a use for them.

Evelyn had devotedly taken running length of that frozen river. Cullen proudly smiling to himself at the sight of her from his window most mornings; sprinting across the bridge below. Not at all his suggestion, or initial go to when he’d suggested she practice... but it had built up strength. And taught her some much needed focus; initially not wanting to wear her armor, attempting to get away with not wearing her enchanter coat, culminating in her storming off yesterday. Losing herself to the comments of the crowd. He wasn’t deaf, he’d heard what had set off Evelyn, her blonde Elvehn friends infernal chatter. He thought to go after her, but he simply didn’t trust himself alone around her anymore.Too wary of the onlooking crowd and their steady judgment.

He’d done his very best to avoid such a situation; making sure their most recent interactions were as public as possible. Not wanting to lose control like he had the last time she stood in his office. When she’d sat on his desk after a single sip of wine. Recently in the nights they spent together, he’d struggled to even sit through more than one match of chess with her. Feeling sick from the unaddressed tension around them, interweaving with the usual nausea as his body cried out for any type of sustenance. The want and need for her overwhelming.

Shallow breaths catching in his chest sight of her in his office at first light as she wandered around his desk, like it was her own. Her slender hand smoothing over the surface, fluttering past the dark stain on the wood, as if she was about to take a seat. Feeling nervous at how close to that drawer, not that she would open it. But if she took a step closer she’d feel it singing to her, like it called to him. Cullen rounded around the side of the desk, offering a buffer between her and something she didn't need to worry about.

“What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I thought we could talk… _alone_ ” her words soft, though his still stomach dropped at the emphasis she placed on her last.

_Did she know? Had Cassandra told her? Was that why she was here instead of running her usual route?_

“Alone?” He repeated, “Wh.. Uh-I-I...I mean, of course” he tired to rekindle his confidence, heart hammering in his chest.

“Follow me” she said softly, walking to the door to the left of them that lead outside.

It took him a moment; blindly staring after the sway of her hips. Terrified at the prospect of them being alone for the first time in a long time. Equally terrified that he would never have the chance in his lifetime to follow such beautiful woman again. But he followed he did, something inside him drawing him towards her. 

They’d walked this section of the battlements almost for the second time now; thick silence between them. Cullen stared off into the courtyard below, wringing the back of his neck, eyes searching the pen where they would battle together later that morning. He dug deep within, lowering his arm from his neck, grasping to find anything to fill the silence between them, to cut through this tension that was drowning both of them.

“It a nice day..” he laughed nervously as the word tumbled from his mouth, aware of the stupidity of his own statement, it had been _‘a nice day’_ in Skyhold since they had returned from Adamant.

“What?” Evelyn stopped abruptly in her tracks, head snapping to him.

“Its…” he sighed.

His reflexes kicking in as his hand hit the back of his neck. Rubbing furiously once more, trying anything to ease the tension that stretched between them. The thought of her knowing how incapable he’d become in his role as her Commander. The daily struggle not to rip the handle off the drawer in an ill attempt to ease his suffering. At least she didn’t know how he’d wanted to do much the same to the many layers than encased her. He’d hadn’t fucked up in his role as Commander that dramaticly quiet yet, though highly aware of his desperate want to.

“Is there something you wish to discuss” he finally managed daring himself to look at her, reminding himself he’d looked demons and despicable manifestations in the eyes, stuck them down in a blink. That he could surely manage to look, who he often forgot was, his superior in the eyes and hear what she needed to stay to him, privately.

“Cullen..” voice crying in the cold breeze. He’d heard gut wrenching tone before; when she’d first visited him in his cabin at Haven; questioning him of Kirkwall when he wasn’t ready, when she’d feebly tried to tell him he was a good man, a changed one, almost taking her right there on that Maker forsaken desk just to silence her- “I care for you...and I-” she let out a frustrated sigh, eyes dragging along the stone at her feet.

“What’s wrong?” he searched the emotion in her face, trying to pick up the tiniest of hint of what she was about to say next. 

“You left the Templars.. do you trust mages?” her voice was less confident, a little more than a whisper as she refused to look at him, noticing the heat growing in her cheeks, “...could you think of me as anything more?”

“I could” he said weakly, such direct questioning taking the breath from his lungs, not expecting _that._ “I mean, I do!.. think of you, that is…” he took confident a step towards her ”and what I might say in this sort of situation”

“What’s stopping you?” she asked as leaned back against the wall, almost as if she was inviting him closer

“You’re our Inquisitor, we’re at war and you...” he said trying to justify all the reasons why they shouldn’t; faded vows he’d made lifetime ago,“I didn’t think it was possible,” he admitted.

“And yet… I’m still here” she smiled a little, tempting him; the pink of her lips pouting to one side.

What was she trying to do to him? Did she want him to take her right there, as Skyhold as their witness? Is this want she truly wanted?

Giving in.

He took one final step, knees brushing the top of her thighs as he finally closed the aching gap that had sat between them for far too long. His hands found her hips easily, holding the rough of her her belt with large palms. Feeling her body easing against his touch alone. Heart still beating heavily in his chest, far too aware how fragile she felt in his hands as he pushed her back gingerly against the cool stone wall.

“So you are” He realized as he held her there; something he’d only dreamed of, ”It seems too much to ask” He said more to himself than her, eyeing her full lips as they parted slightly under his gaze, “...but I want to” dipping his head down to hers feeling the searing heat of her breath touch his lips, so close. Her hips struggling against his firm grip, as if they weren’t close enough for her liking. 

Cullen heard the distant clunk of a door rattling back into its frame, not able to pinpoint where it came from. Not caring, the least of his concerns when he was blisteringly close to tasting-

“Commander?” 

Cullen paused, a whisper from her. He tried to offer her a reassuring look before he turned to address … whoever this was, but Evelyn’s gaze was firmly rooted off to the side now, boring a hole into the bottom of the nearby staircase with her head bowed low. 

“You wanted a copy of the-”

He lightly squeezed her hip before he begrudgingly disconnected, hoping she knew this interruption wouldn’t change anything, not this time. Taking a step back from the heat of her and turning to the familiar scout, who was seemingly too wrapped up in the pages in his hands to realize what was going on between his superiors

“What?!” Cullen spat at him, furious the boy had even thought to seek him out this early if he wasn’t in his office. Would the lad have as went as far to find him if he was in the bathhouse? With papers in hand?

“A list of what the men made with the materials Ser, you told me to inform you as soon as they were finished, ‘without delay’” Cullen started through him. He knew exactly what he’d told ‘Jim’ to do, the boy dare repeat his own orders back to him. Not thinking he would have taken them so directly. He noticed the nervous flicker of his eyes, between him and Evelyn, Makers Breath was the lad really piecing this together, of all things to pick up on... “Or to your office… right” he added quickly, finally making his retreat, stumbling over his feet.

Cullen waited, watching the lad scuttle towards the door he’d most likely came from; hopefully then onto his office with the list. What he should have done to start with. The clatter of the door clicking back into place sending him in to motion, not knowing how long this moment they had alone would last, needing to take advantage of it. Needing her to know he felt the same, that he had for longer than he cared to admit to her. 

“If you need to-” he caught her mid sentence, lips shushing her hastily; tearing mercilessly at her mouth. Needing nothing else but her.

Needing to feel the warmth of her. He curved his hand round the back of her neck, the other trying to pull her closer. The heat of her skin thawing the tension from his fingertips, spreading. “Mhm” she moaned into his mouth as she ease into his arms, the sound vibrating off his lips and ticking his scar.

He pushed his mouth roughly against hers, feeling the naivety there, the sweet sounds escaping from them bolstering his ego, the weight her hand stretching to embrace width of him, pulling him closer as if begging for more. She didn’t know what she was asking for...

“I’m sorry” Cullen pulled away, both gasping for air through heaving chests, “that was” he smiled slightly at his admission, feeling a rush inside his core, “really nice”

“That’s what I needed” she hummed through glistening emeralds half covered by heavy lids dark, lips raw and swollen from their kiss, shimmering under the morning light.

“Oh” He replied, all he could manage... _She needed him..._ “Good” he said relieved, his forehead pressing against hers for a moment before he gently caught her bottom lip, pulling her in once more.

Holding her close he took his time now, savoring the moment. Not wanting it to end. The sheer ecstasy that ran through his veins as he held her; he’d never felt anything like it. She constantly fought to bring herself closer to him, not that there was any more to give through their thick layers. At one point sure she left a dent in his armor from her tight grasp as they feverishly kissed upon the battlements. Far past the point of caring if anyone seen such a public show of their affection, even if it was between their Commander and their Inquisitor. Just as Varric had told him, something out of one of his worst drafts that had ended up on the floor.

A former circle mage and a former Templar, together.  


~

  


His swollen lips tingled as they trained together, a sweet reminder of their stolen moment. She graciously danced around him, edging closer to him, golden hair trailing behind her. Fighting to keep his concentration throughout their bout. He felt as if he could finally see her, hitting him how radiant actually she was. Almost like he’d never laid eyes on her before.

The crowd not phasing her as she made her advances, perfect footwork through devoted practice that he knew he’d lent her a small hand in. Yet the progress she’d made belong to her, the punishment he knew she’d put herself through each morning. The combination of these new found skills nearly sent Cullen to his knees more than once. Leaving him a little surprised, through proud of her newfound confidence.

 _Surely one kiss couldn’t have changed that much?_

The crowd lingered as they finished up for the morning weighing in around them, waiting for an encore. Cullen bungled up their practice swords next to the fence, taking a drink from his flask as he made his way back to Evelyn in the center of the ring; allowing them a meager sense of privacy. She gladly took the refreshments from his hand, guzzling at the flask greedily. He watched her with a smile, following a drop that escaped, trailing down the side of her mouth, down the crook of her neck. He swallowed, his mouth drying at the sight.

Evelyn looked up to him, lips curling around the flask as she caught him. She took one last gulp before harshly wiping her mouth with her sleeve, with a decisive look in her jade eyes.

“What?” she laughed, throwing the flask the small distance between them.

“Nothing” he said quickly, taking a drink, trying to salvage any dignity he had left. She rolled her eyes playfully,

“ _Nothing_ ” she jibbed, imitating his accent, rousing an amused smirk from him in reply as he quenched his thirst. “I’m off to the gardens for the rest of the morning” he caught her eyeing the crowd that was slowly dispersing around them now, checking for prying eyes like he once had, “...Dinner? Tonight?” 

“Usual time?” he said quietly, meeting her volume.

“...At yours?” she said lower, nibbling at her bottom lip that he’d spent the better part of his morning suckling on.

“Alone” he promised, his stomach leaping into his chest at the prospect. With what she left, purposely nudging past him, hand brushing up against his thigh for a split second.

 

He’d taken to spending time sorting out the never ending amount of paperwork on his desk after a much needed bath. Feeling like it was only right clean up considering the intimate company he was expecting tonight. His sword that rested next to his desk feeling alien at his side. The hilt of his old one now a glorified paperweight, Mia’s letters pinned beneath the weight of it. He found the scouts inventory on what exactly they’d managed to craft, shifting through the dimensions; carefully marking those fit for purpose.

The light fading from his room hadn’t gone unnoticed, his body throbbing with excitement knowing she would be here soon. He quickly gathered the reports he needed sent away. Knowing one that he’d penned to Ser Rylan was especially important; informing him that he’d visit him the next morning after reading his trusted colleges concerns about their more recent recruits. He made his way across the battlements, through the room where they kept the practice equipment, in the hope of finding someone, he quickly spotted a pair of his troops gesturing one of them over.

“Here” he handed the woman the stack of papers, “I want no more interruptions for the rest of the night, am I clear”

She gave him a firm nod, offering him a quick salute before returning to her duties. Cullen turned to make his way inside.

“Inquisitor, forgive me” 

Stopping dead in his tracks as heard one of the soldiers, turning to them quickly. He could see Evelyn at the top of the staircase, a large wooden tray balanced with food in hands. His feet were carrying him over to her in a heartbeat, “I can assist you if-”

“No need” Cullen quickly interrupted the young woman, taking the tray from Evelyn's hands, fighting to keep the jug from spilling.

“Thank you” she said politely, blushing as she followed him.

 

The rest of Skyhold gave them that much needed peace, whether that was by chance or on Cullen's orders, he could only guess. But he was thankful just to lounge back in his chair, feet kicked back carelessly under his desk, Feeling content after the meal Evelyn had brought them. Watching her freely under the candles she’d lit around his office; the warm light playing against her scar as she sat cross legged on his desk. Pondering her next move as hung over the chess board.

“Are you running tomorrow?” he asked, curious.

“Probably, why?” she asked brows pulling together, not moving her attention off the game in front of her.

“Tomorrow, I have to check on Ser Rylen and some of his men at the encampment further down the river, It’s just that I think you are more than capable to continue your training on your own-”

“Ahhh!” She slipped off his desk, landing with a soft thud next to him. “I did it!”

“Sorry?” he laughed, not catching what she’d meant, sitting up in his right chair.

“Pay attention, Look!” avidly pointing to the board in front of him “I won!” proud of herself, throwing her hands up in the air in victory. He eyed the board to check she wasn't mistaken, happy to see she was indeed right, “I did it!”

“That you did,” he said, smiling to her before wrapping his arms around the small of her waist, pulling her back into his chair with him. Her back settling into stiff arch of his breastplate, doubting she’d find any comfort, ”I’m proud of you” he nuzzled his cheek against hers holding his cold skin against the inviting warmth. “You know that don’t you?”

“Stop it” she mumbled shyly, shifting in his lap, stirring a heat within him under her weight. Her hands finding an end of his cloak idling playing with the silk between her fingers.

“I’m serious, listen to me” he hushed her, holding her tightly to him, he tried to squeeze the self doubt from her, “You don’t have to train anymore, not like we do every morning…”

“But..I enjoy being with you,” she said as she shuffled restlessly on top of him, not helping the building of pressure between his thighs, pulling forward like she was trying to escape, dropping the cloak from her fingertips.

“You can be with me anytime...” Refusing to let go off his arms around her waist, pulling her back. Finally feeling her muscles release with a soft sigh from her lips, easing into him, her golden head falling back lazily as she rested against him, “and I’m sure we can find other things to... teach each other”

“Like what?” sounding so innocent for a second, before she’d clicked, “Oh, yes.. well-I..” 

A breathy chuckle flowing past his lips into her ear, feeling the satisfying feeling of her shudder inside his embrace. She shuffled herself in his lap trying to find more contact between them, sure she must feel him pressing into her.

“When you are ready, of course,” he added, willing to wait an eternity if that meant sharing blissful moment like this together. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the heat from her sitting against him painfully pulsating through his arousal “Though Ev, I’m afraid even I have my limits”

“Sorry” she gasped, jumping out of his arms. Looking nervous as she leaned back against his desk, eyes averting his gaze.

“Its okay” He stood, attempting to adjust himself with some sense of dignity, “we can talk about this in properly another night”

“Thank you, I’ve just never done anything...like this before, so forgive me… it’s all rather new” she rambled, her knuckles white as she gripped onto his lip of desk.

“There’s nothing to forgive” he took a step towards her, “Come here” he opened his arms, inviting her in. Relieved when she instantly wrapped herself up inside them. 

He rested his head on top of hers for a moment as her hands roamed the expanse of his back, running her hands through the plush fur of his mantle. Until she nuzzled her head under his, the heat of her breath tickling his neck. Taking him off guard he let out a surprised groan when she placed soft kisses along the tender flesh there. He looked down to her, his fingers cupped her chin. Pulling her mouth to his own, feeling her strain to meet him. Her soft lips more confident in their repose now, trying to claim his, a delicate hand running through his hair, fingers trailing soft whispers across his cheeks to hold his jaw in her palm.

“I better go” she gasped, pulling back, though her hand lingered against his jaw. 

“You’d better” he said through a low growl, teasing her. But there was a truth to it, a crazed voice trying to reason that she should stay the night; selfishly not wanting her to leave. 

She’d given him the most heartbreaking of smiles as they parted, making her way over to the door slowly. 

“Tomorrow?” she stated simply with a smile before she left

It took him a moment but he finally bolted the door shut behind her, a hollow clack ringing around the empty room. He sighed, hanging his head against the wood. Maker take him for a fool, of course she’d never done anything like this before. He could feel the inexperience through her sweet kisses as he'd assaulted her. What confidence she seemed to have led him to believe she had at least some practice. As a young lad he'd once convinced himself that most Circle mages spend their nights...practicing together. As he’d grown older, Kinloch had taught him that it most definitely wasn’t the case.

Though the position he held in Kirkwall had allowed him certain freedoms, that in the beginning he had feverishly pursued, due to the chastity that was thrust upon him in his youth. The trouble in Kirkwall never left a lot of time to make such passions a habit; craving swift justice over a woman's tender touch.

Still, not a single one of them could to hold candle to Evelyn, nor were they able to light one with a wave of a delicate hand.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Evelyn Trevelyan_
> 
> ~

By the Maker, Evelyn could think of a thousand better ways to spend her morning rather than holding these ridiculous poses for Leliana in her quarters. She should be out be out running instead, that’s what she’s initially intended before Leliana had caught her slinking through the great hall this morning. Hoping to see Cullen down at encampments by the river as she ran her circuit. _Would it be too much to steal him after he finished with Ser Rylen?_ Following him back up to his quarters with the hope of sharing a moment alone together. Lips hungrily trying to stake their claim against his. The pressure of his hands gripping her possessively settling her back into her bones-

“Stop holding your breath!” Leliana hissed, head bowed low as she pulled the measuring tape tight around the small of Evelyn’s waist, arms outstretched at her side. 

“I’m not!” Evelyn hissed back at her, embarrassed that somehow she knew what she’d been daydreaming about. The heat of the morning sun streaming through the massive panes of intricate stained glass, beating off the back of her neck feeding the flames her red cheeks. 

“You are, even now, I can feel the tension through the tape” Leliana looked up from her hunched position, not moving an inch, waiting for her to comply.

“Don’t we have a tailor that could take measurements?” she groaned.

_Why had Leliana insisted doing this herself?_

“You think me inept?” 

“No, of course not” Trying to retrace her steps, aware she’d accused an archer from the history books of being unable to judge distance. “Its, well… I just thought you would have more pressing issues that would have your attention”

“This is a pressing issue, we would be failing in our mission if we don’t ensure you are best equipped, with the reports from Scout Harding in The Forbidden Oasis... ” Leliana readjusted the tape around her mid, eyeing her “Now, put yourself at ease. I don’t want a single seam out of line” 

Evelyn gave in; taking a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second, fingertips brushing along the strap of material wrapped around her palm. Before letting a heavy breath of hot air escape between her lips, ruffling Leliana’s auburn below, attempting to ease the pent up anxiety.

“Hm?” 

“What’s that?” Evelyn peered curiously bellow.

“Nothing, just...your training has clearly had an impact” She stood, taking the tape with her, “half an inch here, a little firmer there”

“Leliana” she laughed at her compliment.

“What?” she smiled back at her “I am not the only one to notice, though I’m just glad we waited on taking these measurements,” After taking note of the figures on a piece of parchment of Evelyn’t desk she moved to her again, hands a flurry as she pulled the tape loosely around her rib cage, “Hold still, these must be accurate...I won’t have you in that tattered armor set when we do visit the Empress. I’ll speak to my contacts in Val Royeaux, I’ll have you a dress-”

“A dress? I thought this was for the armor?”

“It’s no different than the robe you wore at the Circle, no? just a little more ornate with gold maybe...lots of gold-” Leliana rambled on, ignoring Evelyn’s complaints.

“Leliana, are we almost finished?” fighting back frustration in her voice- stiff from standing in the same position for so long. 

“One moment…” She pulled the tape flush around her hips once more, holding her there for a second. Finally satisfied she pulled the long tape away with a flurry, “There, all done” she smiled.

“Thank you” Evelyn turned grabbing her weighty coat from her desk.

“Before I go” Leliana hummed.

“Yes?”

“How does it feel?”

“What?!” Evelyn spluttered, rounding on the woman that stood atop her staircase now.

“The material” she said, all too innocently “If I am to send these measurements to Harrit and our tailor?”

“Oh… It’s really nice” smirking at her words. At Cullen’s exact words about their kiss; about her very first. She knew her far too intuitive Spymaster most likely knew, why else had she appeared coincidentally the very morning after. To ask her how it felt? _Nice_ was an understatement.

“I hoped as much, I’ll see you this evening” she sang before making her decent.

“See you then” 

With the meeting holding the promise of Cullen’s calming presence at said meeting she felt a little relieved- hoping they could have dinner together again tonight. Though the thought of getting back out there seemed a little daunting after being at Skyhold for so long. Growing to acclimatized to the comfort this time offered, her relationship with Cullen blooming under the warmth of the summer sun. Simply, and selfishly, not wanting to leave him so soon.

Waiting a few moments until she was sure Leliana gone, hearing the second rattle echo through her quarters. She made her way down to the training grounds; sure she’d more than missed her opportunity to ‘bump’ into Cullen. She settle with spending the better part of her afternoon battling the dummies alone. She’d hoped to see Cassandra, tirelessly working her own corner. But strangely her spot was vacant. Not thinking too much of it, Evelyn took stance.

Taking a deep breath, she felt her muscles relax further.

She took swing after swing with her practice blade at the straw filled-man. The sound of muffled complaints in the distance tempting her from her attack. Though now, she knew better than to pay them any attention. But the tone of one continued to nag her, that low rumble, it sounded too much like…

_It couldn’t be?_

She stopped, settling her blade next to the dummy. Ears searching out for the source of the distraction, following the noise over to the door or the armory. Hesitating as she recognized the voices now, hovering at the door; grasping to hear them.

“You asked for my opinion, and I’ve given it. Why would you expect it to change?” Evelyn heard Cassandra distant through the wood, imagining her arms were more than likely planted definitely across her chest.

“I expect you to keep your word. It’s relentless. I told you I would but I can’t-” Cullen's voice boomed through the door.

“You give yourself too little credit” 

“If I’m unable to fulfill what vows I kept to her... “ Evelyn’s heart leaped painfully in her chest as he spoke of her, ”Then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face that admit-”

Numbly finding the handle to the door she barged inside. 

Silence.

The owners of the conversation she’d eavesdropped on, until she couldn’t stop herself, stared back expectantly at her. Her mind racing What had happened, why was he so upset? She joined them, keeping a distance between her and Cullen; wanting to reach out to him, to ease whatever pained him. Makers Mercy he looked tired today even in the dimly lit armory.

“Forgive me” he murmured as he breezed past, the fur of his mantle a whisper from her. Her heart twisted at his hollow sincerity.

_What was going on?_

Cullen closed the door with a thump behind him taking tension with it. 

“And people say _I’m_ stubborn, this is ridiculous” Cassandra threw her hands up in the air, clearly expatriated with the situation. They’d clearly been here a while before Evelyn had arrived. “Cullen never told you that he’s no longer taking lyrium, did he?”

“He’s what? When? No… I thought that he still..” Evelyn tried to find the words, mind galloping- _The madman! Andrastes’ fine arse what was he doing to himself!_

“It seems he’s no longer interested in my judgment or opinions on the matter I’d asked him to speak to you before It came to this”

“Came to what?”

“Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him I refused, it’s not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him, he’s come so far”

“How long has he..?” not wanting to say the words out loud, the reality of it weighing on her- re-evaluating every interaction they’d had.

“Since we sailed the Waking Sea from Kirkwall, before the Conclave” Cassandra stated simply.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Evelyn looked to her friend for answers, for some sort of condolence as to why he’d decided not to trust her with such a crucial piece of information.

“We had an agreement long before you joined us. As a seeker, I can evaluate the dangers” she assured her, “And he wouldn’t want to...risk your disappointment”

“My disappointment?” she repeated the words back to her, guilt washing over her as to how utterly selfish she’d been. She’d shared so much with him, owing everything and more. And yet, he still chose to hold this burden without her- scared of her opinion, “Is there anything we can do to change his mind?”

“If anyone could, its you Evelyn” Cassandra offered her a rare smile, “You kind have made their suffering know, but Templars never have…” watching as she stared off into the fire of a nearby kiln, following her gaze, “They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break that, to prove himself, and to anyone else who would follow suit that it is possible. He _can_ do this, I knew that when we met in Kirkwall” placing a well meant hand on Evelyn’s back, “Go, talk to him” She encouraged her, taking her leave.

“Cassandra?” Evelyn turned to her quickly, catching her halfway towards to door.

“Yes?”

“Tell Leliana we’ll move the council meeting forward to the morning” 

“Of course” She nodded to her, before closing the door behind her.

Leaving Evelyn to staring to the white heat inside the kiln. No wonder his magic felt so strange... It explained why everything about him from the offset had been so bloody different- calling to her in a way she’d never felt. The stark realization that he subjected himself to this voluntary torture. She’d never heard of a Templar doing such a thing, at least not willing. 

The nobility of his actions all sending her barraging right towards his quarters- hoping that was where he’d found refuge. Everything within in calling her to offer him a shred of what he’d given her in those dark days- she owed him this much. T

Evelyn threw open his office door, not willing to wait for an answer. She jumped back. Narrowly avoiding a box thrown in her general direction. Though it thankfully missed- instead landing with a sharp crack against the wall next to her. She eyed her assailant, hung wearily across his desk him.

“Makers Breath! I didn’t hear you enter. I-” Cullen rambled, shaking his head, eyes off boring a hole into the wood- unable to face her. “Forgive me” he sighed wearily.

“Cullen, if you need to talk..” Ignoring his apologies, she quickly closed the door sidestepping the broken philters and splinters that were now scattered around the area.

“You don’t have to-” his voice grew weak, trying to take a step closer on uneasy footing- giving up he let out a groan. Resorting to supporting his clearly exhausted frame against the desk, “I never meant for this to interfere”

“Are you going to be okay?” Evelyn rushed to his side- there if he needed he though wanting to give him space, she wavered, “You should have told me…”

“Yes…” he said through a muted tone “I don’t know” he whispered honestly. “She told you, And I should have I-” he stammered, trailing off as he straightened himself, “You heard what happened to Ferelden's Circle. It was taken over by abominations, The Templars- _my friends_ \- were all slaughtered” his gaze never meeting hers he turned towards the window behind him.

“I was tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I-” he laughed sourly, shaking his head as he stared out of the window. “How can you be the same person after that?” Evelyn held her position, afraid if she moved he’d build up those walls again. “Still I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight- Commander, and for what? Hm?” he looked over his shoulder to her.

She didn’t answer. 

Know he wasn't asking for one, two wide eyes stared back at him in reply- terrified for the man she cared so much for.

“Her fear of mages ended in madness. That same madness that found its way to your Circle and the rest. But in Kirkwall...it spilled onto the streets, more innocent people dying. You see why I want nothing to do with that life?”

“Of course I can. I-” Evelyn flinched as he interrupted her, not expecting his heated tone.

“Don't! You should be questioning what I’ve done, you of all people..” voice breaking a little as he turned pacing a small circle around himself, “I thought this would be better, not letting this be your burden-” running a gloved hand across his strained brow; glistening, “I hoped that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won’t _leave_ me, How many lives depend on our success?” 

Cullen extended his loop now, marching off towards the bookcase and back; Evelyn fought with herself not to just grab him; embrace him as he tore a hole through the floorboards- to quell the rampage wrought through him. But she knew in her own dark moments she had needed someone just to listen, to face the storm with her. 

“I swore myself to this cause, to you..” though now she could hear the panic building through the anger in his voice as paced violently, “I will _not_ give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I made a vow! I should be taking it!” he slammed his fist into the nearby bookcase, rattling Evelyn along with the dusty pages in their home. “I should be taking it.” he hissed, staring into where his fist had landed.

“This doesn’t have to be about the Inquisition… or a vow you made to me. Is this what _you_ want?” Evelyn asked tentatively, cautiously approaching her wounded lion. 

Sure she could heart the hammering of his heart echoing through his breastplate. She slipped her fingertips around the shaking ball of his fist. Feeling something relax within him, the tension eased a little, quickly she curled her hand into his, lowering it to their side. Cullen exhaled shakily, bowing his head as he leaned closer to her.

“No” he said softly, “But..these memories have always haunted me- if they become worse, if I cannot endure this..” the fear in his voice shook her, she’d never heard him like this before- wanting nothing more to banish this curse that ran through his veins.

“You can, I believe in you” staring into deep his golden eyes, begging for him to see the truth there. That she really did. Another heavy sigh escaped him as he looked to the side for a moment.

“All right” he found her gaze, “This was never your burden, Forgive me I never wanted you to worry, I am the last thing you should be-”

“Let me decided what to worry about” she hushed him, “I want to”

“You shouldn’t.. Not with everything else going on-”

“You didn't have to battle a blizzard to find me but you did, please Cullen, you’ve been here for me. And after everything that's happened…you deserve a little release” she fought to find the words, needing to let him know that she was here- that if he needed to break a few boxes, it was okay. The fear of a lesson she’d once learned from a drunken Hawke ringing through her “If you ever want to talk-”

“Ev” he chuckled dryly, shaking his head.

“Wh-”

His lips were on hers in a hot flash taking her off guard- senses overwhelmed. Tearing into her at a blistering pace. Strong arms wrapping her inside a tight embrace. She tired to react, to let him know she was there. Timid fingers brushing against stubble; heart aching as realized how slick his skin felt under her touch. She molded her hand against the square of his jaw, pressing her palm into him. He let out an encouraging groan into their kiss. The sound of their passionate display echoing pleasingly around them. Moving her other hand to knot around his damp curls, holding herself closer to him. 

Though the speed of his lips against hers didn’t relent, not like last time. Hungrily wanting more and more. She felt the need within him, in the clench of his jaw that flexed under her touch. Lips tender as she struggled to keep up with him; with the pace he’d set. The flat of his palms trembling held tight against her back.

Evelyn pulled away with a gasp, breath ragged in her chest, eyes fluttering open; trying to level her senses as the world re-materialized around her.

“I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t” she hushed him, pushing her swollen lips back to his for a moment to reassure him, “I’m here...” She studied him for a second, his grey complexion hadn't improved, the dark and tiered circles under his eyes making him look even more sickly. “I’ll get us some lunch, please go upstairs and rest while I go... “ she grazed her hand against his cheek once more, taking some of the newly formed perspiration with it- not phased.

“But I have regiments to organised for Rylen and the preparations for” easing his vice-like grip on her.

“As your superior, I’m telling you today I want you rest” 

“I-ah, well.. alright then”

 

When Evelyn returned with lunch Cullen had taken her advice to heart for once. Finding him upstairs changed into his own set of more casual clothes; a simple pair of cotton trousers- much the same colour as his leathers ones. And a loose white shirt, the ties the held the neck left undone. He’d helped her with the tray up the awkward set of ladders- he’d offered to come downstairs. But she insisted, wagering his time resting was best spent away from the work that was piled on his desk. 

She watched him pick at the bread and soup after she had finished her own, shifting uncomfortably on his bed trying to avert her gaze- he looked lewd sitting there in just his casual clothing. Broad shoulders, the push of muscle, she spent nights imaging, as he dipped his bread in the bowl in his lap. She decided on eyeing around the room she assumed he spent most nights trying to sleep in. Resting on the curious hole in his roof; why hadn’t he gotten one of their recruits to fix it yet? Wasn’t he cold at night?

She eased her coat off her shoulders, feeling overdressed, placing her various items she’d taken to carrying with her on a daily basis. She eased herself back on the bed, realizing he'd made no further progress on his meal. Half a lonely slice of bread sat on the tray, the second.. and third slice sat untouched. 

“If you don't feel like eating you don't have to” Evelyn broke the silence between them, “It’s okay” He didn't say anything, simply dropping the spoon into the bowl softly. Evelyn quickly took it from him, organizing the tray and placing in on the floor at her side. 

“Thank you”

“Come here” she wove a hand around his shoulders as she eased back next to him, tempting him to lean back with her into the comfort of his mattress. Relieved when he moved with her, sinking into her chest. The weight of him settled into her bosom soothing her.

“Do you want a blanket...are you cold?” she adjusted her arm around him, trying to grasp a better hold of him- finding her arm too short.

“No, you’re warm enough...hm” he hummed, nuzzling into her chest.

Her breathing faltered in its rhythm under Cullen, nerves fighting with the comfort of being back with him. Needing to hold herself together for him. She leaned her chin against his temple- placing a soft, sweet kisses there for some time; a distraction for both of them. 

“The meeting!?” Cullen's body flexed in her arms, attempting to upright himself. 

Startled, she tightened her lock around him, aware that if he wanted to he could escape. But she could try to hold on.

“No” she huffed, almost childlike, easing his head back down onto her chest with a gentle hand, wiping his slick brow with the sleeve of her shirt, “I fixed it”

“What do you mean...you fixed it?” He said lazily, relaxing back into her; his hand grazing the angle of her hip idly.

“No meeting until tomorrow morning” Evelyn smiled against his curls, taking a deep breath- saving this moment.

“Mhh” he grumbled into her shirt, leaning closer to her.

“I didn’t see you this morning”

“You wouldn’t have wanted to, the amount of new recruits we have…” Cullen let out a yawn from her chest, surprising her a little “are alarming…you wouldn't believe how quickly gossip spreads through the barracks” Cullen sighed.

“Does it bother you?” she placed a kiss against his hair, waiting for his response- happy to hear his so content in her arms.

“I would rather my- I mean” he sighed softly, the heat of his breath reaching her flesh banished under her shirt “ _our_ private affairs remain that way” fluttering yet more brushes of her lips into his hairline as he spoke, “But If suppose if there were nothing here for people to talk about. I would regret it more”

“What would they have to say?” Evelyn thought aimlessly, though a part of her didn’t want to know.

“Nothing that’s not already crossed my mind, believe me” Cullen casually hummed into her flesh

“Oi” she giggled, pushing her fingers into his sides softly.

“Good things only I assure you” he sighed, pulling himself closer to her.

Evelyn was shocked to hear a low rumble repetitive escaping from Cullen’s chest several moments later. The soft hum of his breath as he slept. She bundled him closer, though in reality she knew there was no more to give. She closed her eyes, the warmth of the sun showing her a red glow through her lids, blissfully happy in the knowledge that she’d finally offered him a moment of hard fought for respite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High fives for understanding Evelyn! And for you guys for suffering through that unedited chapter! Thank you for the response on the last chapter, it’s been amazing! I also gunna put a wee thanks to Nnalrehs, she really helped me flesh out this chapter as well as any time Ev spends with Solas. 
> 
> Also, I’m sorry but there will be a little break on updates for the next week or since I’m away on a last minute holiday. Hopefully I might have sometime by next Monday/Tuesday. 
> 
> I hope this hasn’t come across as rushed as I’m away today and I didn’t want to leave without posting. It'll try work back through it for edits. But right now, I have last minute packing to do! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and much love!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_
> 
>  
> 
> ~
> 
> __  
> 

It took a second for Cullen to realise where he was as he stirred, flinching as the fade released him. His eyes darting around the room, adjusting to the morning sun that radiated through the gap in his roof. It all felt strange, alien somehow- he was far too comfortable, well rested even. He struggled to remember the last time he’d slept so soundly. Where were the dreaded nightmares he spent countless sleepless nights avoiding? Overbearing memories that were best left forgotten bleeding into the fade. If he had.. He couldn’t remember them, they hadn’t tore him from his slumber. Barely remembering falling asleep in the first place...

He shifted a little on his side, feeling the warmth of her body wrapped around him; still soundly asleep. He eased back into her, settling himself. Their positions altering sometime during the night; the slight of her frame now wrapped around the expanse of his back as he lay still, not wanting to move. A part of him wondering why she’d stayed after his wretched performance. Wincing at the thought of it, trying to stop it all from flooding back- the lack of control he'd felt.. 

By the maker- he’d nearly knocked her out with that well worn box. 

And yet, she stayed. 

Listened to him. Fed him. Held him. Slept next to him.

Had he rambled in his sleep like a blighted broken idiot? What had she heard? Had he kept her from sleeping with his...

A soft grumble escaped from behind him, Ev; tightening her grip around his shoulder, pulling herself closer to him in her slumber. Her soft breathing returning back to a steady pace, the heat of it brushing at the back of his neck- sending a flurry of small jolts racing down his spine, pulling him back to reality. He let out a content sigh, giving in. By the Maker he couldn't imagine her not curled into his side in the fresh morning light, if this was what she still wanted. Finally stretching his legs out under him- feeling muscles happily reset themselves under the strain. 

He lay there for a while, basking in the comfort of it all. How yesterdays plight seemed like an age away with her at his side. Still, he knew there was the pressing issue of their postponed council meeting. He had hardly prepared for the damn thing. Cassandra had caught him once he had dealt with the pandemonium that was apparently Rylen’s imagining of his best recruits. She’d baited him into the armory before he’d erupted- his temper getting the better of him. Not the first time, but Evelyn walking in hadn’t helped any of it. Mortified she’d seen him in such a light, knowing now somehow she’d accepted him; even as he’d spiraled helplessly in front of her.

Slowly, he tried to ease his body out of bed, unwillingly unlocking his own from hers, trying his best not to wake her. He pried her seering grip from his shoulders, settling her hands behind her with a comforting thud. As much as he wanted to lay with her until she stirred, he had a job to do. And he reckoned he could at least try to get something done before he would wake her for their meeting. 

He found the courage to sit up. Halting when she let out a sigh next to him. Adjusting herself, tying herself into the sheets. He paused, smiling at the sight of her screwing up her nose; deep lines creasing her forehead as her hand searched for him across the bed. Finally settling lazily at his rear, like she needed the contact. He thought, knowing he felt much the same. He pulled the thin sheet around her, ignoring that she was still fully dressed. Well mostly. She’d taken off much of her layers and accessories; that now lay in a small bundle on the floor next to his bed. Simply in her leathers and shirt, her boots and belts banished for once. 

He placed his feet carefully on the temperamental floor as he stood. Wincing at each cry that echoed from each his movements. He quickly grabbed his boots; deciding to put them on downstairs rather than causing more of a racket. He took one last look at her, trying to burn the beautiful image in his mind, before descending the ladder to his office.

Once he reached the bottom of the ladders he shoved his feet blindly into his boots. Taking in the reality around him. Maker, he’d bargained with the heavens once to bring her back to him. But, he’d never imagined she’d end up by his side. In his bed as he lead her armies.

 

Cullen shifted the papers around on his desk, for once it wasn’t the call of the box in his desk nagging at him as he worked- not that he had the choice if he’d wanted it... he’d shattered that box and its contents into a hundred little shards. Neither was it the call for Evelyn, the need for her. Though that still rumbled deep within, a constant hum. He understood basic control. And could deny himself such basic wants. Her simple presence, sleeping soundly, safe above him was enough for now.

It was the glimmer of his old sword on his desk that kept drawing his attention; the engraved silverite hilt that he’d taken to stacking letters that had yet to be dealt with under. His sister’s becoming more buried in the time that had passed. Realized how much had changed. How different _everything_ was now. Where would he even start?… What would he say, even to Mia? Nevermind the rest of the family…

“Enough of that!” 

Cullen eyed the space above him, not sure if he was hearing things. Relieved when he finally heard and witnessed the strain of the floorboards under Evelyn’s weight. 

“Of what?” He said sheepishly to the empty room, awaiting her response as listened to her shuffle around upstairs.

“Paperwork…” Evelyn said, closer now. Two bare feet appeared a distance in front of him- descending the ladder gracefully, admiring her from his chair as she made her way towards him. 

“You left me in bed… for” she eased herself onto the desk, back onto that same spot to the left of him, bare feet brushing against his calves; searching one more. Shifting closer in his chair, he eyed her curiously as she picked up the itinerary of matters he’d been attempting to list for their meeting, “ _More space to train new recruits_ ” she quoted from the page in her hands, setting her green orbs on his disapprovingly, “I hadn’t really expected you to run off at first light”

“I’m sorry, after yesterday with everything that... nothing was achieved and now…” he pulled the page from her hands, placing it back with the others he needed for the day. “There’s still much to be done,” he sighed, trying to avoid ranting on, he’d already done enough of that around her.

“Don’t be. We achieved a lot yesterday, _you_ achieved a lot yesterday,” she said, sincerity in her voice. “Time off is important too Cullen, time away from all _this_ ” she nodded to his cluttered desk ”... you deserve it”

Silence hung in the air between them, though it was a comfortable one. Where he didn’t feel the need to fill it with unnecessary rabble. Just happy that she was still here, after everything. He eased back into his chair, carelessly watching her fumble with the assortment of papers and stationery of his desk. Her fingers finally resting on the gleaming hilt of his retired sword. 

He watched her smooth her fingers across the shaft, fleeting but something stirred within him at the sight. Moving to the garish ruby that adorned the top of it, following angles he’d memorized under his own touch over the years. Admiring her loose golden curls escaping from her unruly pleat. 

“Did you sleep well last night?” he asked tactfully, hoping she’d tell him of his incoherent rants- still genuinely curious if he’d slept as well as he felt as though he had for once.

“I did, even though I was a little warm.. But I’m always so toasty” she smiled at him, taking her attention away from the hilt and leaning forward to face him.

“I’m surprised you slept with all of it on,” he nodded to her. “The leathers in particular”

“You fell asleep on me…” she bit back a smile, pointing an accusing finger at him, “I’m not exactly sure how was I supposed to-”

“I like it” he cut off her ramblings.

“Like what?” she asked coyly.

“The heat of you” he admitted, needed her to know- in his own way that what she’d done for him was more than appreciated- “The way you held me last night, the fact that your even still sitting here…” 

“Where else should I be?” She smiled to him, though he could hear teasing him.

At that, he stood from his chair finding himself at home between her thighs that welcomed him in a flash. 

“Nowhere” he whispered before hungrily taking her lips into his, cupping the nape of her neck. 

Needing to forget, but still needing to remind himself of how _she_ tasted; sweeter even. Of how she felt against him. How he could feel nothing else but her when she was around. He calmed his pace against her as a sinful voice stirred inside reminding him of all the places he would like her to be. 

“The meeting..” she pulled back from him, panting, lips glistening red, emerald eyes scanning his- looking for an answer. Still, her legs were curling around the back of his thighs, not waiting for it, inviting him closer.

“We have time” he assured her, not entirely sure if they did but he didn’t care… 

Meeting her lips again she needily pulled at his bottom lip, nibbling there. With that he drew her into him, wrapping his arms around her; engulfing her. One of her hands pulling at the bottom of his light shirt, un-tucking it from his trousers. His stomach tightened in anticipation as the material loosened around his waist. Her other hand curved around his back winding her way into his knotted curls. 

He gasped into her mouth as he felt her nails graze his abdomen; body tingling at her touch as she followed the swell of muscle there. Giving more attention to certain areas as she felt his body react to her. The sound of their lips tearing at each other echoing around them. She pushed into his hips, over and over again, letting out sweet little moans. The intense heat in between her thighs soaking through the thin cloth of his trousers. The length of his cock straining towards her, jolting at the fiction. Keeping his hands firmly wrapped around her, his fingers digging into her rips, terrified to let them wander.

He kissed her back tenderly, trying to reel himself in and regain some sanity by slowing their pace. Yet hers quickened, her hand that was once bound into his hair now fumbling with his shirt, pulling it upward; wanting more, as she wriggled against him.

A part of him wanting to whip his it over his head and recklessly slam the length of himself inside, and be done with it. Lose himself in depths of her. But he knew better. Even as she seemed to beg for it. For more.

 _She doesn’t know what she was doing._ He kept on reminding himself through their heated kisses. That this was all new to her. But he wondered how far he could take it? Where she drew her line. There seemed to be nothing coy about her, as her hands pulled at his shirt; drifting dangerously lower. His hips pushing into hers, testing her.

She replied with her hips, pushing them into his own- the weight of her bearing painfully against the length him- almost agreeing with his lewd suggestion. Egging on this madness. _Did she really want to, right now?_ He couldn’t go along with this, surely.

A rattle at his door saved him from his internal debate.

“I thought we had time?” she whispered, a hint of disappointment in her voice. He rested his forehead on top of hers for a moment, holding her gaze.

“I thought we did” he said softly before slowly pulling himself away from her- tucking his arousal along with his shirt into his waistband in an attempt to conceal the size of it- it would have to do. If this visitor wanted to turn up so early, what more could they expect than their Commander in his casual wear- at least he had his boots on, “One moment” 

With one final kiss, he left her upon his desk- the most pressing issue that had ever had the pleasure of sitting there. He cracked the door open, edging through it; doing his best to conceal the room behind him.

 

He clicked the door shut behind him for Cassandra to greet him. He should have expected as much. He’d asked for this, as she kept on reminding him. A little frustrated that this whole affair wasn’t over already, he had since tried to bury the event; wanting to forget his embarrassment.

“I just wanted to check in on you… no one has seen you since yesterday afternoon, I thought I could catch you before the meeting to ask how you are?” She narrowed her gaze him him.

“Fine” he said gruffly, wanting this encounter to be over as quickly as possible. To get back to Evelyn.

“I just wanted to inform you that we are all supportive that in you coming to a decision, regardless of what that is”

“A decision? My behavior yesterday was... unnecessary. Still, as you and Evelyn both advised I've decided to stick with the withdrawal process”

“Without a replacement?” Cassandra looked to him to clarify.

“I will try” he offered her, “I’m sorry I acted like such a brute… I'm somewhat confident I have made the right choice” he said, not knowing where the words came from.

“You both have” Cassandra smiled warmly at him.

“Excuse me?” He looked to her, his brow tightening trying to work out if he'd heard her right.

“Don't play coy, especially with me Cullen, we’re all aware Evelyn didn’t return to her chambers last night… Leliana would have had a meltdown if she didn’t know where our Inquisitor was”

“Maker… It’s not like _that_ ” he shuffled on his feet, suddenly hyper aware of his lack of armor.

“I know. I just wanted you to know that I am still here, if you need support” 

“I, uh well” Cullen fought to meet his friends eyes, embarrassed by the thought of what they would think, his hand defensively shot up to the back of his neck; rubbing away the tension. “..Thank you Cassandra but I must prepare for the-”

She had already turned to make her leave before be could finish “Farewell Commander” she called with a simple wave of her hand behind her shoulder. Cullen quickly fumbled with the lock of the door, fighting to be back inside the bubble Evelyn had made for them, away from all too curious eyes.

“Who was it?” Evelyn turned to him, having not moved from where he’d left her.

He closed the door, securing it firmly behind him; the lock echoing with a thick clack in its home.

“Cass” He said as he made his way back over to her. 

“Oh… do you think they know I stayed?” She pulled him back towards her with her legs, hips firmly planting into to the heat of her once more.

“Definitely” he answered her, honestly.

“Shit” she nibbled on the corner of her lip for a moment, deep in thought “We knew this would happen” she reasoned, “and … it _has_ been happening, the talk - that is”

“Hmm” Cullen managed, resting his chin on top of her head as he wrapped his arms lazily around her.

“I know you don't like the thought of it but… let them” Evelyn said, her words vibrating up into his jaw.

“Let them talk” he repeated to her, trying to get used to the idea, “I suppose” He concluded, knowing there was nothing he could do now. 

She nuzzled her head under his, placing small kisses against his three day old stubble that grazed his neck. He moaned at the ripple that she sent through him, hoping she wasn’t trying to pick back up where they had left off. He had only so much restraint for one morning.

“Tonight” he pulled back assertively ”we will finish off whatever you started..” he ran his hand across the top of her thigh, holding it there. Fingers burning from being so close to the epicenter, fighting with himself not to slip further down,“Right here”

“What _I_ started?” she teased him, “I think you have your own to deal with” she shifted her weight forward, pushing the heat of her up against him; legs tightening around the backs of his tighs.

“Evelyn, if this is what you want, you have a lot to learn..” _Like not baiting an unleashed mabari…_ he bit back; fighting with the constant want for her.

“Show me, please Cullen...you can teach me” pleading as she pulled at the material of his shirt, causing it to tighten around the back of his neck.

“Tonight, I promise,” he assured her, all he could offer her through the strain of it all, “I just don't think this is something we should rush” he managed, knowing he was insane to be turning her down. What man or women in Thedus would? Still her watched her wrestle with herself, his words heavy between them.

“I know...” she retreated, sounding like she'd realised what he meant.

“Come on, we can get ready together, if you, uh- want to that is?” he smiled down to her.

She nodded her head feverishly. He held out his hand which she quickly took, leading her upstairs. He let her go first, selfishly admiring the firm curve of her rear as she climbed above him. He could allow himself to steal a single glance, of that he was sure.

  


He turned and grabbed his leather trousers from his chest, hoping he could face the other way and quickly change himself as modestly as possible. His shirt hopefully hiding anything too absurd. Though he was really betting on her still struggling with pleating her hair without a mirror- she’d dressed herself faster than could keep up with. Hastily, he pulled the unyielding leathers around his legs and up around his waist till the laces hung loosely in front. 

“Wait!”

He froze, at the sharp snap of her holstering her dagger, metal ringing from inside. The bed and floor moaning under her as she approached him. Feeling her lingering behind him, his heart racing as he hesitated; not sure what to do. Her hands curled around his hips, he watched as her slender fingers appeared in front of him and brushed away his shirt. Her fingers brushing the thin line of blonde hair that lead down further. She rounded on him, her eyes never meeting his, drawn downward taking in every inch. Tentatively, she brushed down the length of him.

“Don’t” he hissed, feeling a sharp pang of sensitive skin that reveled under her slight touch. It was almost painful, though she was so gentle in her caress he was sure it wasn’t her. It was him. Aching as he held himself together again. She brushed the back of her hand down his relaxed member once more. Though it wouldn’t be for long, if she kept going like this.

“I just wanted to see how it ..felt“ she said, so honest in her reply, it took him back. He beamed down at her.

“Good I hope?” Cullen laughed uneasily, as tried to gauge her reaction.

“Really good” She repeated back to him, biting the inside of her lip as her hands trailed back up through the mount of golden curls there. He pulled his shirt above his head, throwing it next to the rest before Cullen took the time to lace his trousers, feeling her hands brush over his shoulders now. He eyed her curiosity as he tied the final knot, watching as she took the time to follow the faded scars that littered his chest.

“What happened?” she asked, not able to hide the falter in her voice as her hand skimmer over his right shoulder, following a particularly large span of almost iridescent scar tissue that formed years ago with her soft touch. “And here..” she whispered, the other hand brushing the top of his ribcage, another old one.. from training as a stupid young lad, “Cullen...”

“A lot” he managed, not knowing where to begin, if he could even remember them all now, “Come on.. The meeting. I can tell you another time”

“Tonight?” She said hopefully, eyes widening.

“Maybe,” he chuckled at her eagerness to get to know his scars, inside and out. He pulled a fresh shirt from his trunk and over his head, “Now, if you give me a moment… it takes a while for me to look as good as I do in this armor”

“Really?” she laughed a little, rolling her eyes as she separated herself from him. 

“I’ll be honest It’s the blighted buckles…” he pulled one of his vambraces from the stand as he tucked in the last of his shirt into his waist.

She held out her hand to him, “Here, let me try”

 

From there, she helped with each buckle of his armor, fascinated by it intricately all. Not realising his daily dress was made up of so many pieces. He’d laughed a little at that, at her naivety, at how her abilities had never warranted such staunch protections. Her fingers would follow the embossed following that decorated each plate they fitted until they were finally ready. 

“Good?” she smirked at him.

“Really good” he smiled, pushing a stay curl from her eyes.

Now that they were ready, it felt even harder to leave the little warm cave they’d carved from themselves. But he knew there would always be something calling them away from each others side, making these precious moments all the more special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad to be back! And with this too! Phew, I hope Cullen is coming off as respectful towards her and this wasn't at all weird.. It's been a long time since I was in Evelyn position. I just wanted Cullen to let her... explore? it's is all 'part of the plan'- but my plans are sooo rough at points. That I hope it flows together and isn't just cringe, y'know? Thank you for all the nice wishes for when I was away. I had a great time, I've just found it hard to get back into the swing of things on the return. 
> 
> But hopefully another update this week at some point before I start college, yey!  
> (As always, I shall return to pick up any errors/editing)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Evelyn Trevelyan_  
> 

Evelyn was a million miles away while the council carried on around her, Leliana and Josephine nattering together off to the side; fading out into a low done in her ears.

Cullen stood hunched across from her, hands stamped into the table, scouring the maps pinned in front of them. Evelyn kept her eyes drawn down- much like his. Though she’d could bet he was actually doing something productive rather than being stuck to the spot, boring a hole into the colossal table between them. 

Maker, what on earth was she thinking? Acting like she was possessed by a desire demon. 

Pushing him like that- the uncontrollable urge that surged through her sending her hands to explore regions she’d only imagined late at night. Places that she’d wanted to scour every inch of; every peak and valley. To memorize the map of his body in her mind; so that when she left she’d have something of him. More than the flimsy rag around her hand. .

The weight of cock in her hands- softer and warmer than she expected. It had been the first time she’d even seen another man in the flesh, of course she’d seen paintings, sculptures and anatomically correct renderings of the male form before. But to have such an exquisite reality in front of her was far too much. She’d always been curious, and due how comfortable she felt around Cullen. It hadn’t even made it a question whether it was okay to do _that_. Was it normal? Did he mind? Maker, she didn’t know...

She pulled at her wrap, trying to hide her hands from Leliana as she did so- the material offered her nothing now. Her body had a taste for more. Cold slick arousal still pooled guiltily atop her thighs, making her feel even more uncomfortable on her feet. A reminder of where she’d spent the best part of her morning. Where she still wanted to be, where she’d possibly pushed her luck-- _just like Demarcus_

Since they’d left his office Cullen had grown quiet, the walls that she’d spent so long helping him dismantle where raised again- almost on the close of his office door- posture changing instantly, eyes set straight towards the rotunda, Evelyn jogging to keep up with his pace. Ignoring the eager eyes of everyone who happened upon their path- hushed whispers that for once Evelyn couldn’t care about.

Her heart hammering as she followed him through the halls. Mind picking over what had transpired between them, her boldness- the thought of leaving his side so soon...when they’d just started to get to really know each other. The anticipation of waiting till that night to find out what would happen was almost too much. If she’d known that their morning would have included such...activities she would have proposed the meeting to the afternoon.

At least they had walked into that meeting together, side by side. She held onto that as they stood on opposite sides of the war table.

“When could you leave?... Evelyn?” Leliana nudged her side, pulling her out of her internal berating.

“Sorry?” looking to her, hoping she could see the question written somewhere across her face.

“You’ve yet to visit the Forbidden Oasis… with Scout Harding’s reports I’d suggest we-”

“Ask Dennet to ready our mounts and I’ll leave tomorrow afternoon” Evelyn said without missing a beat, surprised with her quick answer. Though deep down she begrudgingly knew she had to get back into the heart of it, she couldn’t play house at Skyhold for too much longer. “I’ll speak to Cass... “ she mumbled, noting to herself in the air that she’d need to assemble a group from her companions.

“Of course” Josephine added from their side, her quill rapid scraping against the parchment in her hand.

“You know… you’re more than ready to face what’s out there, have a read through what Harding has found...” Leliana pushed some papers closer to Evelyn before turning her attention to Cullen, who had not moved an inch. “Our Commander has worked wonders with you, I wouldn't worry so much…”

The room awaited his response, but he didn't move. His attention clearing fixed on the table in front of him.

“Cullen, you have noted something about…” Josephine turned her attention to him too, trying her hand, forcing Evelyn's eyes towards him, “Cullen?”

“Hmm? I ah-” he cleared his throat, composing himself, “Our encampments outside the walls have limited space for our new recruits to train. Perhaps we could set up something…” his hand tapped against a smaller map of Skyholdt, “Over here”

“I’ll have someone move the equipment down there” Josephine noted.

“If they could speak to Ser Rylen first” he advised, shifting his papers in front of him.

“Of course…” Josephine hummed, “We’re done for today...I think we’ve touched on the most pressing issues... and Evelyn, If there’s anything you need before you leave?”

“I know” Evelyn smiled to her lightly, _a bath would certainly be nice- something that would hopefully wash away the guilt._

The room began to move around her as everyone gathered their work. Josephine and Leliana bustled through the doors first, chatting between themselves and piles of papers. Evelyn slowly gathered her own, out of the corner of her eye monitoring Cullen- doing much the same. She followed him out of the meeting, certain that the rest of the had made their way far enough ahead now.

“Are you okay?” Evelyn asked, studying him as they matched each others pace down the hall. In this light, through missing bricks and the crack in the thick wall she could see the scars previous days battle. His hair sat a little too slick upon his head, curls almost darker. Thicker than normal stubble thatched across his proud jaw, like when they’d chatted for hours in the depths of the Frostbacks on their pilgrimage to Skyhold.

“I’m better.. ” he sighed, looking off to the side as his hand shot up to the back of his neck, “It’s...There is a lot to be done, and now that you're leaving I’m sure you have preparations to set in order…” They paused at the door to Josephine's office, laid wide open offering no protection, Cullen eyeing the space beyond worriedly. “Forgive me, I have to leave but..” his gaze snapped back to hers; something dark held deep in his doe-eyes, his voice dropped an octave, “Ev, I promise you, we will continue your training later” 

_Training?_ she almost spluttered, instead she rapidly attempted to compose herself “I, ah, Okay, later on then” biting back the grin that fought at her lips at the tantalizing idea of whatever his rendition of ‘training’ was. Confident that it would be a lot more pleasurable than spending their mornings working on footwork in the courtyard- it had to be, with that fiendish look in his eye.

“Farewell” and with a subtle bow of his golden head he was gone, leaving Evelyn dumbly staring after him. 

It took a moment but once she’d gathered her wits she found her Ambassador in the next room; quickly trying to buffer past any awkwardness there might be between them considering she was most likely aware of where Evelyn had spent the night. Though years of dealing with dignitaries and characters with much more scandalous stories than her own dashed Evelyn’s worries.

“If you don't mind my asking, you mentioned going to some events with your family, were you at all close?” 

“Close?” She almost laughed at the absurdity of her question, “No, that party was the last thing I really remember before I was sent to the Circle. It’s a bit faded now...is there a reason you ask?”

“Well. Yes It’s only... considering your heritage you do incredibly little taking of your family or... nobility ”

“I hardly knew them, they never contacted me once I reached the Circle, what’s this about?” Evelyn’s lips tightened at the subject. That was all it was to her, a name; something that she signed away without much of a thought of what it meant.

“There have been rumors...”

“Rumors?”

“Estranged family of yours, a cousin to be precise, has been making some rather outlandish claims, during a ball he’s reportedly been touting our support- _your_ personal support”

“My support? But I have never spoken to anyone from my family for the better part of twenty years”

“Myself and Leliana had pieced together as much, though I worry of the further reaching consequences of such idle gossip”

“Like what? you put an end to it thought didn’t you?” Evelyn panicked slightly, the last thing she wanted to deal with was her family- a cause she’d written off many years ago.

“Yes, I have made arrangements, but there’s still the possibility of your closer family taking an active interest in their newly free daughter who is now head of the Inquisition”

“They’ve yet to make contact with me since I left our estate when I was a child, I highly doubt during a war they would reach out” Evelyn countered, yet she the former point was just as valid.

“People have done stranger things… especially during such strenuous times” she hummed from her desk.

“Hmm” Evelyn's brows knitted as she watched Josephine make a note on the parchment in front of her before offering Evelyn a warm smile.

“Is there anything else you needed?” 

“Actually… yes, you’d be my saviour if you could find someone to draw me a bath. I was thinking of training for a while” the words that came out of her mouth where wholly innocent now felt tainted in her mouth. 

“As you wish, I’ll inform someone right away.. I must say though I look forward to your return, the presence you have here is important and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we’ll feel the weight of your absence’”

“Josie” she hummed, blushing hues of pink as she was taken aback by her compliment, “You’re far too kind..” 

 

Evelyn had managed to catch Cass down at the training grounds, happy that she’d given her a simple nod- nothing more. Even though Evelyn had expected something from her, but no. She trained silently at Evelyn’s side. With each strike trying to banish her morning behind her, willing time to move faster. Only once her arms had grown heavy and the sun had slipped in the sky did Evelyn stop. Taking a moment to speak to her friend, making her aware of their journey west towards the Oasis. 

On her way back to her Quarters nipped past her other companions usual haunts inform them of the same. Though Sera and Dorian were hardly shy in making their complaints known. A part Evelyn wished she could just bring Cassandra and be done with it, at least she wouldn’t fill the air with pointless drivel. Though, they had grown too comfortable inside the safety of these walls. Much like she had.

When she finally reached the comfort of her quarters she was relived to see Josephine had organised said bath; with the addition of pink rose petals floating across the surface- she failed to remember asking for anything so lavish. Still she took no time in submerging herself under the steaming water; washing away the days events, soothing aching muscles, letting herself sink into the water, the scent of sandalwood oil filling her nose. She let out a content sigh, happy to hear nothing but the whistle of the wind around her tower and the crackle of the freshly stoked fire next to her.

She took her time, trying to keep her mind from wandering as she soaked herself. Every time Cullen drifted into her thoughts she felt a hot rush of excitement jolt up from inside her, running through her stomach and resonating into a throb between her thighs. The water sloshed around her as her legs moved restlessly, enjoying the relief at the slight fiction.. Something primal with bubbling to the surface once more. She’d wait far too long for a man to touch her like that, those frenzied movements of their lips dancing together as the pressure built between them. _How could he hold on like that? Not just give in..._

The heat of her contracted, sending waves up her body letting out a moan. She was best getting out of this bath before she attempted her ‘training’ alone. She’d done quite enough of that in that cramped room back at Ostwick, though she never had such solid material to work with- now faced with possible realities rather than fleeting fantasy’s. She reasoned that she could waste her afternoon productively, reluctantly packing what she needed for her journey.  


~

  
“This morning, we didn’t have a lot of time to speak and with the meeting ...I’m not sure if I thanked you properly,” he paused for a second, pushing away his empty bowl, “..yesterday when you came to see me... if there’s anything...” he sat back uneasily in his chair, averting his gaze, “This sounded a lot better in my head”

“I trust you’re feeling better.. your appetite is certainly back” Evelyn said to him from her spot on his desk, pulling her bare feet under her.

“Well, I... yes” 

“Is it always that bad?” Evelyn lowered her bowl, watching the man she thought so much of wrestle with himself.

“The pain comes and goes, sometimes..I feel as if I’m back there... I shouldn’t have pushed myself so far that day”

“I’m just glad you’re alright”

“I am,” a faint smile hinting at his lips, “I’ve never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden’s Circle. I was...not myself after that. I was angry and for years that anger blinded me... I’m not proud of the man that made me. The way I saw mages... I’m not sure I would have cared about you, and the thought of that sickens me” meeting her eyes as voice faded out to a mere whisper he sat up in his chair, “Now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened... It’s a start”

“For what it’s worth... I like who you are now” she offered, hadn’t she shown him that this morning?

He looked shocked, “Even after?”

“Cullen” she pleaded with him, “I care about you and you have done _nothing_ to change that... and I hope I haven’t either, after my performance this morning”

He smiled slowly, taking her hand into his, “Of course not.. but what about you? You have your own troubles, I read the report about your family, how are you holding up?”

“Honestly? They’re not my family... but with everything else- with so many people depending on us. On me... and with Corypheus still out there”

“We’ve made great strides, do not doubt yourself- or the Inquisition- just yet” he assured her firmly, “You know if there’s anything you need, I am here” 

“I know” she blushed, placing her attention back to his desk as she ate the last of her meal, “What’s this?” Evelyn said through her last mouthful, placing her bowl down. And taking the opportunity to ask him about the ornate hilt that sat on his desk; which she’d been toying with that very morning.

“Nothing but a glorified paperweight after our scuffle at Adamant” he said from his chair.

“I’m sorry, I should have been more -” she tightened her grip around the cool metal, enjoying the sharp change in temperature, her suspicions on whether it was indeed the same blade being confirmed.

“No.. I dropped it...” he hushed her apologies, “It was a gift from Ser Gregor when I left the Circle in Ferelden, It was a part of me for a such a long time… and now, now it just glares at me” he shifted in his chair.

“Can’t we find someone to fix it..”

“I already spoke to our craftsmen, It’s a lost cause…anyway, it’s found a new purpose” Cullen nodded to his desk.

“Weighing down..” Evelyn eyed the papers that lay perfectly aligned with one and other, the hilt still in one hand as her other raided through the stack, “a report from Dennet, an unopened one from…Leliana” she teased him, “Oh! _and_ Josephine, then we have…”

She pulled a letter that was a different colour for the rest; the paper was lighter; almost cleaner, instantly curious as to where it had came from, “What’s this?”

_“Nothing” he deflected, almost like a petulant child._

"Cullen” her tone warning him now, trying to catch his gaze from her perch. 

It took a moment but he finally let out a audible grunt before he replied “Mia…” 

_His sister?!!_

"Have you replied?” Evelyn leaned forward, he hadn’t really mentioned his family since their first chess match. Maker was there no end to walls he had build between them? She thought must have reached the other side by now; or at least found herself crack small enough to squeeze through. 

“I will-” 

“How long has this been sitting here..?” She cut him off, knowing he could come up with a more than valid excuse if she let him talk for long enough. her mind sprinting a head of him. If she had a sister or a brother, if they’d taken the time to write to her in the chaos, then surely she would reply quickly. “You should.. The way you speak of them- if I had..” Evelyn shook her head, forlorn, “Never mind..” she placed the letter, unread, back in it’s place- returning the hilt along with it. Not wanting to dampen the mood.

“I know…” he leaned forward in his chair, brushing his fingers along the curve of her calve. 

"I shouldn’t have pried..” 

“No,” he sighed, “you’re right, and please try not to apologize… for anything” he gave her a stern look, before she cracked- smiling with him in agreement. Cullen stood abruptly, shifting the bowls for their meal back onto the tray. “Are you staying again tonight?” 

He'd asked that question so casually, was this their norm now? Maker, she wanted it to be. She’d even planned for the occasion, dressing lighter than usual- leaving her heavy jacket and items she had taken to carrying around behind. She’d even avoiding wearing her bind, letting the weight of her chest hang naturally for once. She noted he was in his casual wear as well, matching the same pair she’d almost had to beg him into yesterday. 

“Can I?” she watched him at her side as he tidied his workspace, shifting the items she’d moved back into place. 

“Only If you want to…” 

"Of course” she insisted. 

“Before you, or we.. we uh-" He stammered, aimlessly moving items around keeping his attention there, "have to be… uh- safe, that is, well I think It’s the most sensible decision considering our situation” 

“Lydia did pass a few texts my way that gave me some knowledge as to how this ...works” Evelyn assured him, placing her hand on his arm. 

__“She did?" he turned to her, "I mean... You do? I don't want to rush you, it’s been a long time since I’ve… and isn't this important to you? If you’ve never...”_ _

__“It is… but the time we have together is so limited, with me leaving tomorrow. I suppose that’s not that it's my first time what’s important to me… its you, I’ve never..” she hesitated, biting her tongue _wanted to fuck anyone so badly before_._ _

__“Well, I- … thank you but I’m still firm on the matter us being uh, safe- Ev please.. I’m terrible at this”_ _

__“I know..” she snorted at his skirting around of the issue, her feet happily swinging under her, “at Ostwick I found another students stash of witherstalk they'd been propagating- rather poorly may I add… where they’d stashed it they were starving the poor things of light, anyway I voided tending that area of the garden after that- in fear of the blame behind placed on me.. I was forever in that garden...” for a moment she was sure she could smell the fresh cut herbs back there, “But I’d read that the live resin can be used as contraception, in one of the many books Lydia had given me- now that I look back, I’m positive they we’re not on my approved reading list”_ _

__“I doubt they would have been. I’m a little shocked, didn’t know it was a plant that uh… stopped you, I mean _us_ from having ...” As his words seemed to fail he grew restless of his feet once more, rubbing tirelessly at the back of his neck._ _

__“I suppose I’m not as inexperienced as you think… there was a lot to read in the Circle.. A lot of time to wonder, to imagine what it would feel like if some Templar finally seen sense…”_ _

__“How couldn't they not… “ he realised his hand from his neck, shaking his head as he edged closer to her, placing his hands on the next either side of her legs, “... with you in front of them” he paused, Evelyn’s breath faltering in her chest at the proximity of him, before he shot up taking a decisive step away from her, “Go upstairs, I’ll be with you in a moment... no interruptions this time”_ _

__Evelyn slipped off his desk, following his orders with numb feet. Her movements almost felt like they we’re charged with some unknown force; causing her to be overly aware of everything. The clack of the doors ringing out as he bolted them beneath her, one... two...three. She wiggled her toes against precarious floorboards, trying to centre herself. Did he want her to undress? Should she have by now? Was she supposed to be stuck to the spot with her heartbeat thrumming loudly in her ears__

____

____

__Her heart painfully panged in her chest as she heard his feet on the rungs pf the ladder, she began to panic, looking around the room for something to help. Not even knowing what she was looking for, would have it been better if she sat down on his bed? Or would that be too much?_ _

__“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he closed the gap between them to cup her chin in his rough hands, “I don’t want this to be something you regret”_ _

__“Its not that” she laughed shakily, “I just have no idea what to do... but Maker take me I’ve never wanted something so much”_ _

__“I understand, believe me... Though I did promise you I’d teach you”_ _

__“In more than one way it seems” she replied, not hiding her tone._ _

__“Indeed” a lopsided grin tore at his lips before he dropped them to meet hers._ _

__Their lips tore at one another at a blistering rate, for once she felt that she was keeping pace with him; claiming her stake. Her hands fought with the hem of his shirt that was still tucked into his waist, wanting to continue her exploration of his chest. She could feel him smile through their kiss, slowing the pace until the parted, panting. She took the opportunity to pull at the rest of it. With his help, she eased it over his head straining to her tiptoes to do so. He threw his shirt behind her, though something sounded a little heavy about it, she ignored it as his hands pulled at the tiny buttons of her shirt._ _

__She watched as he struggled with buttons the more his thick digits worked away, “Here” she said, quickly rattling through the rest them; shuddering at the shock the cool night air touching her skin. She unbuttoned the last one, meeting Cullen’s gaze... which was somewhere else enterly, devouring her newly exposed flesh. He swallowed dryly before his hands whispered past the material on her shoulders, her shirt landing at her feet._ _

__“Maker take me” he muttered under his breath as he gawked at the entirety of her. She felt her nipples tighten against the air, or maybe it was his gaze following the curve of her breasts. She watched him curiously, trying to gauge his reaction, “You’re...” he shook his head, instead of finishing his line of thought he reached out of her, cupping one of her breasts in his hands; the entirety hidden in one hand. She hissed at the contact, as he squeezed there softly, surprised at how different it felt to have someone other than herself touch there. He lingering, simply holding the weight of one of her breasts in his hand._ _

__He slipped the other around her waist, dipping his head to his her reassuringly. She met his lips, feeling the meaning there, what he didn’t say she could feel. She pushed her hips into his, a little disappointed when she met the tops of his thighs, the heat of him pressing against her stomach even through his trousers_ _

__He broke their kiss to mutter the word “Come..” before pushing her back with his weight as he steadied her balance, hinting to her where he wanted her. He clumsily guided her a few steps backwards towards his bed._ _

___It’s happening! This is really happening..._ she took a breath to contain herself as he laid her down carefully down. _ _

__Cullen shifted himself out of his trousers on the mattress, throwing them briskly to the side with the rest, easing onto his knees between her thighs. She shifted herself, taking the image of in front of her; the push of muscle rippling under his movements as started to pull the tight leathers from her legs. He settled each one back down with such care, it was unexpected.. he could be so rough with her, yet there he showed such restraint when needed._ _

__She moved herself higher against the pillows as he helped her with the small clothes. She felt her legs instantly widen, inviting him closer, wanting him to join her; to feel the reassurance of his mouth against hers._ _

__But he didn’t._ _

__Cullen smoothed his rough palms down outside of her thighs, the rhythm that flowed through her quickening as she watched, before he parted them. He leaned forward, the heat of his breath tickling the inside of the flesh there._ _

She let out a moan, muscles clenching. He placed tender kisses where his breath brushed past, chuckling at her reaction. Evelyn bit back a groan as his fingers slipped past her outer folds, gliging past her opening. His thumb finally settling at the top of her clit, holing pressure there. She flinched at the contact but his other hand held her thigh kept her fixed in place. He slowly began too move his thumb, gently pushing the ball of his palm into her pelvis. 

“You’re so wet” he said breathlessly. 

"Please” she gasped, pushing her hips upwards to try to realise some pressure she could feel building there. 

"Please” he mimicked her tone back to her, his thumb still slowly working her; pulling her body from the sheets with each rotation. He reached up to grab the peak of one of her nipples, kneading there as his thumb kept it’s agonising pace while she writhed under him. “Do you feel it?” 

She pushed her hips up only for him to push down further on her; pinning her further into the bed. Could she feel what? She offered him a moan in response, unable to speak, not knowing how else to express to him the sheer ecstasy that filled her veins. “The pulse” he said softly as he quickened the pace against, feeling her core convulse in response, needing something to fill the void there. 

"Please” she begged, trying to meeting his gaze through hooded lids; to let him know that she could feel it... and it still wasn’t enough. 

Though blurry vision she could make out Cullen’s amused smirk, before he squeezed her breast as a response. His hand joined its partner, slipping a finger inside her heat. She moaned loudly, not able to hold herself any longer as she felt the pleasure ripple through her once more, building again as he worked his finger in and out of her. The sound of her excitement filling the room around them. He added another, keeping the pressure on her pelvis, the weight of his thumb still against her. She bucked her hips up to meet his assault, needing more of whatever he was doing to her. 

__Evelyn let out a disappointment groan as he pulled his fingers from insider her, she tried to look at him; sure she’d witnessed him hungrily licking his digits after. She closed eyes focusing on his hand that tirelessly kept pace at her nub. She almost shot back when she felt something cold at her opening, but the weight of his hand kept her there once again._ _

__Wide eyed she stared up at him, realising exactly what it was... it wasn’t just his shirt that he’d thrown on the bed._ _

__“Trust me” his eyes locked on hers as he slid the shaft of the hilt across her folds, opening them. She widened her legs in response, taking one of her breasts into her own hands she pulled at the stiff peak there._ _

__Cullen bit his lip, as he eased the length of it into her, his eyes never leaving her. She let out a gasp, eyes jamming shut, feeling the cold of the object inside her. She flinched her muscles against the cold metal, trying to adjust to the size of it- almost uncomfortable. Then Cullen began to quicken hand against her clit, pulling those sweet moans from her lips once more. Though this time, as her body clenched it found the solid length Cullen’s old blade._ _

__“Cullen” she whimpered his name, feeling the pressure hit a point where her body was at his mercy._ _

__“Here” he said quickly, pulling her free hand towards where his once sat on her pelvis. She followed his instructions, her fingers fumbling to match his pace against herself. Wanting to watch as he pulled his small clothes down around his thighs. She watched his cock bounce up towards his stomach before he caught it, gripping his length and his hilt inside her. He let out a gruff moan as he worked the glistening head in his hand, watching her._ _

__Evelyn fought to meet his strides, wanting more... wanting what him inside her, quickening her own pace against her nub, imagining him filling her over and over again. She moaned as she felt it tumble around her, eyes jamming shut, as she lost control her muscles convulsing around the hilt inside her as her orgasm rushed through her, resonating throughout her body_ _

__Then she heard Cullen, a guttural groan escaping from his chest. A little taken a back when she felt the hot flood of him as he spilled himself on her chest. She opened her eyes to see the milky pool of his orgasm that had gathered in the valley of her chest- she pushed her breasts together lightly trying to contain the mess._ _

__

__They lay there, wound into each other for some time after, recovering after Cullen had helped her to clean her chest with a old shirt._ _

__“Can I tell you a secret?” Evelyn broke the silence between them, fingers tracing light circles through the almost invisible curls that scattered his chest. Smiling at the satisfying feeling of her nails gently scraping against him._ _

__He cleared his throat, “Go on..” voice rattling under her from lack of use as he pulled his arm tighter around her._ _

__“I don’t want to leave tomorrow…” she whispered, terrified someone might hear her._ _

__“I don't want you to either…” he leaned his chin against her hair._ _

__“Especially when we could be doing _this_ ” _ _

__He laughed softly pressing a soft kiss into her hairline, his chest rumbling under her head._ _

__“While you’re away you can maybe...continue your training for me?”_ _

__“Oh, and how would I do that exactly?” she teased, turning her head to face him._ _

__“Take it with you”_ _

__“What?” she eased back into his chest, trying to hide her flush cheeks._ _

__“Don’t be coy Ev...the hilt”_ _

__“Really, don’t you want to keep it here?”_ _

__“I think the sight of it on my desk would be too much to get any work done...knowing it was inside you. While you’re halfway across Thedus,” he tightened his lips, pulling her closer, “Only if you want to take it that is”_ _

__“I want to..” she said softly into his chest._ _

__“I’m going to miss you” he hummed into her temple, placing a light kiss there as he pulled her closer._ _

__She nuzzled closer to him, “Me too” she agreed, wholeheartedly, with every fibre in her being. She would miss everything about _him_ , falling in love with the glimmer of a future that could hold more moments such as this. Where her and Cullen could learn from one and other. At least now with Cullen’s retired sword now she’d have something of his to occupy her much expected restless nights. Closing her eyes, she knew what she held in her arms right now was more than she ever have dared to dream of._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feck me I’ve had so much bother trying to get this out! I’ve had a lot on this week with the start of college, and I’ve been trying to do too much as usual. Then... right before my student loan is due to come in- my laptop dies a death on me. Which was like three days ago when I started this chapter. 
> 
> I mean the thing is OLD, like running Windows 7 Starter old. But I have fashioned a old tablet, USB mouse and Bluetooth keyboard together to bring you this ten page saga. Geez, I hope it was worth the wait! I liked the way this all kind of came together, though I feel bad that It took so long to get to you. Especially for those I said it be out sooner rather than later.
> 
> On a more positive note... I have ordered a new laptop, all thanks goes to my long suffering boyfriend, So here’s to him, the delivery guy I’ve paid an extra £10’s to ensure comes tomorrow and not waiting for the text to appear for a few minutes every time a type a few lines anymore.
> 
> I’m not sure if it will help with the speed of updates with my first term starting, But it will most likely still be weekly for the time being.
> 
> And a thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the last chapter too.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_  
> 

“They _would_ send the invitations out for the ball …when Evelyn is the farthest she’s ever been from Skyhold” Josephine huffed from behind her clipboard, “There was so much speculation as to the date…”

“She will return in time, stop worrying so much Josie” Leliana hummed, “Why do you think I insisted on taking her measurements before she ventured west?”

Josephine let out a weary sound between her lips before quill hit parchment, scratching of her rapid movements filling the silence around the trio in the War Room. 

Cullen tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and scrapped a damp palm against his chin; trying to look preoccupied. He trailed his slick fingers across the oversized map on the table in front of him. Attempting, for the life of him, to focus his attention back to scouting the most suitable location for an encampment in the Hinterlands; bolstering their presence in the region. Reasoning with Evelyn so far away from Ferelden it was only sensible. 

Admittedly Cullen had spent the better part of the last few weeks daydreaming about their precious Inquisitor, about Evelyn… his Ev. 

But he fought with himself, at every mention of her name. His stomach in his throat at the promising whispers on everyone’s lips. Certain he could still taste her on his own, the intoxicating memory lingering on his tongue weeks later. Still struggling to find one blighted moments peace from his mind instantly leaping to the prospect of her immediate return; of what that held for them. The irrational hope that she _could possibly_ return home early- that maybe they’d forgotten precious rations or armour or something, _Maker! anything....._

But he knew better, she was far too organized to waste time with such a detour.

The rational part of Cullen knew he'd be better homing his energy into his work; strengthening their numbers within their strongholds across Ferelden. Ensuring they had adequate equipment for their numbers. Cullen had felt relieved Rylen had managed to grasp a hold of the situation outside the cold stone walls of Skyhold… _Makers breath, at least someone had._

He had reasoned that Ev disturbingly far from his side by now. Weeks had past he’d watched leave. Staring down to the bridge below his window, afraid to look away; praying under breathless whispers, _no_ \- begging that whatever he’d taught her would be enough; though he knew, that simply… it would have to be. His raw eyes straining to find her on the horizon, right up until the snowy hills swallowed her whole. 

Cullen felt as though she had taken the warmth of that summer with her as she’d disappeared into the snow-capped hills. The sheer memory of the weight of her next to him at night growing distant as the days at passed, and now inevitably weeks had set in. The passage of time washing away the vital heat of her from his sheets, like some mad fever dream that had never happened; how soft her flesh had felt under his touch, the sweet sounds that he’d pulled from her…

Would his hilt elicit the same noises late at night as she camped somewhere deep between Skyhold and the Forbidden Oasis? Would she have to bite back her pleasure? Not wanting the others to know what she was doing so late at night- devotedly preparing for their eventual reunion? These thoughts swirled around his hazy mind, tempting him to ask her for himself but- _Would it even be acceptable to send raven to her containing such explicate content?_

Cullen felt a tightening within his groin, the rumble of the length of him under leather. He eased his palms from the table, standing upright and pulling the tail ends of his cloak around his waist for good measure. Blinking a few times, to bring the room back into some sense of focus around him; Leliana and Josephine were huddled over a stack of papers in the center of the table… 

_Where Ev usually stands…_

What was this madness? What was happening? Is this _love?_ He’d never felt anything such as this; _or maybe this the withdrawal? Is this even healthy? …To be so utterly fixated on another person, especially the one that had every corner of the land calling her their savoir, their Herald?_ In his thirty or so years he’d never felt such a primal pull towards another soul. He’d known the why he’d felt about Ev was different, even in the beginning, their friendship had held subtle hints of what could happen... 

Cullen bowed his head at the stark realization, trying to hide the growing heat of his cheeks. He leaned back down to the table in one swift movement, attempting to hide his guilt and the sound of his heart in his throat in the pile of maps and books that littered the table. _…Of course I do_

”Cullen?” Josephine spoke cautiously, “You have-“

“Another letter has arrived for you, Commander” Leliana interrupted Josephine before slipped small sealed bundle across the table to him- though he could bet that she read the contents before he had. “I’d appreciate if you arranged for these to collected, rather than letting them gather dust in my office, my complaints don’t seem to be being heard through my scouts”

“I understand” he answered plainly, trying to avoid any confrontation he eyed the stack in front of him before taking them into his hands. “And I’ll uh- try and organize something”

“We have more than enough men at our disposal, I don’t expect you to trail all the way up to the rookery every time; if you’d simply ask one of your men to routinely check, Maker forgive me, But even I could afford to spare at least one of my scouts for a afternoon…” Leliana huffed.

Ignoring her, Cullen began untying the string that bound the pile, He pulled the first from the pile, running his finger along the familiar script- that penmanship had spent long enough goading him from his desk. Cullen let out of hot puff of air through his nose, of course Mia would have replied so soon…. 

“I think what our Spymaster means Commander” Josephine consciously defaulting back to formalities, “We can simply have one of our scouts deal with the matter?”

Cullen looked up from the papers.

“No” He assured them, “I will handle it, I’m sure I can ask one of our young recruits to handle the matter, as you suggested Leliana… ” he nodded to her, finally eliciting what could be counted as a smile; faint though even Cullen could see it. He smiled back to her, “I just like to give you enough time to browse through them, I know we’ve all been busy” 

Leliana let our a quick chock of amused laughter, before quickly retaliating, “We all know who has been ‘busy’… not so much in these recent weeks though, if I am correct?” she fought back a grin as Cullen fought for something to reply with, “no?” she pushed

“If that is everything for today, I’ll uh- will retire to my quarters” Cullen numbly gathered his belongings, clutching to the letters. 

“If you need anything, you know where we are” Josephine called after him as he barrelled towards the door. 

~

When finally made his way back to his office the door rattled home behind him, he took to the pile in his hands- ripping into the one he’d been eyeing in the at the meeting moments earlier- scanning over his sisters hasty handwriting. He’d only sent her reply off the morning Evelyn had left, urged by their brief conversation. 

_  
Cullen,_

_I was glad to receive your last letter. You sound happy. It's been--never mind. I just hope you are well. Which reminds me..._

_Ev? Not Inquisitor? Not Her Worship, the Herald of Andraste? Not Evelyn?! Your last letter was far too short._

_Love,_  
Mia

Cullen hastily stomped over to his desk before taking a seat, tearing a piece of blank piece of parchment. By the Maker, had Mia really picked up _that_ much from his previous letter- Had he been so bone-headed as to refer to Evelyn so casually? Had his sister really read his longing for Thedus’ only salvation through the ink?

Quickly, trying this best to mask his frustration, he scribbled;

_Mia,_

_I will write you a longer letter when there's time._

_Stop prying._

_Cullen._

He pushed the quill into the parchment forming full stop; the dark liquid splurging out haphazardly under the assault. He pulled his hand back quickly, dashing the quill to the side and sealed the letter, shoving it into the pile he had deemed his out goings for the day.

He eased back a little in his seat, taking a deep breath as he ran a weary hand through his slick curls. He appreciated his sisters’ interest in his life, but this wasn’t the time, with the war effort… the future they we’re fighting to prevent becoming a reality. By love of the Maker, him and Evelyn hadn’t even discussed this relationship that had blossomed between them. How could he possibly tell Mia anything, when he himself had no idea? When he found it impossible to even rationalize how he felt about her without spiralling into insanity. 

But one thing he was sure of was that without Evelyn, Mia would have never had received quick reply. It’d been far too long since he’d spoken to his family and Evelyn had given him that strength to pick up the quill and write home. A ludicrous prospect crossed his mind…of Evelyn meeting his family, of a life after this war; where they could enjoy the company of each other’s families and build some semblance of a life if they prevailed. But he wondered if that was too much to want for, if his past deeds merited such pure happiness. Where he could meld his life with the woman who had brought not only him but the rest of Thedus so much hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Redited and Reupload; since I rushed the old chapter to hell and I hated it :D


End file.
